In my house, where Gary is head of the household (head of the household), he wants and expects me to tell him when he has disappointed me, or when I feel he has made an error in judgement. I am not that great on criticism, and I always come from this apologetic place. But Gary sees right through this, and understands what I am trying to say. He encourages me to be angry with him, and let him know when he has messed up. But he also understands my background, and I've never had a safe place anywhere in my life where I could be angry or show my disappointment.
The other night, he spanked me. It was a great spanking and he used the crop. It hurt, but it was very intimate and very connecting. One of our little rituals is when a spanking is over, Gary makes me stand and watch him put the implements away in their place. This time he has me hold the crop. He goes and stands inside my closet and asks me to “give it to him”. He knew I wanted to throw it at him. That cropping hurt! So I did! He was so happy. He also said it was feeble and the crop landed at his feet instead of making its mark on him.
But I am also comfortable telling Gary when I feel he isn't seeing the obvious, or is too heavy handed in the way he deals with something, or is hurting my feelings. He is always open to my thoughts and insights. He retracks immediately and will do what is neccessary to make things right.
We do not use two way spanking, but we communicate freely. Being submissive is not a dehumanizing act. It's not about accepting everything he gives. It's still about two people who love deeply and want the end result to have wonderful and positive feelings from our expressions to each other.