To be a man in a Taken In Hand relationship is to be the engine in a ship - if you’re not running then the boat isn’t going anywhere

To be a man in a Taken In Hand relationship is to be the engine in a ship - if you’re not running then the boat isn’t going anywhere

To be taken in hand is to have a stronger relationship. My wife introduced the concept of a Taken In Hand relationship a while back now. It first glance I rather liked the idea of a Taken In Hand relationship and thought that it would be great. However I don’t think that I actually knew what a real Taken In Hand relationship is.

My first thought was “Okay, I’ll just tell my wife what to do and she will obey.” However anyone who knows anything about a Taken In Hand relationship knows that’s not the way things are. Sure, you are working towards this concept and idea, but it is everything in between that makes this relationship so special.

I am a rather lazy man by nature, so when my wife and I decided to try to do this in our marriage I didn’t start out very well. There were no big problems with us or anything, it is just as time went by I didn’t bother taking control, and it got harder and harder to do so the more time elapsed. Obviously this was a bad move on my part as it was originally my wife who was so into the idea of a Taken In Hand relationship. As time went on she began doing more and more things that I didn’t approve of. Just little things that she knew might annoy me. I then realized that she really did want me to take charge and be in control.

Being the man I am I find it all but too easy to drift through day to day, and this is the real reason why we were not going anywhere. My taking the path of least resistance was making my wife feel frustrated. To be a man in a Taken In Hand relationship is not just to have ultimate authority or to be able to order your wife to do something. It requires you to engage—to put all you are into your relationship, to continuously have your wife’s well being and happiness on your mind. When a decision comes your way you cannot just choose the easiest path, you have to contemplate which choice that would benefit you and your wife the most.

I know that not all Taken In Hand relationships use domestic discipline. But I just wanted to say how much this does for our relationship. My wife and I decided to start a daily spanking routine. This was just to remind us of who was the head of the household and remind her to think twice about her actions throughout the day to ensure should wouldn’t do anything annoying. This routine worked great for me and my wife. Making it an expected part of our day was a way of ensuring that I would remain present and engaged in our marriage instead of effectively checking out. However due to my lazy nature I eventually stopped this as well, and I was able to see how much of a negative effect stopping it had on our relationship. I wish I had not stopped because it made our daily lives proceed so smoothly, and I loved the loving look my wife would have on her face when it was done. Her face said I love you and I submit.

So all in all I realized how important it is for a man to actively be the man in his marriage. There is no getting lazy or slacking off when it comes to continuously building and strengthening a marriage. When you do that, your wife feels abandoned or as though you don't care about her and your marriage. For a good relationship you need to be fully present and engaging in the relationship. Women need active connection. The trick is to find ways to engage in the relationship that you both enjoy.

I’ve written this post for my wife for Valentine's Day just to show her that I will put up the extra effort to show her that I can be her loving compassionate man. And I will do what is best for the most important person in my life. I am not an expert on the whole Taken In Hand relationship thing, but I do love my wife very much, and with experience and help from this site I’m hoping to explore this much further and make my wife and me as happy as we can be.

Trife

Taken In Hand Tour start | next

Comments

Thank you

Aw, this is my husband, and I want to thank him for this thoughtful gift on Valentine's Day. I thanked him in real life of course but thought it would be appropriate to say it on here.

I am so happy to read that our relationship means so much and that he understands his role in a Taken in hand type relationship.

I am a lucky woman!

What a beautiful present to your wife!

Trife,

Thank you for the heart-felt and insightful letter in honor of your wife.

I LOVE reading the thoughts and opinions of men regarding a Taken in Hand relationship. It's gives me a deeper, and sometimes new perspective on the feelings of men in general and helps me see things from their point of view which helps me see my own relationship from different angles.

To be a man in a Taken In Hand relationship is not just to have ultimate authority or to be able to order your wife to do something. It requires you to engage—to put all you are into your relationship, to continuously have your wife’s well being and happiness on your mind.

Oh. So. True.

Taken in Hand is not a set of arbitrary rules and consequences. It's a way of relating to each other in a deep and intimate way. It deepens respect, admiration, attraction and appreciation. A partner knows when they are being 'engaged' or not and it always has an effect on the intimate tonality of the pair. To me the outward actions: discipline, expressions of authority, tone of voice, eye contact...should just be evidence of the inward relationship condition. I need a deep emotional and psychological connection bonded in love, faith and respect to fully embrace the differing roles we live out. My submission to his domination.

When a decision comes your way you cannot just choose the easiest path, you have to contemplate which choice that would benefit you and your wife the most.

Husbands have huge responsibility here. I have told my fiance' that the setback he may cause by making a mistake (so to speak), with regard to his authority (as we figure this kind of relationship out), would be much less than the setback caused by his inaction, or as you say, laziness. But alas, we are all human and it happens.

Women need active connection. The trick is to find ways to engage in the relationship that you both enjoy.

Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a wonderful husband!