The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman offers simple, practical suggestions for enhancing marriages and helping troubled ones. As with everything, commitment is the key.
The thesis of the book is that each person has one, sometimes two ways, or languages, of expressing love. Couples more often fail to convey their love because they simply do not know each other's love language. It is as different as English is from Chinese. During the ‘in love’ part of their relationship, their ‘love tank’ is kept full with the emotional adrenalin rush of it all. But later, an unawareness of their love languages becomes apparent when the arguing begins and their feelings of love for each other decline, eventually emptying their 'love tank'..
Married couples do not need to have the same languages to be happy, but they do need to know what their partner’s language is in order to successfully convey the love they feel for them. Particular ways may even feel unnatural, but the point is that each is choosing to GIVE love to the other.
The languages are
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
Some need to hear the words "I love you" many times a day, but feel no need for gifts or acts of service. Some don't feel loved unless their spouse gives them little gifts or spends lots of quality time with them, but don't need the words of affirmation or physical touch. Taken In Hand readers may fine that for them there is another love language not mentioned in this book, namely, control. Many Taken In Hand women need their husband's active control the way many others need physical touch or words of affirmation, and would feel unloved without that, no matter how much love their husband was showing in all five of the ways given in the book. For Taken In Hand women, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service are nice but don't speak to their heart the way their husband's firm, active control does. Likewise, for husbands in Taken In Hand relationships, what makes them feel loved more than anything else is the way their wife responds so positively to their control.
People wanting to introduce their spouse to their desire for a Taken In Hand marriage may find this book an aid in expressing their needs.