Woman whisperer

Woman whisperer

Single men sometimes say that they would never countenance marrying a resistant woman, and that what they are looking for is a meekly obedient, submissive woman. When they meet a strong, spirited high-dominance woman who is not meekly, sweetly submissive from the outset, they write her off and move on to the next woman.

Perhaps these men don't want a Taken In Hand relationship, as it appears, but if they do, then rejecting all these women may be a huge mistake. Taken In Hand inclined women are not generally meekly submissive by default, but they do want to be brought to submission by the right man. And when they have been mastered by the right man, many of them precisely blossom into the peaceful, obedient, even submissive woman that these men are looking for.

The Taken In Hand wife you might see serenely gliding about the room so meekly submissively serving her beloved husband as you dine together at their home was probably very different when they first met. At that time, she was probably wilful, proudly independent, and might well have been appalled had anyone suggested that she might one day serve and submit to a man. But the man she married kindly, calmly, firmly, submitted her. As their relationship progressed, his active control of her brought her to submission—to that serene submissive state you see her in now. And if there is ever any need for further action to keep her in hand, her husband will act, bringing her back into submission. And this is precisely what makes their home so enviably serene. Were her husband not prepared to take the necessary action to actively control her on an on-going basis, she would never have been able to reach her current state of peaceful submission.

Taken In Hand women need a man who does not resent (or indeed reject altogether!) the idea of on-going action to control her. All single men wanting a Taken In Hand relationship need to understand this. To expect a woman to be meekly obedient at the very start of a relationship, before you have even got married, is unrealistic. It also guarantees that no Taken In Hand woman will want you, because it appears that you are not very take-charge, and that you have no heart for the reality of actually controlling her in real life.

I was watching Dog Whisperer the other day. For those who don't know, it is a TV programme that follows dog behaviourist Cesar Millan as he meets unbalanced, troublesome or disturbed dogs and their owners and, using his kind, gentle, firm, calm assertiveness, he—as he puts it—rehabilitates dogs and trains people. He helps owners to become calm assertive pack leaders able to submit their dogs into a calm submissive state. No dog is too difficult for Cesar Millan to handle. No matter how severe the case, no matter how aggressively dominant the dog is, Cesar calmly, confidently, and with gentle firmness puts the dog into a calm submissive state and brings balance to the dog-owner relationship. At the end of the process, a dangerous “red zone” ultra-aggressive, dominant dog is now a peaceful, happy, submissive dog that obeys its owner.

When a single man says that he wants a meekly submissive woman rather than one who needs to be taken in hand and brought to submission, I find myself thinking of Cesar Millan, and asking myself what would happen if Cesar Millan were to decide that he would only deal with dogs that are already meekly submissive.

Women, like dogs, can be brought to that peaceful, happy submissive state of balance and serenity. A woman loves only her master—the one who has mastered her and brought her to submission—the one who masters her.

If you are a man in search of a woman with whom to have a Taken In Hand relationship, and you reject any woman who isn't meekly submissive by default—anyone who needs to be taken in hand and mastered—you almost guarantee that you will never be able to create a Taken In Hand relationship. Instead, enjoy and welcome the process of mastering the wonderful spirited woman you meet who is not in the slightest bit submissive but who wants a Taken In Hand relationship. It is that very woman who may ultimately be the most deeply submitted to you.

Sarah

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Comments

Hear! Hear!

A woman with intelligence, character, and valor is often difficult to bring to heel, but well worth the effort. Her harnessed energy propels the couple through life.

THANK YOU!

Thank you SO much for this article! As a willful, independent woman it is difficult to find a man willing, confident, and strong enough to get my attention and respect. I WANT someone to reel me into submission. I want the strong man with a quiet dominance!

Careful not to generalise

"To expect a woman to be meekly obedient at the very start of a relationship, before you have even got married, is unrealistic."

With respect, Sarah, this is a generalisation. A man may expect what he wishes, just as we, as women, may expect from a man what it is that we seek.

I have to agree Alba

and this very demand of the OP, that men may not expect meek and mildness in a potential Taken In Hand mate is, quite ironically a prime example of precisely what to stand up to and subdue when one meets such a 'strong and independent' woman...

Abso-dog gone-lutely

I watch that show too, and have often seen the correlation to taken in hand relationships. I have watched with a sort of sad fascination the stagnation in the "personals" section of Taken In Hand. One would have hoped there would have been tons of men standing in line to find us. The not so obvious women to a taken in hand relationship. The strong, independent, and to the outside world, dominant females. But we wait, our hand outstretched in friendship for the dance to begin.

LateToTheGate

A question

Whether you like it or not, the kind of men that you are looking for want a version of a "meekly obedient, submissive woman" and you need to show that you have this capacity first, before you start to resist. Once you show that you have feminine qualities and the potential to be a helpmate and a life partner, that you have the qualities that these men find valuable, they will be willing to make the necessary personal investment, and will enjoy subjugating you.

Many of you also seem to be under the delusion that a real man, who spends his days subjugating his environment, desires to be in frequent conflict with a woman who is much less formidable than she imagines, and maybe more annoying than she realizes. (And I am not talking about sexual conquest at all, DeeMarie. I agree with a lot of what you have written.)

Yes, showing you who is in control, from time to time, is necessary and fun. But very few of us are looking for a lifestyle defined by "resistance." We are looking for feminine women who want, and are able, to be our complement.

And while women often proclaim that they are more "emotionally intelligent," men are not the ones marrying "bad boys" with the expectation that they can be "changed." When we see a wannabe man, our first reaction isn't to think "gee, let me waste my time and risk my sanity trying to change this fembot into someone who will enhance my life."

Dont settle girls

Great article! Shame about this comment:

Whether you like it or not, the kind of men that you are looking for want a version of a "meekly obedient, submissive woman"

Try again. You can't read our minds. If you could you would know that what *I* wanted was a man that would take me in hand and subjugate me like the article said. I rejected all the lazy dom wannabes that came my way and stayed single until I met a real man—one that had the balls and the drive to conquer and submit me. HIM I married and we are more in love than ever.

Don't settle for the weak submissive selfish lazy dom who's into himself, girls. There's men out there that PREFER girls like us.

One more thing: not all men want a prissy feminine girl, some prefer a hard-working tough girl. Like my husband said, he likes a challenge—it's more fun and interesting.

Why would I want a man that doesn't like a challenge?

I wouldn't. I need a man that's dominant to the core, not one that just likes to pretend he is. Boy did I get that in my husband. He has me well in hand. I asked him if he's prefer me to wear girl clothes all the time and he said no way, and that I look cute whatever I wear. He sees the girl in me that needed his firm hand even if wannabe doms don't.

Don't give up the dream, girls. Whether you're a very feminine resistant girl or a tom boy like me, there's men out there that don't want a meek submissive sweet submissive girl, and you won't attract those men if you're playing the sweet little thing.

PS I can't remember the last time I disobeyed my husband. I worship the ground he walks on and I show him that every day.

Playing?

What right has anyone to say that men who prefer not to have to fight their women are 'wannabe doms'? Some may be shallow and strutting (which is as loathsome as 'playing' the sweet card and sheathing your claws until he's fallen for the softer act), I realise, but hands up who's read the article(s) on this site about 'commanding presence'? I personally have no wish to fight a truly commanding presence—to me that's the whole point, but I accept that people see things differently. Each to his own surely?

A few thoughts

The “Woman whisperer” article was excellent.

And, as The Editor (?) has said elsewhere on this site:

A Taken In Hand relationship is a wholehearted sexually exclusive marriage in which, to the delight of both spouses, the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the husband retains control vary from Taken In Hand couple to Taken In Hand couple, but in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to have the upper hand. No matter how strong, tough and forceful a Taken In Hand wife may be, and no matter how hard she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand. Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the husband may be, he prefers to keep his wife firmly in hand.

Yes, exactly. The husband must have the ability and desire to actively control his woman.

But his capabilities and nature aren’t determined by the amount or type of controlling that a particular woman turns out to need, which wasn’t actually specified, anyway (“No matter how …”).

For some men, subjugating a woman (separate from sexual conquest, and with consent) is an important end unto itself, so significant resistance could be essential. But, if such control is mostly a means to create and maintain a stable relationship so that other experiences can be explored, a less resistant woman may be more appropriate.

Some women have to be taken further to arrive at submission, while others are already mostly in hand, but the end result of Taken In Hand is that the man will end up with a woman who is submissive, in one sense or another.

And a woman who is mostly sweet can also have a need to be controlled, but in different ways than a more resistant woman, and often for different reasons as well. So we need to see that there can be various motivations for subjugation, and separate them from the effects that it can have on women with different personalities.

And we especially need to notice that words such as “sweet,” “spirited,” and so on can have very different meanings to different people, and that they are not mutually exclusive. Sweet women are also far from perfect, just like everyone else, so we really should stop reacting as if “sweet” were a synonym for “better.”

And just because a woman is naturally submissive doesn’t mean that she will throw herself at just anybody. She may carefully select and test her man, and then jump to whatever level of submission is appropriate for her, at that time and with that person. She may prefer, for example, to resist only in a way that inspires sexual conquest, while simply enjoying peace and security in other parts of her relationship, which still requires her man to be actively in control.

In any case, Taken In Hand exists as a continuum for both men and women, and if the basic ideas of Taken In Hand apply to us, we belong here and can learn from each other, as long as we accept that we don’t know everything and work to understand what other people are actually trying to say. We should ask questions to clarify what is vague, instead of jumping to conclusions, becoming offended and then yelling at each other.

Chicken and egg

"Taken In Hand women need a man who does not resent (or indeed reject altogether!) the idea of on-going action to control her."

Indeed he needs to need as part of his erotic mind set and hard wiring to exercise some active control (for me).

I only feel submissive when I am dominated but some dominant men don't feel they can dominate until they see some submission—difficult chicken and egg situation sometimes for me.

To submit imples submitting TO something.

"some dominant men don't feel they can dominate until they see some submission"

To submit implies submitting to something. Submission to what? How is it possible in the absense of the man taking charge or dominating/controlling her?

Only in the human race would such a male ever be called dominant. In the animal kingdom being dominant means dominating, not being unable to do so until the other animal expresses submission. In the animal world the dominant animal makes the others submit.

A man that can't be dominant unless the woman is meekly submissive is simply not very dominant, he's not a man that will take charge or take control of her.

Conversely, to dominate does not imply that the individual dominated was bevaving submissively prior to being dominated/submitted. The dominant animal's position is often challenged and he puts down all challengers to retain his position.

Slight misunderstanding

I have posted for over a year using first a different name and then anonymously before registering as Alba (and during this time John has also written some extremely useful advice to me about a situation with which I'm still struggling), but throughout I have always understood that there are some readers who didn't see themselves as actively putting up resistance to a man. (I consider myself submissive, and that's all I mean by the word 'submissive'—getting an erotic thrill from complying with a man's wishes without his necessarily having to submit a woman to achieve that compliance. It's being 'actively controlled to do as he wishes' alongside what may be a greater or lesser element of 'actively controlled not to do what he wishes me not to do'.) I have posted comments about women who are pretty well 'in hand' already (as John has now said)—not in any way to imply that these women make a better 'catch'—simply to give another viewpoint.

I really don't like the D/s sites (or at least none I have ever seen so far appeal in the slightest) and the withered relationship that I'm now in began purely as spanking, and my view on that has changed ... so the LAST place I want to go is back to a D/s site, believe me. I don't want to be referred to as 'a sub' and I feel at home here for the first time in my life.

Thank you for the site, and I'll definitely keep reading.

Reply to anonymous comment

Whether you like it or not, the kind of men that you are looking for want a version of a "meekly obedient, submissive woman"

No, Taken In Hand women want the equivalent of a man like Cesar Millan, who can see that the dog he trains will make a wonderful pet once brought to submission, they don't want a man who is unable to see the reality of what is possible.

There are of course plenty of men (in the Ds community at any rate) who want only women who are meekly obedient and submissive from the outset, but this is the Taken In Hand site, not a Ds site, and the name Taken In Hand implies that the woman is not necessarily in hand from the outset. In general, my advice to other Taken In Hand women is to avoid like the plague men who expect meek obedience in the absence of the full commitment of marriage (let alone from the first meeting) because these men tend to have narcissistic personalities and in some cases antisocial tendencies too, and such individuals make very poor husbands. (And yes, I would advise men to avoid personality disordered women too, for the same reason.)

you need to show that you have this capacity first, before you start to resist.

That doesn't really make sense, does it? Why would you start to resist later? To suggest resisting later makes it sound as though you are talking about playing a fantasy sex game, but Taken In Hand is not a fantasy, it is about being controlled and taken in hand in reality. And in what sense would the man have taken you in hand if you are already in hand?

A relationship does not spring into life fully formed, it grows and develops. A man who expects a woman to act as though there is full commitment when there isn't, is erring on the side of self-serving narcissism. A woman who throws herself into being meekly submissive with each man she meets is either failing to take care of herself and her feminine feelings, or she doesn't have feminine vulnerability in the first place, in which case she is hardly the feminine woman allegedly sought. Women with Taken In Hand inclinations take the whole thing a lot more seriously and a lot less casually. They don't willy nilly submit to men they meet, they wait until they have found the right man. And the rightness of a man does not become obvious immediately, necessarily. It can take time for a man's rightness to become clear, just as it can take time for a man to become convinced that a given woman is the right woman for him. Each can see the potential in the other, but there still needs to be a process of checking and learning more. Caution is advisable on both sides, and that means not throwing oneself into perfect submission. A man who doesn't approve of this very sensible period of slowly getting to know the other person without getting caught up and bonded in submission, is one who is insufficiently concerned about the wellbeing of the woman he is getting to know.

This is not to say that during this time there is no sign that the woman is one who will respond well to control on the part of the man. But there is a big difference between that and being meekly submissive from the outset with every man she meets. (And some men actually like the fact that their wife is submissive only to them!)

Once you show that you have feminine qualities and the potential to be a helpmate and a life partner, that you have the qualities that these men find valuable, they will be willing to make the necessary personal investment, and will enjoy subjugating you.

Whoa! You are assuming that the resistant Taken In Hand woman has not shown that she has these qualities. That assumption is unfounded. If the woman appears to have no potential as a life partner to the man then obviously the man should reject her. But you are assuming that only if she is meekly obedient and submissive will she appear to the man to have qualities that would make a wonderful helpmate. That may be true for some men, but in that case they need to find a woman on a Ds site, not the Taken In Hand site. It is not true for all men. Many men on this site are perfectly capable of seeing what Taken In Hand women can become with the right man. Actually that is not quite the right way for me to put it. It is not that she can become that way. She is already that way, but only with the right man and only in a fully committed relationship.

Many of you also seem to be under the delusion that a real man, who spends his days subjugating his environment, desires to be in frequent conflict with a woman who is much less formidable than she imagines, and maybe more annoying than she realizes.

If she is so much less formidable than she imagines, how is it that taking her in hand and submitting her seems such an onerous task? Why wouldn't a man enjoy doing so, like Cesar Millan does with dogs? (See also the wonderfully insightful articles by Noone.) Moreover, to suggest that not being meekly obedient and submissive means being in frequent conflict with the man is a mistake. Being a high-dominance woman does not imply unpleasant conflict, it just means that she is not meekly submissive by default.

Yes, showing you who is in control, from time to time, is necessary and fun. But very few of us are looking for a lifestyle defined by "resistance."

In my article I tried to make that very point: Taken In Hand women do not want a life filled with conflict, they want to be conquered, taken in hand, controlled and submitted by the right man, and once thus conquered and in the safety of marriage, they are so peaceful, reverent, and serenely submissive and obedient, that you might well assume that they were meekly submissive from the outset. The man Taken In Hand women want is one who knows that that is possible, and who has the confidence and the ability to attain that. For it is that kind of man who makes a Taken In Hand woman feel safe to let go and submit.

And while women often proclaim that they are more "emotionally intelligent,"

I did not say that. Nor have I ever thought it, I assure you.

Taken in Hand marriages last

Real men do not want weak and subservient women so much as they want a woman of whom they can be proud and on whom they can depend.

More often that not, it is the woman—rather than the man—who realizes that she needs to be spanked. In fact, several women have said, one way or another, that women were physically and psychologically made to be spanked.

Despite delusions to the contrary, *Taken in Hand* is not a lifestyle. Rather it is a means of problem solving that evolved through millennia of human interaction. It has survived attempts at politically correct education because it is effective and is, most probably, encoded in the interaction of the genes.

That is why wives want husbands to behave like men as well as why they love and respect men for willing to take the. in hand. It also explains why—much to the chagrin of detractors—*Taken in Hand* marriages last.

I think the name of this site says it all.

TAKEN In Hand

It isn't, 'Place Self In Hand' :)

I am an extremely confident Alpha woman.
I want a MAN who can out Alpha me just with his presence alone. I want/need to know that he CAN Take me In Hand.

And, since we are on the subject of 'dogs'—in the wild the Alpha of the pack usually mates with the Alpha female in the pack, not the meekest/mildest female.

I think this indicates that a ‘naturally’ Alpha male will be drawn to an Alpha female.

In my opinion, a man who is not naturally Alpha wants the benefits without having the prerequisites necessary for the position.

Women (and Men) are Different

Clearly some women want to be submitted by a man and others want to start off as submissive and don't wish to resist, while in the presence of a man who is commanding.

The latter woman needs to be more careful because she is not asking her man to demonstrate his prowess and trustworthiness over time. If she is submissive to begin with, she may not gather the requisite information about a man's character.

It is a reasonable position for a woman to start off as submissive, but perhaps such a woman should insist on a longer courtship.

Mike

The man needs to TAKE HER IN HAND or it's not a Taken In Hand re

Good point that it is "taken in hand". The man needs to be active, to take, to act, to dominate.

I certainly agree if you're very submissive, as I am, they you need to be very careful to assess someone first, hold back from them, be cautious.

On this:
"To submit imples submitting to something. Submission to what? How is it possible in the absense of the man taking charge or dominating/controlling her?
Only in the human race would such a male ever be called dominant. In the animal kingdom being dominant means dominating, not being unable to do so until the other animal expresses submission. In the animal world the dominant animal makes the others submit.
A man that can't be dominant unless the woman is meekly submissive is simply not very dominant, he's not a man that will take charge or take control of her."

I agree. I've had a discussion about this before now. I feel submissive when someone is dominant or taking me in hand. If there is no sign of that at all because he's waiting for me to appear submissive then we just get completely stymied which is such a shame. On the other hand we can't have dominant men dragging women into their caves by the hair before they've even been introduced so they have to wait for some kind of sign or indication I suppose that she's at least interested. Or perhaps they just have been self confident enough to be able to cope with female rejection.

Leaders of the Pack

“Confident Alpha Woman”, I had to laugh when I read your comments. I too am a very alpha female and will require a very strong alpha male to be my mate. Your pack example is right. The pack needs strong pups if it is to survive the rigors of life and that only happens if both parents are strong alpha types. In the pack the alpha female submits ONLY to the alpha male and keeps all others subordinate to herself. In life, most of us (alpha females) that are interested in a Taken In Hand relationship are seeking the man that is not only strong enough to bring us “to heel” but can keep us there. We need that Ï‹ber male that can control our, shall we say, wilder aspects to our nature to keep us feeling safe and protected. None of us will be ingenious and pretend to be something we are not. For one thing it would be immediately sensed by the truly strong males we seek. We cannot hide what we are. Second, it is tiring to keep it up. I have much better things to do with that energy. If a man wishes to have a more submissive woman then more power to him. But if a man wants to have a partner that is strong enough to work with him to keep their love and relationship strong, he may need to look for a woman that has true alpha female personalities. She may need to be “taken” but the rewards will be well worth the battle.

Libby

Cannot but agree with you!!!

I absolutely agree when you suggest "a naturally Apha male will be drawn to an Alpha female" and would like to add that any Alpha female will only be drawn to a real Alpha male...

I am like you, a confident Alpha woman, successful in a "man's" job in what is considered the last "male" industry. Nobody would ever consider me submissive. Being the only female in our management team (very feminine though) I can keep any man at bay with just a glance. Nobody would ever dare to approach me in a non-professional way ... or ever think that I would love to have a dominant partner.

I'm still curiously waiting to meet a man who has more will power, more determination than I do, who would dare to conquer and enjoy the challenge. Isn't Beatrice's and Benedick's banter (much ado about nothing) just gorgeous?

I do not know much about issues related to Taken In Hand—this is all rather new to me and this page is the first I have encountered—but I know for sure that I do not value things given/achieved easily or shared with many. I'd expect my Alpha male to think the same and appreciate a good "fight" (now do not take fight literally! I am talking about the electricity and the friction of conquest—mentally and physically).

A real Alpha man is somebody who has proved to be superior and thus worth loyalty and obedience.

Lana

Brilliant!!!

What an excellent article! I could not agree more. I have stated previously that I have experienced life in other countries where the rules of courtship where the same as a hundred years ago. I believe whole-heartedly in the feminist movement and believe that it was a political necessity only because of the lack of philosophical guidance that we current manifest in our Western culture. It was necessary to create a straw man because our culture had been so dumbed down that it could no longer understand the struggle was between good and evil and not men and women.

Ayn Rand has been reviewed here and a recent re-reading of her philosophical non-fiction works underlines the idea that the arts and letters of Western culture have suffered such a demise in the past 150 plus years that we are reduced to a state where men and women no longer naturally communicate in a primal instinctual fashion and no longer consider it necessary. Wooing a woman is as obsolete as craftsmanship and clean water. It is a culture of instant breakfast and fast food and the process that is necessary in courship has been defined in terms of modern iconography that is so alien to the original metaphors it is extinct and unrecognizable, useable and therefore unknowable to the majority and there is in the best of us a longing that is a remnant.

This century has occupied itself with the professional shaming of men; they are shamed and thought of as idiots for the same qualities that made them heroes a short time ago. The intellectualization of the male has made him feel embarrassed for experiencing the emotions that where a part of the human heart/mind for centuries. The masculine process of mastering the inner and outer world surrounding him his now considered foolish and yet at one time this was a pleasure the radiated from the inner being to the outer pores; the essence of mastering the world created a harmony and the process was a pleasure, honorable behavior was a pleasure, courtesy, dignity and a courtship of elegant giving, all these things a great pleasure.

Just as excessive manners, elegant dress, and the other rules have been banned so has the masculine embracing of courtship largely been banned and the men who engage in it are shammed and often pay a great price for their ethics. The cliché of the Good Samaritan is now considered a fool, if you see a crime, run and don’t get involved, don’t fight for what you believe in because in an existential world there is no reason to believe. There is no need to get dressed up, it is dress down, and when your neighbor visits a chair is enough.

Not so under the umbrella of Philosophy which survived the worst of plagues only to be obliterated by the industrial revolution and the contemporary mediocrity of egalitarianism that has been the most powerful tool of destruction we have ever witnessed.

Many men who present themselv

Many men who present themselves as dominant are actually only taking a free ride on the last vestiges of patriarchy, in that they are not inherently dominant but rely on the privileges that were accorded to them purely because of their gender. Such men are often only able to deal with the abased or subjugated woman as they are not capable of leading any capable woman into a commanding relationship.

I have always told my children that if they want an exciting partner they should get out and go to the places where exciting people go...

Capable dominant men don't have to go around looking for submissive women because quite simply men and women will recognise the social hierarchy that surrounds such a person and respond appropriately. However when people enter into a relationship the commanding man will be able to negotiate the way to the Taken In Hand as part of the evolving trajectory of the relationship...

Cat whisperer

This woman whispering really struck a chord for me- I'm someone who works well with animals, cats in particular. I used to have a number of cats over the years, and where I live in India, many of them were from the street, and didn't much trust most humans. It felt really good to be able to know how to calm and connect with them—domesticate them and give them a safe home—but as a child if I wasn't there to remind them of that connection, they'd quickly revert to wild behavior and run away...

[For the rest of this comment see Cat whisperer.—The Editor]

It's true

My wife wasn't obedient when we started but she's good as gold now. A woman will change depending on how you treat her. Be calm and assertive with your woman and you can mold her as you want her.

Surrender, Yes. Conquest, No.

I'm a take-charge person, but only in my world and on my terms. I believe there is too much risk in trying to conquer a resistant woman and remake her into my Taken In Hand partner. I want to see that she will defer to my leadership before any commitment is made. That's because if I let the wrong person into my life, it's a hassle to have to get rid of her when I eventually figure out she was not the right fit.

Leadership

I want to see that a man is capable of leadership before I'd think about deferring to him. Otherwise, it can be a real hassle fixing your life up after he's bungled it.

Agree with Mimi

I agree with Mimi. There are so many guys out there that are not and would never be capable of leading a woman in a Taken In Hand relationship, it pays to make sure the guy's capable of TAKING you in hand and keeping you there once he's done so. Guys that say they WON'T take a girl in hand need to move along to different site not claim to be interested in what this site's about. Conquest is, I believe, an essential element of Taken In Hand.

Leadership, Deference, and Dating

The purpose of dating is for two people to check each other out over an extended period of time to make sure they are compatible. If the man won't demonstrate his leadership abilities before marriage, he will not do so after marriage. If the woman won't start to defer to his leadership as he demonstrates it before marriage, she won't do so after marriage either.

Leadership is situational. Some women want to be actively reminded of their place and the men who are right for them are the ones who enjoy the fun of keeping her in line (although her resistance may diminish over time as she gradually acquiesces to his control). But some men do not enjoy such a dynamic and want to know before a commitment is made that the woman accepts his control so that he doesn't have to "resell himself" to her all the time. In such a case, perhaps a long period of dating is necessary to make sure both people feel secure before entering into marriage.

Positive Reinforcement - Clicker Training

I can't help but comment on the dog training aspects of this article.

I was led to this analogy (dog training) of relationships, via another website & explored it quite deeply.

I would like to point out another style of dog training, called Clicker Training, which is an extremely fast, effective method of training.

I have used this method with great success with MY CAT. She is now able to retrieve metal objects, go to her bed, jump through hoop, excellent recall & walk on a loose leash.

So, please do investigate this method if you find Alpha dog training techniques or using primarily aversives doesn't work for you. You will find MANY excellent dog trainers who have real regret for the years and dogs that they have trained primarily with aversives and switched to 'clicker training'. Using desired rewards to train behaviours.

Check out Karen Pryor on the net or Melissa Alexander via google as good people to start with if you are interested.

Please check this information out, as it will radically enhance your relationship as well, as it uses the science of behaviour. Understanding this will help all aspects of your life in my opinion.