Had to laugh at a relationship advice article on AOL about how to spice up your marriage that recommended “surrender dates”.
The wife allows the husband to control every aspect of an evening—what she wears, where they eat, what else they do after, and...shock...what happens romantically when they come home.
After describing the basic idea, the rest of the article enthuses about how sexy it is once the woman gets over her initial apprehension and discomfort at letting go of control. It goes on to say that after trying it once, many couples find they want to make these episodes a more regular part of their romantic relationship.
Dr. Berman says a woman's need for control can be a factor in a diminishing sex life. “We're ordering him around and telling him what to do and controlling everything in the household, and then we wonder why we're no longer attracted to him,” she says. “It's hard to be attracted to a man that you don't see as powerful and competent and equal to you. If you see him like a child, you're not going to be attracted to him.”
Dr. Berman says surrender dates are a great way to get the sexual attraction back. “Even if it's just for one night or one afternoon, give the guy some control. Let him make some decisions,” she says. “When he rises to the occasion, you'll see how it really positively affects your perception of him, not to mention his own relationship satisfaction.”
I'm all for any suggestions that teach people to explore their feelings and give themselves permission to do what feels good and right to them even if it flouts what's conventional and ‘normal”.
This notion of a surrender date, now that it's got a pop culture name, might make it a bit easier to bring up the subject in conversation with friends. “Have you tried a surrender date?”?
Henceforth, in public, if my hubby needs to take charge momentarily, I can just explain to our friends that we're on a surrender date. The women will giggle and the men will be envious...