I was asked: “Do you think that the woman should be obedient at all times, in the sense that, aside from playful disobedience, she obeys without question come what may?” If we assume that in the relationship the man is in charge, is dominant etc. and the woman is submissive etc. then this would only make sense if the man always knew better than the woman, and if there was never a good reason for the woman to act independently or in ways which were contrary to what her man wanted at the time.
Since men are never this all-knowing, and women are never this clueless and useless on their own, this is a simplistic situation—a cartoon cardboard cut-out of how a relationship should be. It is clear that this holds many attractions for some people—the drama and simplicity of complete domination etc. I have just been reading the profiles of a bunch of kinky Melbourne women—and some of them are very explicit and demanding in wanting a man to take complete and detailed charge of them.
I think that for all but the most extreme individuals, this is not what they actually want, day-to-day, in their best, sanest, mind. Nonetheless there's a great thrill in thinking about something like this—being totally dominated, totally protected, totally controlled, totally used etc. Likewise there's a thrill for some man in thinking about this.
I think most people want more in their life than domination and submission. But there are some people, women and men, who seem to seriously seek out lives of complete submission and servitude. I think they are very lucky to find someone who is wise and strong enough to provide them with everything they need, financially and emotionally. A person who can do this must be fully functioning in many ways—and I think only a subset of such healthy people would want to live a life as the sole keeper, supporter and dominant of a dependent person. Either the dependent person has nothing else going for them—so why would the dominant bother, except for selfish or pet-keeping-like reasons—or the submissive has all sorts of strengths and qualities—in which case why would a healthy, wise, dominant go along with them not engaging properly with the world?
It simply feels good for many people who are females or thinking and feeling in a feminine way to be protected, led, disciplined etc. Likewise it feels good for the man—or a person who is thinking and feeling in ways which are typically masculine—to protect, lead and perhaps punish his woman.
I think the wisest position—one which is adopted by couples who I think have really made the most of DD and many other aspects of their lives—is that each partner defers to the other depending on who is likely to be wisest and most stable in all the circumstances. For instance, if the man is tired or ill, then he defers to the judgement of the woman. Also, in fields where the woman has greater knowledge and skills, the man defers to her. This is all perfectly natural, but it is more complex and less satisfyingly dramatic than “100% domination”, total submission etc.
A “total obedience” situation puts all the responsibility on the man—he has to make all the decisions and get them all right, because there is no other pathway for making decisions. While women and some men may get hot and horny thinking about such arrangements, I don't imagine that many actually live this way 24 hours a day.
Not only is the 100% obedience arrangement a terrible responsibility for the man, it is also a really unhealthy arrangement for him as well. It seems that humanity generally turns ugly or at least unfocused and inefficient when there are no guides or boundaries—when there is no clear positive or negative feedback. In a small business, there are short feedback paths, involving time delays of seconds to hours or days. In large businesses, or in governments, there are many barriers to feedback, and multiple levels which involve distortions, barriers and time delays lasting days to years. Feedback, especially negative feedback so you can correct mistakes and stay on track, is essential for virtually all human activities. Yet it seems that the 100% obedience arrangement could lead some men and women into a situation where there is little feedback, so things could go way wrong before someone really notices.
It is also possible that with some individuals the 100% power does things to their thoughts and emotions which are unhealthy and lead them to be mistaken, or develop selfish thoughts, feelings and actions.
Fondly and Firmly, the Gentlemanly Art of Spanking the Woman you Love
Copyright Mr Fondman 2003