Why do some prefer a Taken In Hand relationship to a conventional relationship?

Why do some prefer a Taken In Hand relationship to a conventional relationship?

Because for those of us who like this sort of thing, a Taken In Hand relationship is more fascinating, more fun, and a lot more hot for both spouses.

Because it is not true that a long-term marriage is bound to lose its sexual charge or go stale: Taken In Hand marriages remain highly charged and white hot in the long run, not just for the first three months.

When spouses remain excited by each other, there is more warmth and more good feelings all round. This enables the two to be more intimate and less defensive with each other. They are much more likely to remain happily faithful to each other.

When spouses are in a good state of mind, sexually excited by each other, and intimate and non-defensive, they are more willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt when there is a problem, and they are more likely to be able to solve problems that come up.

When spouses find their relationship and their spouse fascinating and fun, that makes it much easier to get through any tough times that occur in the course of their married life together. Boredom and a lack of interest in the other person can lead to either frustrated dissatisfaction an sadness, marriage-breaking affairs, and divorce. For those who have the Taken In Hand inclination, a Taken In Hand relationship gives the spouses a positive, delightful reason to stay happily and faithfully married rather than relying on the very grim, negative argument that it is your duty to grit your teeth and suffer the horrible burden of being faithfully married whether you like it or not.

When spouses are solving problems together rather than digging in to entrenched defensive positions, they are more forward-looking and can make progress both individually and jointly in a way that is impossible when there is bad feeling, a lack of sexual fulfilment, or when their relationship has lost its vibrancy and become more like a platonic friendship.

When couples are excited and happy, they have more energy than they would otherwise, and they can use this energy to do good things in their lives and more widely. Their happiness warms the hearts of others they meet, because they tend to be smiling rather than flat or sad. A little thing like receiving a genuine and radiant smile from a complete stranger on the street can make a person's day. And that person then in turn tends to be nicer to others, which makes them feel good, which puts them in a better frame of mind to solve their own problems, and so on!

Why do you prefer your Taken In Hand relationship to a conventional one?

See also:
What you need to know about Taken In Hand
Could this kind of relationship be for you?
Power connectivity
Taken In Hand has changed our marriage
Who needs forbidden fruit when you have this?!
The erotic power of the unshackled man
White hot intensity and boundless joy
The sexuality of ‘non-sexual’ dominance

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[This is an answer to a frequently-asked question: this page is part of the FAQ. Please try to ensure that your post is answering the question or discussing the above post. The question is: Why do some prefer a Taken In Hand relationship to a conventional relationship?]


Erotic thrills

Mainly I want a dominant man for the erotic thrills. I'm just not attracted to a man unless he's strong, powerful and dominant, and able to get control over me and dominate me. Being dominated by a strong, masculine man is the only thing that really arouses me. (Well, ok, I guess I'm also aroused by other masculine things—hard muscles, chest hair, a deep sexy voice, and the scent of a man's body. But even all that won't be enough unless he overpowers me, conquers me and dominates me.)

I used to think that I just enjoyed that in the bedroom, but then I realized that romance is bigger than that; it's something that should permeate the whole relationship, not just be confined to the bedroom. When and if I ever find my soul mate, I expect there will be that continual erotic frisson of his dominance and my submission that is always present—sometimes more, sometimes less, but always there.

If it's not there all the time, if it's just something that he turns on and off at the bedroom door, then it doesn't seem as real; it seems like it's just a game. I want it to be real, because that's the only way the romantic attraction can be sustained for me, in the long run.


Because I find it very sexy. Because I'd always fantasised about having a relationship where I would be submissive all the time, not just in the bedroom, and I have found making it reality has meant that I am sexually turned on almost all of the time when my husband is around. It has freed up something inside me, so I feel much happier and more relaxed almost all the time, instead of just in occasional flashes. Even times when I am not feeling relaxed, like when I have PMT, I find my husband can restore the status quo with a little firmness. "Don't get hormonal with me" as he remarks. I suppose just accepting that I am the way I am and not trying to fight it has made me happier.

This is our Conventional Relationship


Good question!

We had the conventional relationship for many years. It was fine and we loved each other but I never enjoyed who I was. With the Taken In Hand relationship I don't have to continue to argue to prove my points, I no longer have to win all of the time.

Today my husband was making a birthday dinner for me. He prepared the entire meal on his own: even our children were not allowed to help this time. I walked into the kitchen and asked him how he was; he was busy but doing well.

I stood there for a minute and he looked at me and said, "Get out of my kitchen!" I thought that I was just standing in his way so I moved to another side of the kitchen. I remained there as he was cutting vegetables and then he quietly told me to leave and that he was exerting his authority. I then moved into the livingroom.

There was a time that I did everything, no matter what. I would try to take care of him so I made all of the meals, etc. When I became ill a couple of months ago he took over everything. He has always taken care of me when I was ill but this time was so different and he still emails me or calls me saying that he will cook dinner when he gets home.

We both work all day and I get home first so I feel that I should cook as he returns home later. I am learning to step back and just receive from him this act of love. There are times when I cook it is just that I can't argue with him anymore if he decides to cook.

Taken In Hand has helped to balance out some things in our relationship. Actually , I am the one who needed to balance out. Or as my children would say "chill out"!

We would not ever go back to the conventional relationship: this is far better for us. Actually when I read the question my first thought was "This is our conventional relationship". It really is.

Peace and passion

It's a lot more peaceful around here since I took the reins—and there's a lot more loving going on. My wife's a real pussycat now where before she was more like a hyena. Guess I was like as bear with a sore head before too.

~2 ME, Taken In Hand IS Conventional!

~ A man is 'The' dominant partner.

-I've never known it 2b any other way.
A woman's role in this is as a subordinate partner who understands:

~ Some strict limits (call em boundries) exist which are never 2B violated.

-As long as she stays within this structure, her ability to make good decisions of/in day2day life is expected.
Follow some basic guidelines, And err to the cautious side. (If any doubt is had whether: I must be consulted b4 making a decision)...
*This is where:
-The 'partner' co-efficient comes in.
Micro-management of the woman ought NOT be needed iow.

-Sometimes (in frivolity/play circumstances);
A bit of spankin could occur.
-Altho the 'potential' of being spanked 'good' cuzz the woman was very 'bad' is always there;

*MY dominance is NOT an item I needing prove, simply "how tizz"
- All-Ways, Always has been (the 'norm') & always will be...

-IMO: much value to "How it is"/Normal, Standard, 'Conventional Life' will be added when more 'connectivity' w/those ISO is added here.

A personal ads section where Taken In Hand peeps can find those potentially good prospects would be good.
~ If that exists here, I haven't found such...
- Enough for ensample purposes... Don't understand how such an addition to this site has possibility of doing anything but Filling a Much Needed Void.
* Win/win IOW.
-Worry about "what if's".?.—Not even a lil bit.!.

~ Tizz RReal(normal) Life folks,—bring it to LIGHT.!. [;-)]

[MODERATOR'S NOTE: Do take a look at the personal ads section on this site.]