Two young women were debating the other day over whether or not they should’ve waited until they were married to have sex (yeah, my ears perked up for that one...):
“If you must know, my husband and I were both virgins when we married, I was 20 and he was 26, almost 27. Now I'll be 33 next week and he'll be 40 in October and we're still married. And neither of us has cheated, either. And no, I do not feel like I'm missing out on anything.”
At hearing this, another lady, single, piped in with “Whatever. Personally, I'd prefer someone who was confident in themselves and whose life I could share in and vice versa, without insecurity, D/s roles, and fundie stereotypes coming into play... I prefer not to be terminally barefoot and pregnant and chained to the stove.“
I was shocked by the level of antagonism in the second one’s statement. What's wrong with monogamy? When did self control and commitment become a bad thing? Should I consider myself cursed if I were to marry a woman who thought that it was one of her primary purposes in life to please me? And by reciprocation, I should only please her? To save and keep sacred that which holds the purpose of creating life to be between yourself and your spouse, is that a bad thing? I think it is beautiful. Even a cynical, divorced jerk like me finds that level of commitment commendable.
Two people can have a lifelong loving relationship without the “husband—king and master—wife—servant and babymaker” mentality. I've seen it—I know it exists. Sometimes it is a bit depressing when I see a good couple because I would love to have had a marriage like that. But so many unmarried women these days think if they engage in a “give and take” relationship with a man that somehow they're being a doormat and not being respected. Somewhere they have been taught that if a man has needs, or even demands, he doesn't appreciate them. In other words, from the time they were 12-14 years old, the boys were always being nice and trying to curry favor with the ladies. Courtship and dating is one thing; a committed relationship is entirely another.
Most of those women will go from relationship to relationship to relationship... and maybe a marriage or two and end their days angry and bitter and lonely. This too I have seen. Does the name Maureen Dowd ring a bell?