I perceive men who can't or won't take charge as unhealthy. In trying to learn how to choose healthier men, I have discovered that if I chase a man, he changes, after initially making rotten moon cheese promises. I no longer feel I have to pursue that misery anymore.
When a woman pursues a man, some men will tell her anything to further their own agenda. It's just too easy for a man being chased to just go with the unbelievable luck of getting what he wants but not having to commit to it or do the work a real relationship requires. When a man pursues, it is much easier for a woman to determine if he is truthful about his intentions, whether he has ulterior motives or whether he actually has the intentions he says he has.
Take-charge men are wired to hunt. If I pursue, I strip a man of that whole dynamic: I've essentially stripped him of his manhood. And I've actually set myself up to be used and dumped. I can determine a man's agenda much better if I leave it to him to do the pursuing or not as he wishes.
Standing still and waiting for a man to act, and letting go if he doesn't is something I've struggled with all my adult life. Even before I became an adult. I truly am a go-getter. But that take-charge trait that is so much a bonus in my professional world, will kill love in my personal life. I have learned, from hard experience, that for me to chase is to doom a potential relationship from the start. Even if a man might benefit from a little encouragement from me to pursue me or take charge, I refuse. I can't ever be sure he's only doing it because I encouraged him to do so. I can never be sure he acted of his own free will.
Part of the universal law of relationships is that there has to be free choice, not falling. Somehow, when a woman chases, falling happens. Somehow when a man chases, there is the necessary free choice. I want to be pursued, and I want my man to take charge on his own. I do not, in any way, want to have to be in control of his choices, ever.
This letting go of the chances of a relationship blooming because I “encouraged” allows me to not get so enmeshed in being alone now, waiting. I do not have to be so emotionally affected because I do not have a man in my life right now. Choice is the key. If every last man in the world is currently choosing not to pursue me, then I am currently choosing to live my life anyway, move on, and be open and ready for the one who will choose when he's ready. And I am confident the right man will come along, as I am focusing on sending out signals that I want only that kind of man. If a man doesn't “get” my signals, he is not for me. The man who notices is the man for me.