The soothing effect of vowing to obey
Almost four decades ago, my wife shocked her peers by promising to obey. Some of her more liberal friends probably thought her out of her mind.
At the time, equality was the rising social tsunami in America. Anything that a man could do, a man had to believe that any woman could do better. After all, the law all but said so!
Yet, few people realized the depth of her commitment or her intrinsic understanding of what was necessary to hold a marriage together in times when ’til death do us part easily translated into when the love fades or into when something better comes along.
Still, she later told me, she was unbelievably calm on her wedding day. There was equanimity that, at the time, she could not explain even to herself. Later, she would describe it as being secure in the knowledge that she was marrying someone able to take charge when he needed to do so.
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Comments
#1 Soothing effects
"Obey" isn't even a part of my religion's marriage vows, so there was no question of my promising that.
In fact I'm sitting here wearing a tee shirt that says, "Obey me," and always causes chuckles in this house. Some things are just not meant to be taken seriously...at least not all the time.
On my wedding day I was calm once I got down the aisle. I was nervous before that..that I might trip on my gown. But I was calm and assured, not because I knew my husband would "know how to take charge" but because I knew we were in love and committed to making it work.
Still here, 17 years later, and I don't obey him...nor, despite my tee shirt, does he obey me.
#2 Obey
Less than five months ago, when Q and I entered this 'era' of our relationship after 20 years of marraige, I chose to give him the gift of adding the word "obey" to our marraige.
It was done with true intent, and out of total love, respect, and admiration for this man who had 'put up with me' for 20 years.
Today, I wouldn't take it back for anything in the world. The sheer amazement and joy that this new aspect of our relationship has brought to us is absolutely priceless.
#3 Vow To Obey
I agree,it is truly an awesome thing to have found a man you can honor, obey, and trust in all things.
As frightening as they seem for some women, I've always found a mysterious peace about the traditional wedding vows. I find them romantic and beautiful.
#4 The freedom to obey
As a male my instinctive response to my wife's promise to obey is to become completely responsible for the relationship. Since I now have the power to enforce my will I have full responsibility for my wife's happiness in the marriage. I try to fulfill that responsibility as well as I can and that gratifies me, since I have the power needed. At the same time I have the power to get other gratification for myself, but never at the expense of my wife's happiness.
Until we took the Taken In Hand road and my wife promised to obey me I could not feel very responsible since, in fact I was not responsible, because I did not have the power needed. Power and responsibility are two sides of the same coin. You can not have one without the other.
Marriages may founder because the wife wants the husband to be responsible without giving him the power to be responsible. Even though husband and wife may have a deep and trusting relationship, political correctness blinds them to the obvious solution. The marriage may dissolve in mutual disgust when endless and sometimes fruitless negotiations make both sovereign parties too tired to engage with each other.