Why do some women want this kind of relationship?

Why do some women want this kind of relationship?

- Because it turns them on.

- Because being in this kind of relationship with someone who shares this preference is exhilarating, fascinating and fun.

- Because when their husband gets all bossy and firm and makes it clear who's boss, they feel like thrilled and delighted and vibrantly alive.

- Because they know that to make a relationship spectacularly good takes considerable effort, and this effort becomes mysteriously easy and itself a source of joy and excitement when their husband is firmly wearing the trousers in their relationship.

- Because it makes them want to do everything in their power to please their husband and make him feel treated like a king.

- Because it adds an extra dimension to their relationship: for those women who like this kind of thing, it is like the difference between a flat, grainy, faded, grayscale photograph and a super-high-definition movie in brilliant colour.

- Because it is nothing like being platonic roommates.

- Because when it is difficult, it is difficult in a more hardcore, interesting way, and they know that both of them find the relationship so valuable that they will both do whatever is necessary to solve the problems they encounter.

- Because they hate with a passion being in control of a man.

- Because feeling like a man's mother, boss, supervisor or leader does violence to their soul.

- Because it feels right.

- Because being firmly controlled paradoxically makes them feel powerful and free.

- Because it makes them feel more autonomous, more adult and more whole—indeed, it facilitates actual personal and psychological growth in them, including the growth of their psychological autonomy.

- Because it enables them to feel more aware of themselves as female—woman qua woman.

- Because they enjoy the different ways they interact with their husband, including childlike playful silliness, cuddly love, romantic bliss, and hardcore heart-pounding adult intensity.

- Because in a Taken In Hand relationship they are never bored.

- Because sometimes they like to feel protected and looked after and feminine.

- Because when their husband starts calling the shots they develop a mysterious compulsion to obey.

- Because they love the way their husband looks at them, with such passionate desire in his eyes.

- Because this kind of relationship gives them the tools they need to avoid or minimise disconnecting arguments that might otherwise be very damaging.

- Because they find the dance of control fascinating.

- Because they love to see the deep contentment, manly pride, satisfaction and joy on their husband's face.

- Because it somehow makes many seemingly unrelated aspects of life better.

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[This is an answer to a frequently-asked question: this page is part of the FAQ. Please try to ensure that your post is answering the question or discussing the above post. The question is: Why do some women want this kind of relationship?]


Many reasons why.

It has dawned on me lately that a Taken In Hand relationships is a multifaceted ever-growing living thing. The reasons why I chose to be in a Taken In Hand relationship are many. When I state why I want a Taken In Hand relationship, I am always countered with someone else's reason. Then I often think, well I did it for that reason also. No one reason is more important than any other. They all help keep me on the path that I have chosen. I usually find one reason effective in one discussion and pull out another to address another discussion. The thought crossed my mine recently, it would be interesting to try to assemble a list of all the different reasons I have had over the past eleven years. The fact that some of my reasons in the past seem be the opposites of some of my reasons now is my point in wanting to make this list.

In no particular order:

Positive example.
Negative example.
Not wanting to be alone.
Wanting to be with a confident man.
Needing to know my place.
Knowing my place and not needing to be told.
Needing to know my role.
Knowing my role, but needing him to define it.
Needing to know I am loved.
Needing to know I am taken care of.
Because I can take care of myself.
Because I am capable of taking care of others.
In order to take care of him.
Because I like to make myself look good to others.
Because I should not care what others think.
Wanting him to regain his confidence.
To build up his confidence.
To respect his role.
To give him respect as a person.
To be respected.
To be understood.
To be listened to.
To be reminded that I need to listen to him.
To regain my trust in him.
To have him resume responsibility.
To have him trust me.
To have him give me more responsibility.
To seek forgiveness.
To heal the past.
To spice things up.
Because of lost faith.
Because of lost religion.
Because of tradition (again).
Because of values.
Out of respect.
Out of love.
To improve our lives.
To improve our relationship.
To improve our sex lives.
To improve communication.
To improve commitment.
To learn to keep quit.
Because relationship is important.
Because communication is the most important part.
Because love is the most important part.
Because commitment is the most important part.
Because sex is the most important part, for sure.
Because all of these thing make sex better.
Because all of these thing make a relationship better.
Because I want it.
Because he wants it.
Because we want it.
Because it makes me feel taken care of.
Because it makes him feel taken care of.
Because it makes us feel close.
Because it makes us feel loved.
Because it is who we are.

Why? Because I have given it a try and know other ways do not seems to work for us. When we fall out of this dynamic, we fall apart. We always seem to come back to him being the head of the household and that is what works best for us.

PS. I know I repeated myself in a couple of places, but that too is part of my point. Sometimes our feelings fall in one direction or the other and then return to that place again. If you can think of any reason that I did not put in my list. Please, Please add.