My husband and I have been making a great many changes in our 20-year relationship over the past couple of months, and sexual availability is one of them. I thought I'd report in.
I have to say that so far it's been nothing but positive. I'm so glad to be free of the endless worry over who is trying to say what, and what it means. Where "are you tired?" is a secret message and I have to be careful to correctly decipher its meaning. Is he testing the waters for sex? Do I look drawn and he's just noting it? Is he tired, and wanting to commiserate together? Because if he was checking for interest in sex, and I responded that yes, I'm tired, then suddenly we have another big rejection hanging between us, even if I might have been fine with having it.
Too, I tend to overanalyze everything. So if asked (in whatever manner, verbal or physical) if I want to, I have to go through this huge thought process. Do I? Am I tired? Too full from dinner? What time is it, do I have to get up early in the morning?
Now I don't worry whether he's working up to it and what time is it, or worry if we're going to do it we should get started or we'll be tired tomorrow. If he wants it, he wants it, and he'll say "come here." I don't have to think or worry. It's very relaxing. And let's face it, it doesn't take years to get the thing done. If it's late, he typically isn't wanting something extended. Short and sweet. And I always feel happy and loved and secure and drowsy afterwards. Nice.
One thing I notice, and that delights me no end, is that he's always touching me now. When we're out he's holding my belt loop or stroking my back, at home he's smacking my butt as he passes or pulling me into a big kiss. He's obviously got a feeling of ownership that he hadn't before. His wife. I love that, it simply melts me. And it arouses me. I find that it takes him about 10 seconds to get me fully engaged now, and none of that time is spent discussing or worrying whether I'm tired or whatever, or making passive verbal approaches (because he was trying to be sensitive, and also feared rejection).
As for turning him down because I'm ill or simply too fatigued or crampy and bloaty, it's not an issue so far. I talk pretty much nonstop, and like to report such things as nasty papercuts and slight fevers. So if I've got the slightest thing wrong with me, he knows. He doesn't seek it at those times. I suppose it's possible that the power will go to his head eventually and he'll start demanding it even when I've reported being near to needing hospitalization over a runny nose, but for now it's terrific. I feel more wanted and more adored than ever before. Really, I worry myself. I'm all sweet sighing contentment lately. It's not like me. I'm not even sure it's safe!