Why won't he spank me when he's angry?
Why won't your husband spank you when he is angry or annoyed? Well, there could be a lot of reasons, but one of the most basic may be the fact that men have to overcome a lifetime of conditioning that tells us that it is wrong to hit our wives in anger.
Our dads told most of us that hitting girls/women is wrong—not just wrong under certain circumstances, wrong, wrong, wrong.
So, for a man to spank you erotically (as foreplay), he probably had to put aside a deeply held moral conviction. That's not an easy thing to do.
And that's only the first layer of wrongness.
The second layer comes when a wife asks her husband to go beyond erotic spanking and discipline her. Now, he is being asked to hit his wife when she does something wrong. When she somehow "needs" it or has "earned" a spanking. This not only goes against the "hitting women" rule, it turns him into something that most of us call a wife-beater.
If he's old enough to remember The Honeymooners or other television/movies of the nineteen-fifties, he probably associates wife-spanking with the kind of loathsome creature who thinks he's "better" than a woman. Those are the men of his grandfather's generation who hit their wives "because they deserved it" or "because she asked for it".
Those men were despicible bastards—neanderthals that we are ashamed to have in our ancestry.
In today's world, those are the kinds of men that other men take out behind the barn (or behind the tavern) and teach a lesson to. (The lesson being: You don't hit women and you most certainly don't hit your wife).
Those of us who post here have come to understand that there is a difference between wife beating and disciplinary spanking. But that understanding often comes as a result of a long hard look in the mirror and a deep re-thinking of our understanding of women.
It isn't easy to get to the point of disciplining a woman.
Furthermore, even if your husband is somehow able to get past both of those “don't ever do this” rules that are deeply ingrained into his conscience, you are now asking him to take a third step: to spank you in anger.
This request is reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland (“... believe three impossible things before breakfast”).
Not only is he supposed to hit a woman—and punish his wife as if she were a child—now he's supposed to do it when he's angry.
To understand why this is even more difficult, let's consider another basic thing about men: Men learn how to control their anger. That's one of the things that differentiates men from boys and from animals. If you can't control your anger, you aren't a man. But, for some of us, it's not that easy.
Male anger is a strong thing—a very difficult thing to control. For some of us, the best we can do is to shut down or withdraw when we are angry. It isn't the best level of control, but for some of us, it's all we have.
Asking a man to spank you at a time when he is angry requires him to engage his anger, rather than shut it down. You are asking him to wrestle with it and somehow maintain control of himself at the same time...
... while he is hitting you, and violating the other two most basic rules of life as a man.
And what if he fails? What happens if he releases his anger on you and spanks you—allowing himself to inflict his anger on your body—and he is unable to rein it in?
What happens when you scream at him to stop in the middle of his fury when he is hitting you too hard—when you suddenly realize that his anger is more than you can stand?
What happens, is that he loses you. You go screaming home to your mother, file for divorce, have him arrested for beating you, and he ends up in jail—or at least that's what he fears will happen. Note that he isn't really afraid of you (nor your mother). He's afraid of the power of his own anger.
I presume you are asking him to spank you with some of his anger, not all of it. I presume that you want him to have control while he is doing it, rather than just letting go and giving you everything he has. Sure, that's possible, but it ain't easy—especially for someone who has never done it before.
It isn't something that most of us practice doing. We aren't supposed to hit people when we're angry—and we aren't supposed to hit women at all. So hitting a woman with some of our anger—and keeping it under control—Good Grief! Nobody told us that we had to learn how to do that! (There are exceptions: boxers, soldiers, police officers etc.)
How do you get your husband past all of this? Here's one suggestion: talk to him at a time when he isn't angry and discuss something that is kind of a pet peeve of his. Tell him that you know that your behavior in some area annoys him and that you would like to use it as a test case.
Tell him you want him to spank you the next time you make him mildly annoyed.
Since it will be a pet peeve and not a major issue, it should allow him to wrestle with anger on a small scale (otherwise referred to as “annoyance”). If you frequently burn the toast at breakfast, that's probably a good choice. It's annoying. It's worth a good spanking and a lecture about paying attention, but it isn't something that most of us get furious about.
If he is willing to try out his anger on you over a small annoyance, it will give him a taste of what it can be like to spank you when he is truly angry over something more important—and it will give you an idea of what to expect if he does choose to express real anger in a spanking.
I was surprised when my wife told me that she wanted to feel my anger. I told her that she didn't know what she was asking for. But she wanted it. She insisted.
And I gave it to her.
But she made it easier for me: she was asking me to scold her, to yell at her, not to spank her. Even so, I hurt her badly (emotionally) and sent her crying into another room. (Trust me, when I scold, I do a damned good job of it).
She came back in, five minutes later, and hugged me and thanked me. I'm not so sure that would have been the result if I had spanked her in anger.
If you really want your husband to spank you in anger, please make sure you understand what you are asking for, and please figure out some way of doing it in small stages.
Men's anger was designed to be lethal. It was designed for killing—for those times when a bear is attacking you or when a gang of rapists is after you—for those moments in history when the really bad guys invaded our homeland, intent on destroying us. We modern men don't face those situations much anymore. We don't get a lot of practice in legitimate uses of anger.
Asking us to use our anger on you with the kind of delicate finesse that you require (i.e. a spanking, not a beating) is asking an awful lot.
Remember that you are asking your man to do something that (hopefully) his father told him he was never supposed to even think about doing.
When my wife and I moved to actual spanking in real anger, we found a way of handling it. But it took us years to get there.
Why won't your husband spank you in anger? Quite possibly because he has a long path ahead of him to reach a point where he can do it without losing his soul in the process.
Oh, by the way, it took me 18 years to begin to understand that my wife wanted me to use my anger on her. It took an additional six or seven years to get to the point of spanking her (physically) in anger.
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