Why do you consider such a wide variety of relationships to be Taken In Hand?

Submitted by The Taken In Hand Site Owner and Creator on Sat, 17/09/2005 - 09:04

Why do you consider such a wide variety of relationships to be Taken In Hand?

Readers often seem puzzled by articles I put up: these posts seem to those readers to be nothing to do with what those readers think Taken In Hand is about.

For example, many see Taken In Hand as being DD, some see it as D/s, and some assert that it is about BDSM—despite the fact that I myself don't think it is any of those things, and I knew nothing of those things when my ideas were forming. The idea that this is an offshoot of one of those things is entirely false, though I can understand the desire of some in these communities to take credit for these ideas.

Some think that Taken In Hand is exclusively about male-led relationships in which the man is a gentleman and would not dream of hitting his wife; others can't understand why I put up posts from individuals who think like that.

Some see it as a relationship between two strong individuals, with the man being stronger; of these individuals, some enjoy violent interactions, whereas others' dynamics are more about friendly psychological battling and less about physical battles.

Some readers speak of Taken In Hand as being about relationships between alpha males and alpha females; others think of Taken In Hand as being about traditional relationships. Some see it as being about TPE/“absolute power” relationships; to others, that is positively frightening; some like the “surrendered wife” idea; others are drawn to the Genesis 3:16 idea. Some enjoy the husband-in-charge idea as part of their Jewish or Christian observance. For others, Taken In Hand is more about transgression. And there are many more possible categories, and many differences even within each of these rough categories.

Why do I consider so many different types of relationship to be Taken In Hand? Because I think in terms of the underlying dynamics, not the overt form they take. In all cases:

they both wholeheartedly want this rather than suffering it as un unpleasant duty or burden
the husband is in charge—to his wife's delight
the husband puts his wife and their relationship first rather than being purely self-serving

The Taken In Hand Site Owner and Creator

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Comments

There is something almost com

Submitted by a Taken In Hand reader on Sat, 17/09/2005 - 17:29

There is something almost comforting about traditional relationships, I am learning. Before, having to have all the answers and always being strong as a female, was wearing. Now, I learn the strength of the man is nice to fold in to. I find a security that is so appealing.

I totally agree

Submitted by Jeanna Cooper on Wed, 19/07/2006 - 20:04

Your comment on a strong female always having to make decisions makes you weary. I am an alpha female (for the most part) and it seems that because of this I have many times attracted men who are very sweet, loving, soft, tender, soft spoken and I fall for them because of these qualities. What I find out later though, is that these men are not assertive in the real world, they have a tough time negotiating, making decisions, confronting issues, setting boundaries and want me to do these things for them 'us'. I don't like to fight yet I have no problem with confrontation or standing my ground. These men have problems with the smallest things like being responsible with money, getting to places on time, dressing themselves and like the fact that I can do all of this. What happens though, is that over, time I become EXHAUSTED having to take care of everything and work, and clean the house (because they just can't seem to get around to it)...then when I start to get bossy about them doing things,,,they actually like it and will get things done 'for a few days' then revert to their old ways. I think they want a dominatrix! Then another interesting phenomenon happens...I begin to see my partners as little boys who need a mother and I lose interest in them sexually. I lose respect and admiration for them and I've even gone so far as to get so frustrated that I have slapped one across the face...with the intention of belittling him as I had felt completely used up. I cannot surrender and be feminine with a man like this....I cannot seem to even wear alot of feminine or revealing clothing when with these men, as I feel the need to dress in power suits and pants so that I appear more authoritative to society.

This is how I have come to realize that although I do struggle with some Alpha men...I don't like being bossed around or told what to wear, etc...but when a man is a true gentleman yet knows himself and sets his personal boundaries and people KNOW that they cannot pull the wool over his eyes, I become in AWE of him. If we are having an argument, and a man politely says 'enough...I'm not talking about this anymore', I feel a certain respect and if I haven't resolved the issue, I will write him a respectful letter to get closure. I have been with men who are slighty possessive and intense lovers, and want to know where I am 24/7, and unless they are truly mentally disturbed stalkers, I find this very erotic, like this man is letting people know that I am his woman, don't mess with me or you will hear from him, and he wants me by his side and gives a damn if I am running behind schedule.

So, I guess I am looking to be 'takeninhand'.

Reply to Jeanne

Submitted by Mrs. KISS on Sun, 16/01/2011 - 21:10

If you are looking for a Taken In Hand relationship, you should become familiar with Hedda Nussbaum's signs of abuse, You want to find a good guy, not an abusive bully. It is particularly concerning that you have previously belittled men that you were with, and even went so far as to slap one. You need to make sure you do not find a man who treats you like that. Even if you yourself have behaved that way in the past, you still need to be certain of better treatment than that for yourself if you do find a man you want to give control to.

By the way, spanking is not necessarily part of a Taken in Hand relationship. It is only if you both want that—many Taken in Hand couples don't. The man being in charge is what makes it Taken In Hand.

Mrs. KISS

A gracious attitude

Submitted by Joe and Robin on Mon, 18/02/2013 - 20:03

It is a gracious attitude!
Give as if receiving.
Receive as if giving.
One cannot have a
giver without a receiver,
or vice versa.
So who is the Giver and
who is the receiver?

What people say about Taken In Hand

“[Taken In Hand] is not a regressive return to patriarchy but a more nuanced, sophisticated, informed form of relationship that is far more equal than mechanically-equal relationships! Bravo.”
- saint_UK

“[U]ntil 2 days ago I thought I was a crazy, ... abnormal
woman. [T]hen I stumbled onto the Taken in Hand website. I have never felt such relief, such internal peace in my life. This whole idea of being loved and trusting enough in another to place my, his and our well-being into his hands was exactly what I have been searching for my whole life. I spent 16 hours just reading... It is like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders.”
- Melissa

“It was my wonderful husband who made me ...see how a Taken In Hand relationship would be everything I ever wanted... Nothing... has ever changed me to such an extent... nor has anything been as liberating.”
- Peach

“[Taken In Hand is] a site advocating male led relationships, and it doesn't suffer from the flaws of BDSM that we've identified... It's a little too general, and too focused on marital relationships. But that aside, what it describes sounds a lot more authentically dominant than the BDSM I've seen. The [man is in control of the woman] in all spheres. But because he loves her and cares for her, he will behave within reason. Also, neither party has a way out, because they are married and believe marriage is for life. All that together makes this sort of relationship a lot more male dominant than typical BDSM ones. It's subversive, yet healthy and natural.”
- basilransom

“‘How does Taken In Hand help the man to feel positive about his relationship?’
Because it's SEXY. Because it allows him to dominate his woman in a loving and romantic way, which turns them both on and heats their love life up to a toasty sizzle. I see [Taken In Hand] as a chance for him to have fun flexing his manhood muscles and enjoy the thrill of dominating the woman he loves. That way it's a win-win situation for both of them. And it deepens the romantic bonds of love between us because few things can liven up a marriage like deep sexual passion.”
- DeeMarie

“[I]n Taken In Hand, I am enhancing and extending my power as a woman, and enriching my life and personality. I give up NOTHING, and gain the world.... [M]y perception of Taken In Hand is that there are few other venues that can compare for teaching men the responsible, healthy uses of power. It gives men skills and confidence they can use not just in their sexual relationships, but also with their children, in their professions, and out in the community. Taken In Hand requires a far higher level of courage, sacrifice, responsibility, and personal integrity than many [men] will even think to aspire to.”
- Sara

“Taken In Hand is about having the man in charge because you like it like that, it's not about blind obedience or never having your own way about anything.”
- Louise

“First of all, all you guys should check out this website, www.takeninhand.com, very interesting stuff here, check out the Commanding Presence [and] Alpha Males articles, [...] very valuable insights. [...] I'm taken by this site.”
- Eric

“Taken In Hand is serious about the nature of male-female relationships, [...], in way I find exhilarating, honest, refreshing, courageous, and exciting.”
- HoneyBun

“Taken In Hand: Fascinating... blog that deals with difficult and hot topics!”
- Polly Peachum

“The Taken in Hand website has proven to be a valuable source for intelligent and well thought out articles exploring [male-led relationships]. [...] For women who have longed for a relationship such as this and have no idea where to start, this is a great site for you. For men that want to better understand the whole concept from a women’s point of view, this site is a must read.”
- Michael Masterson

“If you think my perspective on dating isn't politically correct you should go read Taken In Hand. [It has] posts with titles like, When rape is a gift. You go, girl. Defy those hairy-armpitted feminists and enjoy yourself. :)”
- Jacqueline Passey

“There are lots of websites for people in the BDSM, D/s, DD (domestic discipline) and spanking communities. There are websites for people who belong to religions that advocate male-head-of-household marriage. There are even websites for Christians who are interested in BDSM. But there are very few websites for people who are interested in male-led intimate relationships but who are not interested in all that the above communities associate with this kind of relationship (jargon, clothes, etc.)
    Some of us don't even like thinking of this as a lifestyle. [...]
    If you are interested in this kind of relationship but are not interested in BDSM or D/s or DD or spanking websites, there's a new website for you: Taken In Hand”
     - Tom Newman

“Taken in Hand is a fascinating site. It’s refreshing to hear women speaking in those terms, standing up for core desires that are, for many people, an unpopular view...
What these women want, and apparently have found, is an experience and feeling of freedom to simply be who they desire to be. They have found REAL MEN.”
- J. Martinez

“If you're looking for real people who live a "male-led" relationship... check out the Taken In Hand site, which I found so much more colorful than Fifty Shades of Grey.”
- Kim

“[Taken In Hand is] a necessary read... Very complex, lots of power shifts, combining respect with [control], and pleasure. [...] The whole shebang. I'm glad I found it.”
- Dutchman

“Taken In Hand... is the name of a website that I discovered less than two years ago and which made a big difference to my life. It made me understand what it was I wanted and helped me to come to terms with my own feelings and gave me the impetus to talk seriously to my husband about our relationship for the first time ever really.”
- Louise C

“[Taken In Hand is] one of the most exciting sites on the internet!”
- Malcolm

“[T]he whole damn site really is one of the most well articulated (pro/con) loaded blogs I've seen. It provides a cross section of how people are feeling out there even amongst those who are “seemingly” natural allies.”
- zbigdogX

“As I view it, I'm a control freak. I love to be in control. However, I fantasize about that control being stripped from me and handed over to someone else....namely, my husband. I'm just glad I found a site that makes me realize I'm not a freak for wanting [a Taken In Hand relationship]”
- GypsyGirl

““[Taken In Hand is] a wonderful website [...] [I]t's about the interpersonal dynamics of loving relationships where the man is the boss. [I]t's assumed that both partners are in it because that's what they want and have chosen. Also, unlike many other “traditional marriage” sites, it's not coming from any sort of biblical perspective. ... Some of the best writing I've seen on these topics, from a variety of authors.”
- Dee

“Taken In Hand is actually a very important site for me and it helped a great deal in realizing how much women in general like to be dominated in their sexual relationship.”
- Athol Kay

“A very cool site”
- The Yeti

“Thank you for providing such a positive, validating place for like-minded people to talk about this in a way that affirms the dignity of both men and women”
- Mary

“fantastic site”
- Danevah

“Taken In Hand is male led but male intimately led. ... I do like the Taken In Hand focus on family and the focus that marriage is between one man and one woman. That is actually very important to me.”
- Frank Nelson

“Innately, women look for men able to take charge and come to despise the man failing to live up to that instinctive expectation.
Over the next several years—as footloose and fancy-free lifestyles become increasingly fraught with dubious outcomes amid turbulent circumstances—finding and maintaining stable relationships will become imperative. Although by no means a perfect solution for all problems, Taken In Hand can solve or reduce many marital difficulties.”
- Noone

“Un site remarquable”
- Camille Meudon

“Visit Taken in Hand for a lot of good thoughts. I think you'll find them useful [...]”
- Katy

“a wonderful site”
- CoHC

“The answer to every single discussion is there. Best piece of text I read ever...And it rings SO true.”
- Revan

“What a wonderful website. ... [S]o much of this I can relate to my life. ... It has been a while since I have read a website that was “different” than most.”
- Carla

“This website is just what I have been looking for for ages—but did not even know it! Have become weary of [other] sites, etc. They never really properly address the psychological components, all the subtleties [...] [A]nyway, thanks so much for existing, I have been telling my friends...hope your website sticks around forever!”
- A Girl From Texas

Taken In Hand

Why do you consider such a wide variety of relationships to be Taken In Hand?

Why do you consider such a wide variety of relationships to be Taken In Hand?

Comments

There is something almost com

I totally agree

Reply to Jeanne

A gracious attitude

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