When thinking deeply about taken in hand and the relationship I have with my husband, I can't help but think about the wolf pack. The wolf pack is a family to the utmost. The pack lives for each other, to provide, to protect, to nurture, to reproduce, and to sing together.
Wolves have been my favorite animal since I was little. I have done research on wolves for years. One thing I have learned is that there is no wolf pack without its alpha male. The wolf pack is a family that survives and thrives on the fact that they have a strong leader, their alpha. The alpha male makes the decisions for the pack, he leads them where they should go, he hunts to feed his family, he makes sure the family never withers and picks a female for himself to care for and reproduce with. He breaks up fights between his pups, and makes sure no pack members act dangerously. He establishes his authority by standing tall and proud, making sure that the pack members respect him. Most of the pack will hunch lower to show their status before him. If a pack member does not submit to the alpha, he uses physical force to remind the pack member that he is zlpha.
This alpha male wolf reminds me of the alpha male in a taken in hand relationship. He is loving, caring, protective, and a provider, yet authoritative and strong.
My husband had never made me relate him to an alpha wolf before until he stood tall, proud, and caring of me one night. We had been in a disagreement with each other, both in our bedroom at night. The argument was intensifying and anger was rising. My husband suddenly got up out of bed and started to go downstairs. I thought he was walking away from me (he was really just getting a drink cause he was thirsty).
I had been with him when he was still a teenager, when he use to walk away from an argument that was getting out of hand. It always made me look down on him when he did that, and if I was to refer to him in wolf pack terms then...he would have been just a beta wolf.
Now as my anger rose because he went downstairs, I decided to get up and I was planning on going downstairs and staying on the couch that night for as long as I wanted to. Somehow my husband knew this, and before I made it down the stairs he ran to the bottom of them, took hold of the stair rails with his hands and stood in front of me. He completely blocked my way with his large, tall body. My first instinct was to be mad and try to push through him somehow, but my body was not going through with this instinct. I wasn't even looking up at him. I didn't want to look into his eyes. Then I realized, he wasn't walking away from our argument. He was standing tall, strong, and proudly in place. Realizing this, I looked up at him. His eyes were saying "you're not getting past me," and "please, come back to bed with me, I love you so much," at the same time.
The anger in me simmered down to nothing, and I actually smiled at him. He said, "Please let's talk," and he led me back to bed with his hand on my back.
My alpha male rose in my pack. It made me melt in his arms. And then we both were happy, and couldn't even remember what we were arguing over. To this day, I still can't remember.