I have previously written about the feeling of freedom that a Taken In Hand style relationship gives me, and I have also explained that I prefer strong but very feminine women. But there is so much more I get out of it than just these things!
First, there is self respect. I get a strong feeling that I am doing something worthwhile. I have been brought up to believe that looking after, protecting, and supporting a woman is the role of a man, and when I am dominant, I think I am living up to that ideal, I feel as a man should feel. I have an image of what a man should be, and when I am in charge in the right way (kindly and considerately, needless to say),
I am that man, and that feels good.
I feel very protective towards my girlfriend, J. I know I can't protect her from everything in this world, but when something painful happens to her, I feel as though I have failed. When I succeed in protecting her, I feel validated almost, powerful and vindicated.
As I have said before, this relationship makes me feel free. I am in charge, J knows I am in charge, and I can do what I want. But at the same time, I have a responsibility to look after her and to make decisions for her and to nurture the relationship. The fact that she has chosen to be with me puts voluntary constraints around that freedom of choice. For example, I could spank J any time I want to. On occasion, that can be fun, but I often choose not to do that because of what I want and what J wants.
Next, there's the erotic benefit. Being in this kind of relationship is hot as hell. One of the first things J said to me once we got together was that she wants me to feel I can take her whenever I want without exception. When she said this, the sheer eroticism of it sent a shiver down my spine. Here was a strong, successful woman who loves and trusts me so much that she wants to be completely available to me sexually. When I'm in bed with J, knowing that if I wanted to take her that night, she would have “no choice” but to accept, and that I could do anything I wanted to, I feel hugely powerful.
Knowing that J is available to me at any time of the day or night, in any situation, at any time, is very erotic for me. I don't actually have to go around taking her in all situations, and I don't. I exercise (some!) restraint. Just knowing that I can, and that she accepts that and wants to give me that level of availability and trust turns me on and makes me feel good and reinforces my ego and feeling of power. When I feel powerful, J herself finds that erotic, and it makes her feel submissive, and that turns me on even more.
I have said that I derive exquisite pleasure from J's childlikeness because it is an expression of vulnerability and trust in me. When J looks at me with her innocent little girl look, I am instantly turned on and instantly want to take her over my knee. It is fun and arousing to have a woman who is not always a grown-up adult being serious and mature. So J's childlikeness and playfulness brings a lot of light-hearted fun into our relationship and my life.
Trust is the next benefit on my list. That J has total trust in me means so much to me. She knows that if I give my word, I will keep it. She knows that I can be trusted with blanket consent. The degree of trust she has, in placing herself in my hands (literally!) makes me feel ten feet tall. Someone has absolute faith in me. It makes me feel high, in fact. When I told J it makes me feel ten feet tall, she said, “You are!” I replied, “Only with you. Normally I'm 6'3".”
Trust is the bedrock of our relationship, but there is also mutual respect. I respect J and what she wants, and she respects my needs too, and accepts that I make the decisions for both of us. It is a meeting of equals but with different roles. I never overrule J without first listening to her perspective, but if I feel that we would benefit from a decision other than the one she wants, I will (and have) made a decision that she did not agree with. I am always very careful in this area—if J ever felt that I took her for granted, that would seriously harm our relationship. But to anyone reading this who concludes that I must be a monster, please note that it was J who asked for a Taken In Hand style relationship. This is what she herself wants. So in a sense, I am not really going against her wishes at all. It is entirely consensual non-consent.
There is a serious ego boost for me in this relationship. It is incredibly flattering to have a woman trust me enough to place herself in my hands. When she rolls over or demurely bats her eyelids, playfully accepting that I am in charge and submitting to my control, my ego expands considerably. I have this feeling that I have something so valuable, so special. I have a woman, a real woman, who wants me, and who submits to me and to nobody else. If anyone else wants to touch her, look at her, harm her, they have to come through me first.
I feel as though J belongs to me, that in a sense I own her, that she is mine. This feeling of ownership or possession (it goes hand-in-hand with the feeling of power and authority and control, etc.) is very erotic. Of course I don't actually think I own J—I have the deepest respect for her, and I don't want a slave! What I am talking about is an emotional feeling rather than a role-playing master-slave game. I in turn belong to J: it goes both ways.
That J has given herself to me completely, given me blanket consent to make the decisions, and that she submits to me and me alone, makes me feel that I have something no one else does. It feels so good. Taking J to a restaurant, letting others see J, and knowing that they are jealous and can't come anywhere near her, that she belongs to me and me alone, makes me feel like a winner—the only winner that matters.
I have a huge feeling of success. This is part of the competitiveness of being a man. (Am I giving away too many male secrets here? I'm trying to be very frank.) We men feel competitive, and having J makes me feel like the ultimate winner. It is probably something to do with the testosterone poisoning. ;-) This relationship feels like a whole new level of success, because of the enormous trust J has, and the lack of constraints she places on me. This is such a change from previous relationships, which while good in many ways, never gave me the feeling of freedom to act and this intense feeling of success I get in this relationship with J. My previous relationships were not Taken In Hand ones.
I hope this answers the questions female readers have about what the man gets out of this kind of relationship. Now it's your turn, ladies. What do you get out of it?