What happens when he makes a mistake?

In my house, where Gary is head of the household (head of the household), he wants and expects me to tell him when he has disappointed me, or when I feel he has made an error in judgement. I am not that great on criticism, and I always come from this apologetic place. But Gary sees right through this, and understands what I am trying to say. He encourages me to be angry with him, and let him know when he has messed up. But he also understands my background, and I've never had a safe place anywhere in my life where I could be angry or show my disappointment.

The other night, he spanked me. It was a great spanking and he used the crop. It hurt, but it was very intimate and very connecting. One of our little rituals is when a spanking is over, Gary makes me stand and watch him put the implements away in their place. This time he has me hold the crop. He goes and stands inside my closet and asks me to “give it to him”. He knew I wanted to throw it at him. That cropping hurt! So I did! He was so happy. He also said it was feeble and the crop landed at his feet instead of making its mark on him.

But I am also comfortable telling Gary when I feel he isn't seeing the obvious, or is too heavy handed in the way he deals with something, or is hurting my feelings. He is always open to my thoughts and insights. He retracks immediately and will do what is neccessary to make things right.

We do not use two way spanking, but we communicate freely. Being submissive is not a dehumanizing act. It's not about accepting everything he gives. It's still about two people who love deeply and want the end result to have wonderful and positive feelings from our expressions to each other.



When my hubby makes a mistake...

When my hubby makes a mistake, he has a great way to deal with it. He takes me out to dinner at the best restaurant in town, then he gives me a full body massage followed by ... I'll leave that to your imagination!!! It never fails!!! When it's not convenient to do that, he whispers in my ear that we have a date on ---day. Works for me.


S certainly does make mistakes and he apologizes when he does, but allowing me to spank/whip him—that would NEVER happen.

To give you an example, once—a long time ago—during a very heated argument, I raised my hand to slap him in the face. He got my hand before it hit him and held it tightly while asking me what the h~~~ I thought I was doing. Still angry, I told him that I was so mad that I wanted to slap the SH~T out of him. He quickly and calmly took me to our bedroom, closed the door, and physically took me in hand harder than he had ever done before (or since, for that matter). His point was that I was never to hit him and that trying to do so would leave me unable to sit comfortably for quite some time. When the spanking was over, I asked him why it was so severe, and he responded, "I wanted to make sure I spanked the sh~t out of you so we don't have to go there anymore".

Needless to say, we have not gone 'there' anymore. Not that I don't get disciplined, but I've never had a spanking as severe as I did that day. And I never raised a hand to S again.

Hitting And Being Hit

"I wanted to make sure I spanked the sh~t out of you so we don't have
to go there anymore".

Hmm, he seems to have much more tolerance than I have. I once was in a
relationship in which the woman tried to slap my face over some
trivial thing I can't even remember. I blocked her attempt and then
told her to pack up and get out, what we had is hereby ended.

Mike Starre


Well, you don't seem to have much staying power when it comes to relationship. Your idea seems to be to throw the towel in the minute anything goes wrong.

And if your attitude is to throw a woman out the minute she shows even a flicker of spirit, how can you ever hope to have a Taken In Hand relationship? A Taken In Hand man is supposed to be able to deal with a woman who gets above herself. You should take her in hand, not throw her out.


A Slap In The Face vs Tolerance

You should take her in hand, not throw her out.

I have a very LOW tolerance for being slapped in the face. I can deal
quite well with most problems, but being slapped in the face is NOT
one of them. When a woman slaps me in the face, my perception is that
she has no love or respect for me and I respond accordingly. My
response is automatic and permanent, and I have no desire to change

Mike Starre


When me and my woman are in a fight, if she is so angry that she needs to hit me, I let her do it. Im not scared of her or her anger. I can handle it. Because, if we are to get thru whatever it is that's going on, I really dont want to waste time about why she thinks she can hit me and blah blah blah. Im not an untouchable face. When we're angry, we're still together. She may touch me. Its not like shes trying to drive a knife into my gut, she just needs to get this anger out. And better get it all out now, rather than let it draw out for days and days and grudgeforming. Im masculine, straightforward in my intention, and I dont feel that I need to shield myself from her.


We are not all perfect. I find, though, that if my husband makes a mistake of similar type more then a few times, I get very impatient and begin to feel that I am in charge. That he needs to live up to me. It makes me want to pull back and challenge him to do better. It tends to go against the grain of letting him be in charge, but I'm not sure how to overcome this.