What is Taken In Hand all about? What are its background assumptions and premises?
As you may have read elsewhere on the site, a Taken In Hand relationship is a wholehearted sexually exclusive marriage in which, to the delight of both spouses, the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the husband retains control vary from Taken In Hand couple to Taken In Hand couple, but in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to have the upper hand. No matter how strong, tough and forceful a Taken In Hand wife may be, and no matter how hard she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand. Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the husband may be, he prefers to keep his wife firmly in hand.
Given that the focus here is on relationships in which the man has the balance of power and control, is this site advocating a return to times past in which many women had no choice? Is it about lifeless, stereotypical relationships?
No, it is actually about feeling free to engage in the kind of relationship that suits you, the individual. I'd like to see a future free from prescriptions and proscriptions about the sort of relationships deemed acceptable. Not everyone would want to be in a Taken In Hand relationship, but this site is a supportive forum for those who do.
You may not like this site. You may have very different preferences. If so, do not view us as enemies, merely as individuals with our own preferences. This site is geared to my own preferences as its owner, so it won't please everyone. But it is in no way a criticism or attack on different preferences. To each his own.
That said, let me explain how I see Taken In Hand.
A good relationship is a harmonious one. It is one in which the spouses can talk to each other and feel accepted. It is one in which problems are solved and there is a lot of love and kindness and joy. It is one in which the spouses feel appreciated and cared for. It is one in which the spouses feel happy and vibrantly alive as opposed to flat and bored. It is a connected, deeply engaged, intimate relationship, as opposed to a disconnected, distant relationship lacking intimacy. It is one that is dynamic and evolving, as opposed to static and stereotypical. It is one in which important needs are met. It is one that facilitates improvement at the individual level, at the level of the relationship, and more widely.
I strongly believe that for a marriage to be good in the sense I have just described, a good sexual connection is essential. When the sexual connection goes awry, a marriage is in danger. When people feel sexually unfulfilled and bored with each other, they feel flat and lack energy, or they get their excitement elsewhere. When everything is going well in the sexual relationship, it makes people feel happy and alive. It makes them feel good about the other person. It dramatically increases the amount of positive feeling in the relationship. So for me, Taken In Hand is at least partly about creating the sort of relationships that instead of sliding into stale, sexless, platonic friendships (if they are friendly at all!), stay vibrant, exciting, passionate, and white hot in the long term.
There is no recipe for how to create an exciting long-term sexual connection, and what will work for one couple will not work for another. What will work for one couple at one time may not work for the same couple a year later. Individuals have different preferences, and their preferences evolve and change over time. How you relate best with one person may not be the same as how you relate best with another. But if you don't have a sexual connection, what you have is a platonic friendship, and that is not enough for a good marriage.
On Taken In Hand, we are, amongst other things, exploring the power of consensual control, dominance, and ‘coercion’ to foster an exciting sexual connection. This may not be your cup of tea. Or you may enjoy some aspects of this exploration but not others. If you think of yourself as submissive or obedient, you might dislike articles like this one, this one or this one. If you have come to Taken In Hand expecting to find a site focusing on spanking or domestic discipline (DD), you might hate articles like this one, this one or this one. If the way you maintain a good sexual connection in your relationship is through an on-going fun, exciting “battle”, or your ideal woman is the Amazon warrior type, you might have zero interest in articles about soft, submissive, surrendered women, and the gentle men who love them. And conversely, if you are here because you like the “surrendered wife” idea, you may well dislike articles like this one, this one, this one or this one. Just think of this site as an evolving exploratory entity and if there is anything that makes you want to stick your head down the lavatory or have me locked up, just ignore it.
Taken In Hand is about having the courage to be the person you really are, refusing to be cowed into being someone you're not—whether you are a tameable shrew, a civilised gentleman, a woman of valour, a man who yearns for a woman who is as strong as he is, or a hardcore high-intensity lover. It is about taking joy in being able to choose freely the kind of relationship you want. It's about love and intimacy and passion and excitement. And the occasional bit of force—for those of us who like that sort of thing.
[Be sure to read the next article on the Taken In Hand tour, How to read this site.]