The difference between dominant and domineering

I think it is important to differentiate between dominant and domineering. In my mind, a dominant person is one who takes charge. The role of the dominant person in any relationship is as much mentor and guide as anything else. It is a responsibility. Domineering on the other hand seeks subjugation over submission and usually is based on severe insecurities and total lack of trust.

The reason I say insecurity is because they can not even trust those who love them to love them. They do not love themselves, they are incapable of accepting the love of others. More, they are incapable of trust and letting go.

Dominance and submission is often referred to as a power exchange. Submission, even when taken, is still given willingly. Domineering and subjugation is just about power. Who has it, who loses it. That is, in my opinion, not at all about love and support. Domineering and subjugation are not about building, they are about tearing down. Not about growth but instead about destruction.

LAR

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Have you seen the following articles?
The sexuality of ‘non-sexual’ dominance
The alpha male and masculine power
The dance of consent
We're not all submissive!
Is the man's authority real if consent can be revoked?
The carrot or the stick?
If you want a woman to submit, here's what it takes
Love and fear
Consent, control, connection
I don't want to be a servant or slave

2004 Mar 6 - 09:24 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

I agree LAR. My ex husband w

I agree LAR. My ex husband was domineering and I hated it. My husband today, of many years, is not in the least domineering. Now, he can take the prize for "most controlling", but he ALWAYS has our best interest at heart - even when I don't agree with him.

S used to make me do things that I didn't like to do in some aspects of our life because he knew it was good for me and for us. To a lesser amount today, he still makes me do things that I don't like - but it's easier to comply because our trust grows every day. He is by all means dominant - and he is by no means domineering!

M-

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 Oct 11 - 20:24 | reply to this comment

I heard this saying a while a

I heard this saying a while ago... "A man commands respect, a wimp demands respect." I think it fits well with the domineering and dominant post.

by M- on 2009 Feb 28 - 20:28 | reply to this comment

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