I know, I know, it's a dangerous title, and I'll get hatemail. So let me say straight away that on no account do I advocate or in any way condone rape or abuse of any kind. Indeed, I urge all women (and men!) to use whatever force is necessary to defend themselves against would-be rapists, muggers and murderers. The last stranger in the street to be so misguided as to think that I would make a good rape victim probably didn't end up in hospital, but judging from his screams as I incapacitated him, and the way he staggered as he made his escape, he probably regretted having picked me to mess with.
The sort of “rape” that is a gift is the sort given by a man to the woman he loves because she wants it. Many women do.
Many men reading this will be feeling very uneasy. Nothing is guaranteed to bring a man out in a cold sweat faster than raising the subject of rape—except actually asking him to rape you, of course. “Oh, I could never do that!”, a man will say in a tone of alarm. No decent man wants to be a rapist.
But it's not rape and it's not immoral if the woman wants it. Is it?
It's a gift.
I have talked to a number of women about this over the years, and several have spoken of the deep gratitude they feel to the man who trusts and loves them enough to do this. These are dangerous waters, legally, so the man must trust the woman not to run to the police and cry “rape!” He must have the strength to risk making himself vulnerable in this way. He must have faith that she knows what she wants and is willing to take the risk. He must believe in his ability not to misjudge the situation, and in the woman's ability to deal with it well if he does. He must be willing to be profoundly and intensely intimate with the other person. And for some men, contemplating such action forces them to face their own dark and troubling desires—desires they fear make them a monster. All this takes courage, strength, trust, and nerves of steel. Not for the faint-hearted!
And not something to do cavalierly. Extreme caution is advised. If you are not careful, your gift could be the psychological equivalent of a lethal letter bomb. Do not proceed in haste. Be sure to discuss it thoroughly first, to ensure that, as one woman put it, you are on the same page. If she wants more of a set scene at an agreed time but you think she wants you to take her completely by surprise—such as by creeping up on her in the dead of night when she thinks you are on a business trip two continents away—things might not go quite as well as you'd hoped. When in doubt, discuss it explicitly and in great detail first. And assume that the two of you might be mistaken about it all, and be ready to backtrack, make changes, and (if you both desire it) try again.
But enough of all that. How can it possibly be a gift? What might be going through a woman's mind before, during and afterwards? How does she feel?
How she feels beforehand depends upon the individual circumstances, but she may well feel fear—and she may well want to feel fear. Her heart may be thumping, her adrenalin pumping, her mouth dry, her palms sweaty: an exhilarating sort of fear, not the fear of a victim. She may be experiencing the most intense desire to be taken she has ever felt: a desire made only more intense the more strongly she resists and fights.
She may feel the need to fight as hard as she can, while willing you to prevail. When you do, the physical shock may be indescribably exquisitely pleasurable. She may feel as though she has billions of nerve-endings she had never had before. She may have the most intense climax she has ever had. She may scream as you have never heard her scream before. You may notice that her whole body suddenly relaxes, submitting, welcoming, worshipping. The whole experience may leave her feeling absolutely ecstatic, utterly peaceful, deeply submissive, totally yours. Connected. You may see in her eyes deep love, reverence, awe, soft submissiveness, deep gratitude, adoration, and belonging. She may well be moved to tears.
Hold her. Stroke her hair. Kiss her softly. You have taken her. She is yours.
[A note about the comments on this thread: there is a bug in the software, such that the links to later comments do not work. To see the most recent comments on this thread, click on the last page link at the foot of this page, and scroll down.—The Editor]