We're very happy and our relationship has been what you might term a Taken In Hand or “traditional with extras” one for about 5 years. How has our relationship evolved over that time?
Like many others, we started out with a lot of rules and so forth but gradually that all changed. Now it's as natural as breathing for me to look up to my husband as the leader in almost everything. I don't need reminders or limits or punishments; it's just who we are.
Frankly, we didn't do well with that whole punishment-rules routine we started with. It didn't last very long. I already had a burning desire to make my husband happy so when I'd fail him in some way, I'd feel so horrible, it was far worse than the punishment.
Even though he was wonderful about praising me afterwards and all that. He was doing everything right, I just couldn't cope, not with my type of personality.
I started to spiral into a wife who jumped with alarm whenever he'd be upset about anything, even if it wasn't about me. This made him very distraught and terribly unhappy with himself since he loves me to pieces and the very last thing he ever wanted was for me to get jumpy or afraid of him. He wanted me to feel completely secure and well-loved. He would immediately stop and call me to him when he'd see me upset and stroke me, calming me.
But knowing that he could physically punish me at any moment if I blew it somehow definitely did not make me feel secure at all but quite the opposite.
So after much talking (well, mostly me opening up more to him in one really long talk one night, though I resisted being totally honest because I wasn't sure I wanted to give it up—some of it was great—but after he heard me out, he insisted on changing some of it) my husband and I relegated all smacks and so-called “punishments” to bedroom play only and it's quite enjoyable now.
In the marriage, I still defer to him as I would a superior officer who is also a good friend, but I still have my say, too. In the bedroom, my role is far different since that is where most of these desires came from in the first place. I am very subservient sexually and he is very demanding of me but we enjoy that. A LOT!
Things have changed since the beginning: it's gotten much better.
It's best to roll with the punches with this kind of thing and figure out what truly makes you both happy. That's all that matters.
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