Work - don't be afraid of that four letter word!

How much work goes into any type of relationship? This ultimately depends on the results you are looking for.

Take for example an overgrown garden. In order to get the garden at a manageable state, there will be work involved. There will be weeding, pruning, digging, planting, fertilization, and the list goes on. All of this needs to be done to enjoy the fruits of your labors. Just when you think you can sit back and watch your garden grow, there will be maintenance. An immense amount of TLC is involved if you desire a healthy garden. It takes time and effort, trial end error, sweat and tears !

A taken in hand relationship is not served to you on a silver platter, far from it. Relationships, whether they are Taken in Hand or otherwise are not static. They are living, breathing, elastic, energetic forces. Therefore, once everything is in order, regular maintenance, re-evaluation, open discussions are essential to a healthy Taken in Hand relationship.

The taken in hand relationship is personal for everyone, therefore you and only you can set the groundwork. What works for the goose does not necessarily work for the gander as they say. Play with it, experiment… and make the work turn into fun and enjoyment.

Don't be afraid of that four letter word. The work is were all the fun is hiding. Work means discovery, exchange, liberation, energy, passion, understanding, bonding, learning and so, so much more.


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different view

I think if a relationship requires too much work then it is probably not the right relationship.

To use the garden analogy I feel one should look for a garden that is not overgrown but is in good order and just needs a little tweaking to individualise it.

Like gardens there are high maintenance and low maintenance people. I think it depends on what you are looking for.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who is going to require lots of hard work. If it is the right person then the relationship will have its ups and downs but the core of getting along and easy love will always be there.


The value

Our saying tells that things are of such a value how much effort you are willing to invest.



What I have found in my own marriage is that having a Taken In Hand relationship has made things easier rather than harder, so although in a sense I work at it more (i.e., making more effort with the housework, paying more attention to my husband's wishes etc)the lessening of stress between us and the improved communication (not to mention my enhanced libido), means I feel more relaxed and the relationship seems to require less effort rather than more. Relating to each other in this way seems to come easily to us, and generally I feel happier. Things seemed to have been made easier rather than harder, which for me is great, since work is not a four-letter word I've ever been very fond of.


I agree

I fully agree with Louise, I also feel more relaxed and happy, although I am concerned about our relationship more.


I agree with those of you who

I agree with those of you who said that this relationship requires less work than any prior relationship I have had. It is much easier to be open and honest when you both understand where the other is coming from.

I don't always agree with my husband and we do have our share of arguments—petty and big ones—but at the end of the day, my husband's dominance makes life easier, because when push comes to shove, he has the final say. My rebellious nature was really quashed pretty early on in our marriage.

This marriage is significantly easier than my first. Now, if something threatened my marriage, I would work hard to save it, but on a day to day basis, I don't see my marriage as work.

I agree

The concept of working on a relationship was really brought home to me recently after reading "The Summer Garden", by Paullina Simons. The couple in question could've had a mediocre relationship (like many people do) by ignoring their demons and problems. However, difficult and heart rending as the process was, 'working' on their relationship was worth every effort, every argument, and every lovemaking session.