What the woman gets out of it

I am J, the woman lucky enough to be loved by Random, and as Random has received criticism on another forum, I wanted to say what I myself get out of our relationship.

First, be aware that it was I myself who asked Random to take me in hand. He is such a kind, considerate man that from what I know of him, his previous relationships have not involved this to any great degree, because his attitude is always to do whatever it takes to make the woman he is with happy. Well I knew what I wanted, and I told him, and he listened and we talked and talked, and we found that this was not just something he could give me but something he loves as much as I do.

I'll never forget the first time he took me in hand physically. We were in a car park, and I had made an adverse comment about myself. The smile on his face changed to a look of concern and loving dominance, and he ordered me to turn around so he could spank me.

That was the moment I knew he wasn't just doing all this for me. That was the moment I realised that he gets it, that he's wired for dominance. I felt such pleasure I can't even describe it. I felt high, flying, wrapped in protective love, cared for. I felt a sense of deep gratitude, not because I have a spanking fetish (to be honest, I'm not that interested in the spanking aspect of being taken in hand) but because he cared about me putting myself down, and because he gave me the gift of his dominant love which feels so good.

Other couples have love and caring too, and express it in other ways, but this is the way I personally prefer. When Random expresses his love in non-BDSM dominant ways, it makes me feel excited, loved, protected, and submissive. I hate to admit that I love to feel submissive, because I'm not the submissive type, but I do have to admit that I love dominance because of the way it makes me feel—as though I'm floating on air, safe in his care, and well, I'm sexually wired to be excited by it.

There seems to be a big misconception that Random just likes to get his own way and not consider my desires. This is so untrue! I've never met a more considerate man. I've had a couple of very nice boyfriends but I've never met a man more caring and willing to listen than Random. Sometimes I feel moved to tears by how kind he is. This is no selfish man who feels free to walk all over me, this is a man with the kindest heart on earth, a man with the strength and love not to be diminished by pleasing those he loves.

What do I get out of it? The deepest love I've ever known, a heightened sense of pleasure and happiness in my life, a feeling of erotic excitement a lot more of the time than I'd have with a non-dominant man, and a level of intimacy that makes other relationships pale into nothing. I can tell Random my deepest secrets, fears, problems, and all the good and positive things too, and he listens and helps. He's my rock, my support, my lover, my soulmate.

Random said that this relationship makes him feel free. It makes me too feel free—free as a bird, flying, gliding on warmth, enjoying the sunshine. It's like waking up and going out into the warm sunshine and smelling clean country air after spending time in a cold dark musty building. I've never felt more loved or more free than I do with Random.

For posters to say I must be sublimating my desires and building up resentment towards him is all wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is what I've always wanted! Finally, I've got what I always wanted. It doesn't get any better than this. This is my fairytale dream come true. If you think being taken in hand means the man gets what he wants and the woman gets walked on, you just don't get it. Believe me, I couldn't be happier!


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Oh no...

J & Random, I'm the one who started that thread on About.com. I took offense at how About.com officially defines Domestic Discipline and I charged over to that site in an attempt to get the so-called "experts" to change the wording in their ignorant and negative labeling of our lifestyles.

I'm so sorry if this has caused you two ANY distress whatsoever.

When I mentioned Taken In Hand and Random's piece in particular, among other pieces on Taken In Hand that I admire, it's because I hold this site, and Random, and the other participants here in very high regard.

I remember one person had commented critically and had completely missed the point of what Random wrote and I argued with that person once. But I have no idea who else, if anyone, or even if that poster has commented badly since, because I quit that forum after the so-called "expert" Sheri or whatever her name is posted a rather short curt refusal to my polite request to reconsider what she had written.

I could see at that point it was simply a lost cause, so to save myself any further turmoil and effort, I left and I will not go back to see what else has been said.

I do not like that site. I accidentally came upon another article from About.com recently about a physical ailment I was researching for a friend and before I even knew it was About.com, I was reading in outrage at what was being said by their so-called medical "expert". It was a very negative and scary piece. Not only that, it did not match *any* of the other informational medical websites I went to. Hence, I currently have zero respect for anything listed on About.com.

Again, I'm sorry you two have become inadvertently involved. I had no business using something Random wrote to support my position without getting his permission first.

I sincerely apologize for any hurt you or Random have gone through because of my mistake.

Amber, who just about hates About.com at this point

To Amber

Amber, I'm sure Random will want to speak for himself, but I'd just like to reassure you that neither he nor I were at all upset by the discussion, and you have *absolutely nothing* to apologise for. I found the discussion interesting and I was very impressed by your posts. The reason why I decided to write the post about what I get out of it was that it seemed as though some readers had no idea and I sometimes want to tell the whole world how lucky I am. Please don't worry! We both think you're great!


Absolute agreement

Hi Amber—absolutely agree with J—I just have not had a chance to get to a computer till now. You are in *no way* to blame for the attitudes of the people posting on those boards. I was responding to posts by other people, never those of yours.

I was surprised to see J posting here, as she is often a silent member, but she was a little irate that the people on the boards you were referring to seemed to be either extremely ignorant or purposefully misunderstanding the role that J has in our relationship. Mind you, the above post from J reminds me of *just* how lucky I am—I have to be careful, or this could turn into a mutual congratulation society between myself and J, and the boss P might tell us to take it off line ;-)

Amber—take care, and never worry about anything you have said.


Hi J

Hi, It's great to get your point of view as well as Random's.

OMG J...What the woman gets out of it

Thank you J for your post and also thank you Random for yours. Both of your stories touched me....yours even more so J as we are both women :) Your description is why my soul has longed for...and you just articulated what I was never able to explain about me.

God Bless you, Random, and all of us Taken In Handers!