When a man takes charge, his wife no longer rejects him sexually

When a man takes charge, his wife no longer rejects him sexually

My husband and I have been making a great many changes in our 20-year relationship over the past couple of months, and sexual availability is one of them. I thought I'd report in.

I have to say that so far it's been nothing but positive. I'm so glad to be free of the endless worry over who is trying to say what, and what it means. Where "are you tired?" is a secret message and I have to be careful to correctly decipher its meaning. Is he testing the waters for sex? Do I look drawn and he's just noting it? Is he tired, and wanting to commiserate together? Because if he was checking for interest in sex, and I responded that yes, I'm tired, then suddenly we have another big rejection hanging between us, even if I might have been fine with having it.

Too, I tend to overanalyze everything. So if asked (in whatever manner, verbal or physical) if I want to, I have to go through this huge thought process. Do I? Am I tired? Too full from dinner? What time is it, do I have to get up early in the morning?

Now I don't worry whether he's working up to it and what time is it, or worry if we're going to do it we should get started or we'll be tired tomorrow. If he wants it, he wants it, and he'll say "come here." I don't have to think or worry. It's very relaxing. And let's face it, it doesn't take years to get the thing done. If it's late, he typically isn't wanting something extended. Short and sweet. And I always feel happy and loved and secure and drowsy afterwards. Nice.

One thing I notice, and that delights me no end, is that he's always touching me now. When we're out he's holding my belt loop or stroking my back, at home he's smacking my butt as he passes or pulling me into a big kiss. He's obviously got a feeling of ownership that he hadn't before. His wife. I love that, it simply melts me. And it arouses me. I find that it takes him about 10 seconds to get me fully engaged now, and none of that time is spent discussing or worrying whether I'm tired or whatever, or making passive verbal approaches (because he was trying to be sensitive, and also feared rejection).

As for turning him down because I'm ill or simply too fatigued or crampy and bloaty, it's not an issue so far. I talk pretty much nonstop, and like to report such things as nasty papercuts and slight fevers. So if I've got the slightest thing wrong with me, he knows. He doesn't seek it at those times. I suppose it's possible that the power will go to his head eventually and he'll start demanding it even when I've reported being near to needing hospitalization over a runny nose, but for now it's terrific. I feel more wanted and more adored than ever before. Really, I worry myself. I'm all sweet sighing contentment lately. It's not like me. I'm not even sure it's safe!

Edwina G

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Comments

Exactly How I Feel!!!

Edwina,

It was the same exact way for my fiancé and me. Although our Taken In Hand relationship was a bit rocky in the start it has really blossomed into to something beautiful.

It’s wonderful to not have to worry about sex anymore. When he wants it he wants it and I lie back and he takes it. Sometimes even when I genuinely not in the mood he still takes it and afterwards I’m glad he did.

The way you said he smacks your butt when he walks by and pulls you in for kisses is exactly what my life is like now. I’m so content and just plain old happy all the time. I feel compelled to tell him all the time how wonderful he is and he tells me he loves me when I’m not expecting it.

Our relationship has changed so dramatically from where we were a year ago. I have nothing but TakenInHand to thank for that. We are always noticing other couples and how unhappy and disrespectful they are to one another. It makes us sad for them but happy that we found what works for us.

I’ve noticed that we take a lot more time for the two of us. Instead of spending the whole weekend running around doing chores, visiting friends and family we now spend time together. Making love, sleeping in, making breakfast together, and cuddling on the couch to watch a flick.

We used to fight about housework the most in our relationship. I think it was my fault because I always wanted everything to split down the middle. After reading articles on this site I know now that nothing is ever truly split down the middle. It can’t be and trying to make it so will drive you crazy. So, I’ve stopped expecting him to “do his share” of the chores around the house. I just do what I can in the time I have and I’ve noticed that he always stepping up and helping more then he ever did before. For example, I was scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees the other day and I guess he noticed that my arms were tired and my scrub wasn’t so scrubby anymore and he told me to stop and he’d take over with some fresh arms for a bit. He ended up finishing the whole floor for me while I went and started dinner. It was very helpful.

I mean the list of positive changes is endless. Sex on tap, fewer worries about our finances because he is head of the house, no more emotional outbursts from me because he keeps with his maintenance spankings, more kind words and feelings are shared between us, more hugs and kisses. I could go on and on.

Another thing, we went to a bar last weekend and my fiancé was sitting next to me rubbing my arm and it was just this little gesture that was telling me he wanted me and was going to take me when we got home. I kind of giggled and looked him in the eyes. I kissed him then turned back to the conversation with our friends. One of my girlfriends was watching us and she and my fiancé looked at one another and she blushed, he said. Later on she asked me how he and I have stayed so in love after so many years. She asked how often we have sex and if I still want it like I did when we first met. We got interrupted so I didn’t get to introduce her to Taken In Hand. I wish I had, because she and her husband aren’t doing so well. Her husband has approached my fiancé many times for relationship advice. I think it would benefit them immensely to be introduced to the website. Maybe next time they visit I’ll sit them down in front of the computer and show them the site and just give them private time to glance at it.

Well, that’s all I really wanted to say was that I know how you feel because I feel the same way.

Good luck to you and your husband,

LoveMyPugs

Feel

I really enjoyed Edwina's article and additional comments made. My relationship with my boyfriend is that he is the pants wearing man. Although I like this, I have resisted him verbally and challenged him many times. I sometimes don't know why I am this way and don't know how to stop it. Except, I think he is growing weary of this. I'm not sure how to tell him that I don't mean to or want to challenge him. Your articles give me some type of hope.

Giving advice

I personally would be very embarrassed if anyone asked me a question like this, for one thing I can't imagine ever telling anyone about Taken In Hand in cold blood as it were, and for another thing, although things are better between my husband and I now, they are by no means as idyllic as all that, and we still have words quite frequently. I don't think anyone would ever be under the illusion that we were blissfully happy all the time.

As for sitting someone down and showing them this site, crikey no, I'd expect them to think I was nuts. You could try it I suppose but it would be a bit of a gamble. They might like it, or they might just think you were barmy, who knows?

I think you should make yourself a bit less ostentatiously happy, you don't want to attract too much attention to yourselves. If you can't manage any real disagreements, try having a fake one now and again. It will make your friends feel better to think that you have the occasional spat and aren't in a state of idyllic happiness all the time. Jealousy is not something you want to attract, it's not a healthy emotion.

Louise

Re: Louise's comment on Giving advice

I'm sorry—WHAT? "make yourself a bit less ostentatiously happy"? Louise please tell me you're joking. A truly happy and deeply connected married couple displaying affection appropriately in public should be considered a "good example" rather than "ostentatious".

Telling friends about Taken In Hand

for one thing I can't imagine ever telling anyone about Taken In Hand in cold blood as it were

I'm laughing as I consider this...it took me a couple of years just to work up the nerve to mention it to my husband! The thought of telling a friend...hahaha. "Jane, dear, you and Ralph seem rather tense at times. Have you considered becoming kinky? George and I have, and I must tell you, I'm never tense now. Surely you've noticed my contented sighs and soft simperings? I owe it all to the kink, Jane. I simply insist that you try it."

Really, to me it's very private. I have spoken to girlfriends about changes I've been making, but that's been more along the lines of talking about how I've softened my attitude and worked to become less dominant myself, more open and vulnerable.

Which is true, and which, honestly, are the more significant changes, I think. Things like sex on demand follow from the attitude shift. From putting us back in our more comfortable roles (him dominant, me feminine).

Edwina

Fake Fights - Pretend to not be so happy?

In my opinion that is wrong.

Set an example, good or bad. Each will take from it what they will, without endangering your own personal relationship.

I love to see happy couples. I love to see people pray before a meal. I really enjoy seeing couples who are 20 years or more older than me that are still in love with their spouse. It gives me hope. Encourages me. Sometimes I really need the encouragement. I see couples like Edwina and her husband and I take it as my own personal guide to try and achieve a similar state.

Pretending not to be happy

Well, if people started asking me what the secret of my happiness was (not that anyone is likely to) I would be acutely embarrassed, and my natural reaction would be to be more cautious about appearing too happy in front of other people, because I simply do not want to attract that kind of attention.

I really could not care less whether it is wrong or not, I simply do not want to be an object of curiosity, nor do I want to be asked embarrassing questions.

Louise

Very similar experience

A couple of months ago my husband and I made the decision that he would take me every night for his own pleasure and we'd continue to have sex a few times a week for both of us. I had told him many times that he could have sex whenever he wanted it, but he was too considerate or nervous to demand it.

Knowing it's going to happen every night takes the guesswork out of it for both of us. He was concerned that I would end up frustrated if several nights a week we only had sex for his pleasure. Instead, the opposite has happened. I never would have thought I'd end up feeling more womanly and giving, but I do.

We also tend to feel sexier in general and have mutual sex more often because of this new habit.

He was always physically affectionate, but now he's more so. I see more confidence in him now as far as asserting himself. I expect that over time we'll slack off on the "every night" rule but hopefully having that history and seeing that I actually enjoy making him feel good will help him maintain that confidence.

Thanks for your post. I'm glad to see that others are having similar experiences.

Joking? Me?

Certainly not. I am always totally serious in every comment I make on this site, how could you possibly think otherwise?

I personally would be highly embarrassed if people kept aksing me what the secret of my happiness was etc, I mean what on earth do you say in response to a query like that? There's no way I'd go around talking to people about Taken In Hand. And who asks people questions like that anyway?

I have written before on this site about the fact that there were three couples I used to envy for their apparent closeness and happiness back in the days when things were very ropey between me and my husband. All three couples susequently got divorced, two of them in savagely acrimonious circumstances. One man (our next-door neighbour) used to have an office in the shed at the bottom of the garden. When he was working out there he used to put a sign in the window saying "I love you" so that his wife could read it from the house. He ended up having the house repossesed by the bank, because he was grimly determined that his ex-wife should not get any money from the sale of said house. The woman of one of the other couples threw her husband out into the street and then destroyed ALL his possessions, including a large and valuable collection of books (she'd found out that he was visiting prostitutes).

All this has convinced me that I am rubbish at telling who is happy, and whose marriage is likely to be a lasting one. And even in the days when I assumed these people to be blissfully happy, there is no way I would ever have said to them "what is the secret of your happiness?" or anything like that. Dead embarrassing to ask such a question, or to be asked it.

However, if people did start asking me such questions, my natural inclination would be to be more cautious about showin affection to my husband in public, because I really don't want to be asked embarrassing questions like that.

Louise

I think

I think that I would much rather just deal with the questions that would result from acting like that, then not only coming up with something to yell about, but keeping straight what all of the fake fights were about. I do not think I am that good of an actor anyway.

Acting

I wasn't suggesting putting on a full-scale soap opera, but surely even the most lovey-dovey couple could find SOMETHING to have a little disagreement about, something that would stop people asking embarrassing questions about why they are so happy etc.

Or just tone down the mushy stuff and don't do too much gazing into each other's eyes etc. I mean, fancy having people ask you what the secret of your happiness is, or whatever. i'd want to sink through the floor.

Louise

Sex

I liked the post above about her husband taking her every day. There's nothing wrong with giving in relationships. Far too many seem to want just to take or only go to bed when they both feel like it. Too many women don't realise how important sex is to men either and too many men don't realise not all women want to have to initiate it (I hate to).

Public displays of affection are entirely up to the couple (or if your man is in charge, him). I like that. I love to see couples touching in public but I know some people hate to see it.

Re: Sex

"Too many women don't realise how important sex is to men" and too few seem to care.

"too many men don't realise not all women want to have to initiate it"

Classic male/female sexual response. In the "Old School", men demanded and women submitted or refused. The woman's decision normally determined the success or failure of the relationship. This is well and good as far as it goes. It is as it should be.

But, a new imposition presents itself into the mix, that of "Feminaziism". All of the younger generation has been poisoned by it, and there seems to be no "vaccine" against it. Basically, "Feminaziism" dictates that the woman has dictatorial choice in the relationship, whilst the man has none. If the man fails to agree with the dictates of the "appropriately prescribed" relationship, the female is required to dismiss it into oblivion.

I find this relationship "model" to be offensive to both the man AND the woman. According to THIS "model", neither the man NOR the woman have a choice in the relationship pattern they desire. For some couples, the prescribed pattern is contrary to their desires, but public pressure imposes an impossible duress on their relationship, which will result in one of two possibly avoidable finales.

The first will be that the man can NOT take control due to the Feminazi Influence.

Or, the Feminazi Influence will cause the man to lose desire for the woman and due to this he will simply lose interest and move on.

Mick McCleod

sex is important and he is in control

Since we married I have always let my husband have sex whenever he wants: he is totally in charge, I find this takes the pressure off us as in previous relationships it has sometimes been hard to read each others minds regarding sex and has led to feeling of rejection. I agreed to a DD relationship before marriage as this is something my husband wanted. He explained it to me so I was not completely in the dark when we married, and I find that this works very well for our marriage. Sometimes, even though I don't really want sex initially, by the end of it I have always felt satisfied and loved. I think that when the strong sexual urge of men like my husband gets satisfied rather than going unsatisfied, it leads to a more loving relationship which is more what the I as a woman desire.

um Louise??

You are kidding right? Not attract jealousy? Not attract attention? I am looking at your response and thinking you MUST be expressing sarcasm because in no way would anyone want to HIDE a blissfully happy, growing and successful relationship from their friends or family. My husband LOVESSSSSSSSSSSS that people stare at us and often ask me why I look so incredibly happy and my friends think we are a bit "off" for being so into one another.. I just think I am blessed and lucky as hell. I cannot understand your comments at all..

Maria

To Maria

I have no desire to attract jealousy or attention. And I am not particularly keen on people getting all lovey-dovey with each other in public. I would absolutely hate it if people kept staring at me and asking me embarrasing questions like that. I would feel most uncomfortable.

Ostentatiously affectionate behaviour isn't always a reliable guide to how happy people are anyway. Years ago, when my husband and I were going through a very ropey period, and there was one couple I used to envy because they walked around hand-in-hand all the time and I used to think how sweet they looked, and they got divorced a couple of years later.

Louise

From being over to having a new spark

I kinda have a teensy bit of a headstart, I have been learning about relationships where the man is in charge for four years.

I am pretty new to this site, and so thankful. It put into words what I wanted, and when we started doing it the results were astounding. He wanted me. He touched me, he loved me. He has never done those things before. We have never felt in love until recently. His "ownership" of me is gratifying, and you should have seen the way he looked when I told him I'd like him to take charge of everything, the money, the sex, the rules.

I, like my mom, have fought so hard for so long to finally have control, but since I recently stopped fighting, I have never felt more alive. We have a very unique, talking relationship, I think. I found this site and shared it with him the same day.

I just had to say that yes, I gave up the reins totally and completely, and yes, this euphoric love spell has been the result.

But make no mistake, we still sometimes have a tiff. Bigger lately than before, simply because we are trying to find that ultimate balance of authority and grace and we are human. But my marriage went from being over to having a new spark. Just my long-winded thoughts. LOL