What's in it for the man? Freedom!

In the modern Western world, many men feel shackled and blocked by society's dictates and the double standards they have to adhere to where women are concerned. In your average relationship in which all decisions must be mutual, the man's freedom is limited: he can't express his natural assertiveness and dominance without attracting his partner's ire. Men in ordinary modern relationships constantly come up against limits, boundaries, and constraints. The kind of relationship discussed on Taken In Hand sweeps all that away, freeing the man to act as he sees fit.

Being in this kind of relationship makes me feel free. Because my decisions go, I have the power to direct events, something I find liberating. I believe that most men who live in the modern world in a ‘normal’ relationship would find this freeing. Going from ordinary relationships to a relationship in which you are the head of the household and your partner is submissive to you is the most incredibly liberating, freeing experience a man can have. It makes me feel King of the World.

Being able to express my assertiveness instead of keeping it firmly in check in accordance with modern women's demands makes me feel fully alive and free for the first time, as though I have arrived as a real man – powerful, effective in the world, and a success.

When you have the freedom to make all the decisions affecting your life, you feel free to pursue your goals, you feel effective, you feel that nobody is holding you back, stopping you get where you want to be.

With all the above said, what remains is perhaps the finest part of all – you feel appreciated and loved by the woman. You feel accepted and in control. Lady readers: don't underestimate the importance of making a man feel accepted and appreciated. If you want your partner to change, you're not accepting him for what he is. When my girlfriend J looked me in the eye and agreed to obey my decisions, I felt ten feet tall. I felt deeply peaceful, with something of a high. For the first time in my life, someone was accepting and appreciating me for the man that I am, for being a man, giving me the freedom to make the decisions I want to make.

That J trusts me with this level of decision-making makes me feel fantastic. I feel a sense of gratitude for this level of trust. Other men are shackled and constrained by their partners' demands; I am truly free. I have a woman whose trust in me and belief in me is absolute. I have a woman who loves me enough to have set me free.

What more could any man ask for?

Random

Taken In Hand Tour start | next

Have you seen the following articles?
Impregnation
Taking her in hand is not a contact sport
Asserting dominance physically forcefully
What Taken In Hand has done for our marriage
Why Taken In Hand isn't actually unfair
Is he driving you mad?
To be taken
Why do some prefer a Taken In Hand relationship to a conventional relationship?
Don't forget your whip
The erotic power of the unshackled man

2004 Jan 10 - 11:17 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

And for the female giving up ...

And for the female giving up those decisions is equally freeing.

by Anna Grace on 2004 Jan 10 - 21:01 | login or register to post comments

How true!

Random,

Wonderful article! My husband Dan has expressed many times how much more assertive and in command he feels in all areas of his life since I completely surrendered control of our relationship over to him three months ago. What my husband and I call Domestic Discipline in a literal sense.

Domestic as in "harmonious home" and Discipline (which derives from the Latin word: "disciplina", which means teaching, learning),

which we call "wise correction".

What this site calls "Taken In Hand".

As Anna says, this has all been incredibly freeing for me as well. Instead of stopping and wondering whether what I'm about to do will cause some kind of argument or problem between us, I just go right ahead and do it. Dan will let me know if it's something he'd rather I shouldn't have done and I can correct the behavior accordingly. Unless I persist in doing it again, there are no repercussions and no need to worry.

Best of all, there are no more issues between us. Ever.

I no longer have to fear arguments, misunderstandings, or control battles any more. We are in agreement and it's incredibly freeing for me, as well as Dan.

by Amber on 2004 Jan 10 - 22:33 | login or register to post comments

Men feeling Free

Of course, if women make men feel trapped, then they should just remain bachelors. That way, they won't have to worry about what women think.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Jan 8 - 23:37 | login or register to post comments

Remaining bachelors

Oh yes, I agree with that! If being married makes you feel trapped, why do it at all? If you want to have your own way all the time stay single and enjoy yourself!

by Louise C on 2005 Jan 9 - 05:47 | login or register to post comments

This, of is just what is happ

This, of is just what is happening in the west. The result is a generation of fatherless children that are 13 times more likely to go to prison and 7 times more likely to kill themselves than those with fathers.

Great solution...

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Mar 20 - 19:36 | login or register to post comments

This is certainly true, but i

This is certainly true, but if you are always single, there is no difficulty there. Just because a man decides to stay single doesn't mean he has fathered children.

I wouldn't want a man who felt "trapped" by me. I tend to be a rather needy and clingy person. Fortunately my boyfriend likes to be needed, and generally doesn't mind my clinginess. I am certainly the type of person who could make a man feel trapped in that "can't I get two inches of personal space EVER!" way. I would be devestated if he were to decide he felt trapped or didn't want me around.

I hope my boyfriend feels the way Random describes. I'd like to know that he can feel free even with me being a bit smothering.

by cj on 2005 Mar 21 - 00:48 | login or register to post comments

Dissapointed to know that such people exist...

THERE IS NOTHING CONCERNING FREEDOM FOR A WOMAN IF SHE IS NOT AFRAID TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS AND LIVE HER LIFE AT THE FULL SPEED!!!!!!

Hmmm...what can i say about the author...if i would know that this is a letter from a man living in Afganistan all his life and not knowing how it is to live in a world free from religion and stereotypes...then maybe i would feel pity, but i would understand "why". Now i do not. I see the letter from the weak man who still cannot accept that the women are as free as men are. Both men and women are entitled to built carriers, raise children and live free! Man are not blokked by society, just the role of man is changed and it of course takes courage to find a new role, find a balance and accept that your woman has the same freedom to make decisions as you. Yes, of course it is difficult to admit that your woman is equal in decisionmaking, and it is more diffult to find a compromiss sometimes...but isnt your woman worth it?
Feeling free, feeling that she always can prevent from happening something if she doesnt like,
Actually i do not believe that you really can love a person if you are trying to be dominant in the relationships or feel that you have more rights than your partner.
I hope that by this moment your woman already found a good man who appreciates her way of thinking and discuss all the decisions with her.
Good luck in changing yourself nevertheless!

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Aug 2 - 13:11 | login or register to post comments

I didn't think trolls were al

I didn't think trolls were allowed to post here. I'm not even talking about the message. I don't mind disagreement, but "Good luck in changing yourself nevertheless"? The intended audience of this site is, in my understanding, those who crave male dominated relationships. I know Random certainly doesn't need me to jump to his defense, but I hate to see anyone personally attacked for expressing a view, even if it is just on a website. In my mind, what this "reader" did was attack, and they did it in the most cowardly way, not even bothering to register first to allow for a proper retort.

Sometimes "readers" should stay just that.

by cj on 2005 Aug 3 - 02:58 | login or register to post comments

Perspectives can change

This is a website that anyone can read, and anyone can comment on. You do not have to agree with everything you read on here in order to comment. When I first discovered this site I was not seriously considering a male dominated relationship, because I thought I only wanted sexual domination. I reacted in a very hostile manner to much that I read on here initially: it took me a while to admit that I was strongly attracted by a lot of it.

Perhaps this person was just unlucky in lighting first on something that got their back up. Personally, although Random writes charmingly about his own happiness, I am turned off by that 'most men would want this' stuff, and although this wasn't one of the first articles I read on this site, if it had been I might have reacted similarly. The notion that, because a particular kind of relationship works for you, it must be the kind that everyone else would choose if only they could, is not one that I find appealing.

by Louise C on 2005 Aug 4 - 19:52 | login or register to post comments

decisions affecting your life

You say in your post:

"When you have the freedom to make all the decisions affecting your life, you feel free to pursue your goals, you feel effective, you feel that nobody is holding you back, stopping you get where you want to be."

I find it interesting that you seem to imply that YOUR LIFE is the only one that is affected. What about the woman's life, or do you feel that hers is worth considering?

Just a thought.

sylvie

by sylviekell on 2005 Aug 22 - 02:52 | login or register to post comments

happening

I would imagine that if a man decides to remain a bachelor, he would not father children. In fact, he should not.

sylvie

by sylviekell on 2005 Aug 22 - 03:15 | login or register to post comments

Very helpful

This article really helped me see what may be going on inside my man's mind because he has expressed pretty much everything that was expressed by Random in this article.

I do, however, have one concern. He does indeed have the freedom to pursue his goals, as do I, but I sometimes feel as though he places his job as a priority over me simply because he knows that I am not going anywhere.

by Little Teapot on 2005 Sep 14 - 09:32 | login or register to post comments

Thanks for sharing.

I like what Random had to say... and although I think he forgot to mention if this has been freeing or not for his partner, I imagine it does, as he did mention "That J trusts me with this level of decision-making makes me feel fantastic." And of course for me I don't think society has blocked me, but I need to know I am in charge with my partner, especialy someone who is freed by having someone else in charge. of course I still take into acount their needs and feelings, but for me it works best if one person has the final say.

I too don't mind to hearing dissenting opinons.

Ian Elias

by Incharge on 2006 Jan 5 - 22:47 | login or register to post comments

Weaponry Designed To End A Relationship

--) I wouldn't want a man who felt "trapped" by me. I tend to be a rather needy and clingy person. (--

HMPH!!! "Trapped". "Needy". "Clingy". I hate those terms. They are terms used as weapons by the colder of the two parties in the relationship. I have had those arrows fired at me in time past and bent over backwards to try to "mend the error of my ways" to balance things out. It never worked. It never will. When these terms are used in reference to a relationship that means both parties are incompatible and the relationship should end.

Mike Starre

by StarreGazer on 2008 Sep 4 - 21:25 | login or register to post comments

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