The alpha male and masculine power

The alpha male and masculine power

Being a calm, rational, imperturbable sort of person, it is not often that the mere presence of another person has the power to do any more than make me recoil from the olfactory shock caused by their halitosis or their overpowering aftershave. But very occasionally (about once a decade) I have found myself intensely affected by the mere presence of a particular man—so intensely affected that it has taken every ounce of self-control to appear unmoved.

The effect is extreme, both physically and psychologically. Primal. Overwhelming. It feels as though the man has godlike power—the power of a man; masculine power. You feel totally held by this power. The desire to be taken by the man is so intense that it is frightening. It can be difficult to breathe, or difficult to remain standing, let alone maintain a conversation. Bone dry mouth, zero appetite, heart all over the place, the fear that you might faint, shaking like a leaf, body positively screaming to be taken, a reckless willingness and primal desire to do whatever that man wants. The masculine power of the man—you feel that power with every fibre of your being. Melting in a white-hot inferno of desire, out of your senses, so far out of control psychologically that you can't even imagine being in control, totally in his power. You feel owned by the man, totally his, totally submissive.

If at the time, you're at an academic conference unrelated to your own field, and you are trying to have a highly technical discussion about an arcane piece of research, say, being thus affected by a complete stranger can be a little disturbing. Just as well it only happens once a decade. And just as well I have iron self-control.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. What exactly is it that causes this extreme response? Do other women experience this too? (Yes!) Is it something that can develop in a particular man, or is it something that is either there or not there? What do these men have that others don't? Are they the legendary human alpha males? Why do some men have it and not others? Is there actually something objectively different about them, and if so, what? Or is it a subjective thing, such that a man whose presence would cause this response in me would leave another woman cold, and vise versa?

I once asked a man if he was aware of having masculine power (he was a very long way away at the time!) and from his answer, it seems that other women had felt it too, but he seemed to have no idea why, and assumed that all men naturally have this indefinable, mysterious quality that might be termed “masculine power”. But they don't. Or perhaps I am just blind to its existence in the vast majority of men.

Am I confusing psychological power with masculinity? I myself have psychological power and strength, so I do not think of power as being a masculine quality. And yet, this thing I am talking about feels to me overwhelmingly masculine, of a man, alpha male. What is it?

Possibly the following might be part of it, but I feel very dissatisfied with my analysis of it so far, so I am hoping for some discussion on this subject, some criticism, and some enlightenment.

The power to command, the quiet confidence to know for sure that he will prevail, and the daring to go for it and take what he wants. A commanding presence even if he doesn't know it. Faint heart never won fair lady. Fearlessness—or daring or courage even in the face of fear. He who dares, wins. Calm assurance. The absence of any hint of asking for a favour or appealing to pity. Directness. Activeness. Effectiveness. Not hiding behind a flirty exterior never daring to risk being direct.

It seems easier to say what it isn't than what it is. It is not directly related to appearance, or not obviously so to me, anyway. And whilst quiet confidence might be part of it, there are plenty of men who are positively brimming with confidence who do not move me at all. I alluded to the alpha male idea because it seems as though dominance is a part of it, but it seems to me to be the sort of unaffected, unselfconscious dominance one might call “natural dominance” rather than the theatrical, affected, dominance I see in many a BDSM “Dom”. It does not seem as though the man needs to be aware of the effect he has, and indeed, men who appear to think that they are God's gift to women tend to confirm me in my atheism. ;-)

On the other hand, men who have a victim mentality, or who appeal to pity, or who plead or beg for favours, or who grovel, or who are delicate, sensitive, mystical souls like Ayn Rand's “eminent young poet [who] was pale and slender… had a soft, sensitive mouth, and eyes hurt by the whole universe”, or who seem helpless, or who are endlessly sorry for themselves, or who have a bad temper that they can't control, or who otherwise appear weak, don't have it.

I assume that it is a quality that can develop, rather than being something fixed or something you are born with. Life's experiences and the will to make changes in yourself and your life surely can effect significant changes. I know that I myself have actively developed my own confidence and strength over the years, forcing myself to “feel the fear and [dare to] do [the scary things I passionately wanted to do] anyway”. And that this has significantly affected the way others see me—though as someone once pointed out to me, that in itself implies a strength of will that not everyone has.

I'd love to discuss this. Perhaps you have some fascinating insights to share—in which case, please do!

the boss

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Comments

What works for me...

Very interesting topic you've started, boss. And it's really got me thinking (which, yes, probably means this will be long!). Where to start, though?

A quiet confidence is always more appealing to me than someone who is very obviously confident. The former suggests a comfort with it, the latter suggests the person is trying to hide something unpleasant—like a penchant for bullying. Assured assertiveness—by which I mean the quiet belief that what they ask for will happen if possible. Not being afraid to admit to having weakness, worries, fears—but without letting themselves be overwhelmed by them (most of the time, even the best person feels overwhelmed at times). Not being afraid to have a soft side, and a light-hearted side, not being afraid to have fun, not being afraid to laugh at themselves—taking yourself too seriously is offputting, at least for me. Not being afraid to show an interest in others.

I think all of these can be developed or brought out if the person is comfortable enough with themselves to do it—and/or willing to take the risk to change. And changing yourself is a big risk. The chances are, though, that most people will notice "something" different about you, and remark on things like how well and happy you seem (OK—basing this on a very small sample of people I know who've done it. About half a dozen or less), so like many things, once you've broken through the fear barrier, you find it'snot that scary after all.

I also think it can be turned off and on at will, or at least up and down according to need. B certainly can do that. He has a base-level of quiet confidence and assurance (which has grown since we slipped more into a Taken In Hand relationship), but it can become overwhelming at times—often in response to a situation that requires it. It seems, at least to me, a totally natural behaviour, and not "put on" (you know when you see some-one not getting their way in a shop and they run through all possible methods like they're trying on different clothes to see what will make them look big and important? Not at all like that). At that point—or at any point beyond it's base level really, I'm trying hard to retain composure.

It's a lot down to being comfortable with oneself, I think, or giving the appearance beyond superficial levels. And applied determination (ie knowing what to pursue and what to ignore).

And almost everythng Rudyard Kipling put down in the poem If.

It might be about realising that you've at last found your match—someone you can't get one over—and who won't neccesarily play weak just to let you.

And of course it might just be to do with pheremones ;-)

--

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Hamlet, somewhere.

This is backwards

I am sorry but I think you've got it all wrong. My wife rules my home and my heart. I believe women should have the final say and should mete out discipline when necessary.

Men are all still boys at heart and need a firm hand.

Disagree totally. I prefer (

Disagree totally. I prefer (and choose) a man who doesn't 'disown' his position or responsibility in the marriage or the home.

Of course it's possible that some men like being dominated. However most women prefer a man they are secure in relying on as head of the home (and marriage).

Branching a bit. Other than money and sex what does a man who allows his wife to dominate have to offer in a marriage or in raising a family?

I've been in a relationship with the submissive male and with alpha males. I feel safer and more loved with the alpha male. And find him desireable in the intimate arena while there is absolutely no desire for the man who leaves it all up to me.

First time on this site and love it

Other than money and sex?

Well, I don't think that the fact that a man isn't dominant necessarily means that he won't be a good father. My father was not a dominant man, but he was a very involved parent, spent a lot of time with my brother and I when we were children, was always interested in what we did, always there for us, remained closely involved with us until the day he died.

He certainly had a strong sense of responsibility, he just wasn't Mr Macho Man, he didn't go in for throwing his weight around or laying down the law or anything, which would not have gone down at all well with my mother. He hated giving or taking orders with equal intensity, he thought everybody should do their own thing. And he was fearsomely attractive to women, they threw themselves at him. Being dominant and being responsible do not automatically have to go together.

Alpha males and Alpha Females

This is a really good subject. I believe that like in the animal kingdom we have alpha males and alpha females. People need alphas to lead and to look up to. The people who said it depends on the situation are right it really does depend on the situation. I also think it may have something to do with good looks. I have been told a few times now that I am an Alpha Female and I have been aware of some kind of affect on men that appears to happen, I also tend to be attracted to the typical Alpha Male type. I have also seen other Alpha Females at work and have noticed that they do have a definite affect on men, and an Alpha female will tend to be surrounded by beta males, but not so much be attracted to them, if that makes sense.

The Alpha female, like the Alpha male, is strong, confident and like a queen bee, the workers will do anything for her. Alpha Males and Females seem to fit together and make an unstoppable force, a valuable partnership. Even in a situation where there is just an Alpha female and lots of females and no males these females will still look up to her and be in awe of the Alpha female, and vice versa for the male.

Think about any situation and you will generally find there is an alpha male and/or female. As a naturally confident person i seem to be an Alpha in most situations, only rarely am i not. In one situation I joined a place which already had an Alpha female and male, but the female was not very nice and the beta females didnt really like her too much, so in a way i had to fight for the role of alpha, except it didnt feel like fighting i was just making friends, so maybe if people like and respect you it makes you an Alpha?? In the end me and the Alpha became such good friends she faded into the background before disappearing completely.

So again maybe a female needs a male?? We have a strong relationship now and he understands me better than anyone else can maybe because he's on the same level. Thing is he's a laid back type and the role just come naturally to him, but he's one of those very good looking men whom the betas lust for, we have been dating for a year and a half now and the whole Alpha role still comes to the both of us. What other types of alphas do people know coz i find it unusual that he is an alpha for such a laid back person??

Alphabetising

Have you noticed that people who go in for categorising human beings by letters of the alphabet invariably describe themselves as Alphas? Other people may be described as betas, gammas, deltas or whatever, but nobody ever admits to being less than an Alpha themselves. I wonder why this is? Betaism is evidently something that only happens to other people.

I personally would steer well clear of anyone who went on like this in real life. If some woman came swanking up to me saying "I'm an alpha, you're a beta" my inclination would be to give her a good punch up the hooter. As far as I'm concerned, she'd be well out of order.

Having read 'Brave New World' at a very impressionable age, I find all this business of designating people as letters of the alphabet highly distasteful, and I think people who do it are to be avoided.

Good point Louise...

....and yet again, you've made me laugh out loud at your "punch up the hooter" comment :-)))not that I advocate violence in anyway, it's just the way you come out and say exactly what's on your mind :-)))

Tell me though, what was this book 'Brave New World' about? It is very difficult as humans not to label or catergorise peole because of looks, orientation or what we personally think of them, human nature I think.

I'm trying very hard not to label anyone, including myself, though I'm not always very consistant.

Grace :-)

Brave New World

Brave New World is a novel by Aldous Huxley set in a future in which babies are grown in test tubes. Babies are programed while they are growing to develop into different types to fulfill different functions. Alphas hold all the top jobs and run things, and the other grades of human are programmed to have lesser degrees of intelligence and initiative, until you get down to the 'epsilon semi-moron' category. All are programmed from before birth to be supremely content with their lot and to believe that theirs is the best category to belong to. Children are raised in nurseries, 'Mother' and 'father' are dirty words, promiscuity is compulsory, and Henry Ford is God. Everyone is programmed to die at the age of 50, so there is no old age, and if you feel the slightest bit unhappy you take a wonderful drug called 'soma' which stops you thinking sad or dangerous thoughts. Culture is frowned on, and 'history is bunk'.

Outside the civilised, urban world that most people live in are tribes of savages living in the wilderness, who still worshhip God and believe in monogamy and have (ugh, disgusting) mothers and fathers and family life. The book tells what happens when a Savage is introduces to civilisation, and the effect he has on some of the people he meets, a couple of whom are discontented with their superficial, civilised world.

Thank you for saying you liked my 'punch up the hooter' remark; actually I put that one in specially for you, since you were kind enough to say you'd enjoyed my 'leave it out' comment!

Books..

Thanks for the explanation! I've actually been online checking out the book Brave New World on Amazon and have ordered it, plus Brave New World Revised, 1984 & Animal Farm by—George Orwell, it all seems to tie in together. A little light reading to be getting on with :-)

Thanks for bearing me in mind regarding your "one liners" :-)))

Grace :-)

Light reading

I hope you enjoy all your books. I think Brave new world is a more interesting book really than 1984, because whereas in 1984 it is obvious that the world they live in is quite horrible, in Brave New World the horribleness is more insiduous, because on the surface at least it looks in some ways like quite a pleasant place to live (for Alphas anyway). My favourite George Orwell is Homage to Catalonia, which is about his experiences in the Spanish Civil War, it is utterly brilliant and I think better than any of his fiction.

I never know how my comments are going to go down on here, one person tells me off for being too barbed or abrasive or something, then you come along and tell me you like my stuff and this just eggs me on!

Louise..

Each to their own. Depends where your coming from at the moment of reading a particular article/comment.

I often think these things but I'm "too polite" and tend to keep my comments to myself (online anyway) so as not to offend, BUT that's not to say I wish I were a bit more outgoing and felt able to express my feelings/opinions and "hang" what anyone else thinks. You arent going out of your way to deliberately hurt anyone, are you? :-)

I hope you get your house tidy before Monday, but no doubt you'll have some lovely little story to tell us about your visit to the basement. What a thrill it must be for you, waiting....

Gee, I lead such a boring life! My husband doesnt even tell me off, let alone have any erotic/painful experiences. :-)))

Grace :-)

Expressing opinions

I find it very easy to express opinions in writing, much less easy in conversation. I mean, I could never imagine talking to anybody in real life about the sort of things discussed on here, for instance. I don't say anything deliberately to offend, and am usually slightly surprised when anything I say offends anyone, because I always wonder why anyone should care. Especially the women who write on this site, most of whom seem to be competent, confident, efficient, strong, multi-tasking, Alpha etc, all the things I am so NOT. But there you go. I seem to have a gift for annoying people. The moderator on a Yahoo group I belong to recently called me "totally brain-fucked", and for all I know he may be right.

Husbands are difficult to get right sometimes. Mine's always gone in for telling me off quite a lot, the trouble was he always came on too strong and I used to feel nagged and/ or bullied, it didn't have a sexy effect on me at all,it just made me feel angry, or miserable or withdrawn. I often used to wish I was married to someone more easy-going and laid back. Discovering that there were other ways of coping with our differences has been very interesting.

Oh, the house, my God, just look at it! If he was to walk in now.......!!! Oh well, Ive got two days to do something about it!

The Alpha Male

I absolutely agree that one either has it or he doesn't! I am forever attracted to men of this type. I am a strong willed gal and I am always turned to jello by a strong man—strong of presence, strong of conviction —whatever, but it has to come naturally or I see right through it. A man who is this type of man, god, you can "smell" him a mile away! Obviously, I don't mean that literally, but it's that commanding presence that can put you in your place with a glance. My husband is this way, and although we don't have a traditional "taken in hand" relationship, he has a way of putting me in my place like no other man has been able to do. We have been married 18 years, and although I am fascinated with this taken in hand lifestyle (that's why I'm being such a looky-loo), I'm not sure spanking is for us, although he's threatened a time or two :)) Anyway, this particular subject really hits home for me, because this is the type of man I'm attracted to, and the type I respond to, even though I'm married, and happily so, I still notice this type of man right away, and I am moved by his mere presence. Fascinating!

The Alpha male

I belive that you are not born with the 'masculant' gift, but rather earn and grow on it through success and truth of self. Most men that I talk to are very unsure and clueless. But there are a few great few that make you lose your breath by hearing their authoritative voice. I have only met one man like this and I am now currently with him. The boys my age—I call them boys because they are young—are very inexperienced and I find no attraction to them whatsoever. No boy that I have met has had even a glint of the 'masculant' quality, this is one reason I find that you are not born with it. It moves you and makes you wish to please, that dangerous power of masculinity. You either have this quality or not. There is no middle ground.

Alpha-males!

I agree with you. I have seen so-called dating gurus trying to advise men on how to become alpha. The end result is that you have these new generation of men running around trying to act dominant and getting their feelings hurt in the long run.

Alpha isn't something that you put on like a coat. It is my belief that my genes are from the Hunter Gatherer genes. We are the ones who produced this mythical alpha male to guide our small families and tribes to better hunting grounds.

I've been told that women can smell my pheremones and can smell when I'm horny. You can't duplicate this with fake pheremone creams or sprays.

You either have it or you don't.

The grain society people first came out into dominance about 500 or so years ago by killing off the hunter gatherer folks do not have this. It's been bred out of them.

They do have something similar to the original alpha male. Some kind of nice guy running around kissing babies and being liked by everyone.

True alpha males if they haven't learned to adapt to modern society end up locked up or living on the outskirts of society.

The ones who do learn to adapt usually end up being entrepenuers and leaders of their industries.

You can't fake higher serotonin levels and all that.

You can't fake a natural agression or burning need to control.

Alpha Grown

Just found this site. Interesting, no doubt about it.

I've always been an Alpha Male without knowing it or even knowing what it meant per se. I feel the perception tends to be one of the hard-bitten, rugged type. Alas, that would be pigeonholing the concept. For the AM comes in all sizes, colors and types.

What I've discovered is that the AM is often produced by his environment. For example, ordinarily a bookish sort might be a so-called NERD among one group of men. But among other Nerds, he may well be the AM and thus those women who like that sort of guy will find him to be "irresistible" out of the available nerds.

Thus, this is why you can't or shouldn't TRY to be an Alpha Male. Just be yourself and some woman will find that being you is in and of itself an Alpha quality. When you are yourself, your inner spirit takes note of this and helps you exude a certain confidence. Chiefly, this is due to you having found your center, a balance, if you will. And balance, after all, is what you MUST have to be ATTRACTIVE (at least it feels that way to me).

Other people have always said i was kool. I've never described myself that way. Yet, other guys have always said they wanna be like me. Sure. Whatever. I've just always did me. And i think that's the most one can do. Many women have found this attractive, many have not (but even that's balance in my book).

Essentially, I've lived my life in many ways based on the old adage: "DONT BRAG ABOUT IT, JUST BE ABOUT IT."

alpha

I am the guy who stands at the food store reading a soup can with 100% appreciation of the world around me. Of course I'm saying to myself what the fuck is disodium guanylate(wtf?), but its all about being positive in every situation.

By being completely positive about yourself and everything around, you BECOME it. And thats what people love to see. people will walk by, see positive energy, and they are attracted to it. attraction is not a choice!

I'm Surrounded by Alpha Males

I've been working with the epitome of alpha males (SF) for six years. Often I am the only woman in meetings and conferences. They treat me like family and have bent over backwards for me and offer unconditional support. I feel very lucky. I'm single and do not date the men I work with, however, I'm spoiled because the men that I sometimes do date (from other places) are not even close to the caliber of my best friends and do not measure up. My tough luck, but I wouldn't trade the experience in this social experiment for anything else!

Very few men continuously radiate masculine power

Oh, yes. I think there is a world of subject matter there. Everyone has a word for that power; I've often heard it called "machismo", but I personally don't like the sound of that word. So, yea, to begin with, "masculine power" is a great all-around term. Also, I have been in the presence of many such men; it goes without saying that, like feminine power, it can be used for good or evil. Men with agendas and masculine power are quite menacing. Consequently, a woman with very developed feminine powers will pick up such danger signals quickly through intuition. But there are men who manifest this power in good, quiet ways, without being "macho". They are the types of men you can trust to give you a good deal, pass fair judgement in legal matters, protect and serve as policemen and servicemen. I don't care how good a cop/firefighter/soldier a woman is- I would feel more safe in the care of a uniformed male.

I think there are very few men who continuously radiate masculine power. I think that nowadays, most men have it on and off. For instance, my own husband is authoritative, quietly strong, emotionally solid- but there are times when he is confronted with other "alpha male" types, men in financial authority like bankers and such, when he gets nervous and deferential. So, while my hubby has masculine power, he's definitely not an alpha type. He'd never lead a herd, but he would also not be the one at the back of the herd. That's what I want. Leaders often have too many responsibilities, and their wives end up under just as much scrutiny. Like Bill and Hillary Clinton.

Regards,
Bonnie Lass

Alpha Males and Alpha Females

I believe that some men do "fight" their way to the "top of the tree" and become Alpha Males like in the Animal Kingdom. I've known a few Alpha Males and they're the one who get the girls when their buddies fail. I'm pretty sure it's about dominance—the dominant Alpha Male can face down the Beta Males and gets what all the other guys can't. I believe there's an equivalent in the female of the species too: an Alpha Female. Alpha Females have that same dominant quality.

Alpha Male, Masculine Power, Machismo, or...?

I know what you're talking about but it's kinda hard to pin down and even harder to name. I don't like "Alpha Male" because for one thing that's not a term for a human being but a primate; "Alpha Male" also carries the idea of the man being one who has a lot of ladies; I don't like "macho" or "machismo" because it makes me think of swaggering youths who think they're kewl 'n' tough, and who are actually pathetic creatures ladies laugh at. I like "masculine power" or "male power" but there's got to be a better word for it. Anyone got a better idea?

My experience with my Alpha Male and His masculine power.

Mac and I have been together as a couple for 18 months. Before that we had a friendship stretching back over four years. Mac has this ability to take control of any situation and make everyone present obey Him. It is not always a conscious thing for everyone, but it still happens. I was always aware that He had a certain air about Him but it has only been recently that I have become aware that other women and men feel it too. He has always just felt that it was His natural right to take whatever He wanted. Not many people have ever tried to challenge Him and not because He is a bully, just because they seem to think it is His right too. He tends not to abuse this, though He often could, and I think that just gains Him more respect from the people around Him.

It affects me deeply. I have always wanted to be the life and breath of this Man from the first moment I met Him. I wanted to please Him. I wanted never to disappoint Him. I don't just mean a sexual attraction because at first it wasn't sexual, it just was. For a long time neither He nor I had a name for it, after a while it became my submission to Him though He still claims no dominance over me other than His natural right as my Lover, Protector, Friend and Provider. (What I call dominance, Mac prefers to call masculinity and what I call submissiveness, Mac calls femininity.)

When I thought about this topic, the following about Mac and His father came to mind.

Mac once told me a story about His dad, who was also the coach of Mac's rugby team while He was still in school. Mac's dad coached the team for many years, from the time they were little lads whose dads would dry behind their ears in the change rooms after games, until this particular time when they were 17. It was the end of the season and the boys had performed well, taking out the area championship as well as quite a few of the players being selected to play for the national school boys team.

The rugby club put on a celebratory dinner for them, the boys and their families. The beer was free and the club didn't stick to the rules of age when it came to drinking, the boys were their champions and so close to legal age after all.

So here were twenty 17 year olds, drinking themselves silly while their parents, siblings and grandparents looked on. Mac's dad was outside being interviewed by a local paper and had no clue what was going on inside.

It was announced that the buffet was ready and all of the 17 year olds grabbed plates and made a dash for the food, pushing and shoving each other, generally being 17-year-old boys with a little too much alcohol in their system. Before they actually got to the buffet Mac's dad walked in to the room and took once glance at what was happening and he said 'Right you lot, guests first.' Without protest or grumbling or reproach the boys turned around and walked back to the table and sat down.

There was a stunned silence from the guests. Mac's dad hadn't raised his voice, hadn't threatened them, hadn't sworn or ranted, he had just told them what to do and they had obeyed without complaint. For the rest of the night Mac said you overheard people saying things like 'How did he do that?' 'Wish I could get [insert name] to do the stuff I say.' 'He didn't even sound angry!'

I always loved this story because to me it showed the admiration these almost men had for Mac's dad. There would have been times over the years that they would not have agreed with the decisions that he made and times I am sure they had butted heads, but he had given them good guidance and they respected Mac's dad for it. So when he said guests first, they all turned back knowing that He was right.

Because of that story, I should not have been quite so surprised at what happened with Mac. I was though. It was a complete shock.

We have a group of friends that we have pretty much had for the last four and a half years. There is a basic core of us that are really good friends and then there are people who come and go and depending on the relationships they are in and such. The core of us try and get together for dinner at least once a month and the others that are around get an invite too and whoever shows up is there. It's a pretty informal thing and always lots of fun.

If Mac has been into the office, a friend will call past and drive me to the restaurant so that Mac doesn't need to drive out and pick me up. There is a fringe dweller that has been hanging around for a couple of months and he really gets on my nerves. His name is Robert. He once whined about not liking woman that NEED men, but refused to be drawn into a discussion on it and made me feel rather small with the way he spoke to me. I have pretty much avoided Robert since then but he happened to be there this night.

The situation that arose started out as a discussion once again on the strength of women that need men and it very quickly turned ugly and at that point I should have walked away. Instead I stood my ground and the rest of our friends joined in and there was some name calling and it was all really awful and I tried to back off but no one was listening and it looked like a discussion that one would see at the local football ground, not in our favourite place to eat.

At the height of it Robert called me a stupid slut and I thought that any second punches would be thrown and it was at that moment Mac walked in. Everyone started talking to Him and He ignored them all and looked directly at me.

'What is going on?' He said calmly and everyone fell silent and of course I started to jibber out some answer to defend my part in this.

'Well Robert started talking about women who need men being weak and I told him I need You but I am not weak...'

Mac held up His hand and I stopped.

'Why would you feel a need to defend our relationship to anyone let alone someone who obviously doesn't have a clue? You do not need to speak to Robert anymore, nor will you ever defend us again. Do you understand?' He said all this quite calmly, no anger, no frustration, no disappointment in His voice. He just stated it as fact.

I stood there with my head bowed, and felt very ashamed of my behaviour. I told Him I understood and that I was sorry. Much to my amazement, others around us apologised too. Mac announced that He was going to the bathroom and that when He came back, He would start His evening over. He kissed me on the cheek (a sign between us that all is forgiven) and He left.

The conversation slowly resumed in a much more normal manner and Robert was judiciously ignored. He said that he was leaving and no one tried to stop him and the room felt much lighter with him gone.

Mac came back bounding with His usual energy and the dinner turned out to be a lot of fun. There was lots of good conversation and much laughter and not one person mentioned Robert or what had happened again.

Mac had taken control of a room full of rowdy people without even trying.

Do I have this Male Power?

Seeing as how all you ladies are talking about alpha males like the're Gods, a man want's to know if he's got it too. Let's see... when I walk into a room, the only women who throw themselves at me are the ones who've mistaken me for the fellow at the butcher's who sold them meat that ought to have ended up in pigs' troughs. When I try staring at a woman like I've got masculine power, she either glares at me and asks what my problem is or calls security and has me escorted off the property. Last time I tried to be assertive with a woman she didn't even register I'd said anything. Can anyone help me? Am I a lost cause, destined to be for ever a beta male—or is it a delta male?

Personally, I'm not looking for an alpha female or an alpha anything. I'm not even looking for a beta one—I figure they're way out of my league. Any delta females out there?

Ian

Is masculine power really an elusive recipe?

I would first like to thank the boss and everyone contributing to this thoughtful
community. It is finding a wonderful website like this every once and again that
reminds me why I have internet access. Thanks to my sister Lisa for sharing this
site with me.

Seems after reading so much here that this topic has pulled me to post. Much of
my life, I've had a tendency to intellectualize versus act (be alive) on topics
of what it means to be man, to have masculine power. I believe it is important
to acknowledge diversity and our own uniqueness while on a path to settle
somewhere between where we are (who we are) and who we want to be.

I'd like to say to Ian, forget the "leagues".  This is your life, your game.
The passage to ourselves comes with the care of those that we learn to love and
trust, not a recipe empirically accepted by everyone, much less... just us
folks here. I'd like to recommend some reading for you, and as well perhaps
request a link for the Taken In Hand books page. It is No More Mr. Nice Guy, written by Robert A. Glover.

Don't jump to a conclusion on the title, as this book is not about "meanness",
but about men finding a way to stop seeking approval and start getting what they
want in life... ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a
satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful
relationships. 

I look forward to reading and sharing more.

David

What distinguishes the majority of men from the few is
their inability to act according to their beliefs.
 —Henry Miller

 

In Response to Ian Who wonders what his moniker might be

I think, Ian, it's fairly clear that you're the Alfalfa male. Next time you enter a room, simply call out, "Hey Darla, let's put on a show." Problem solved. (I realize I run the risk of carbon dating myself here, or confusing those of you who already profess being confused in the Home Counties and elsewhere in Jolly Old England...but, what the heck!)(Yes, I know this is a whole year late.

Alpha male/masculine power? I don't buy it

I don't buy it. I think what you're feeling is sexual attraction pure and simple. It might be pheremone-related or it might not be but there's no such thing as "masculine power" or "alpha males" in the human beings. I think you are confusing gender issues and dominance and what you're talking about is dominance or plain old attraction. So yeah, like as not other women feel it--and guys too. Everybody loves a person with confidence and charisma. Could be it's charisma not the other stuff.

More than charisma

The reader said, "I think you are confusing gender issues and dominance and what you're talking about is dominance or plain old attraction."

It's much more than charisma, it's the total male not handicapped by fears, old emotional wounds or excuses. He "owns" (as in takes full responisibility of) everything that belongs to him, knows how to manage, and lead.

The Alpha Male does not look to his woman to make decisions, yet always cherishes her input. He is able to move forward without needing her, yet does not without her. He listens, and remembers the little things about her because he cares and cherishes her, like a precious and raw jewel. He knows how to make her feel safe, and does those things every time. He intimately knows her fears and desires, not by mindreading but by talking with her often, and really pays attention. He puts "knowing her" at the top of his priorities, and does things that shows he does, and frequently, daily, even hourly at times. He constantly puts her up on a pedistal to honor and respect.

I am a new reader, and am learning of my maleness. My woman and I are Christians, and have found the boss's perspective to be Biblically aligned. I have always been an alpha Male, yet never exercised it fully. Just in the last 3 months I've begun to remove the shroud, and walk right past the fears, and use the wounds of my past as strengths not weaknesses. I am changing.....no....I'm becoming my true self, as God created me.

Funny....when you truly seek the truth, you often find it. Great site!

The power of a Man

Wow !—Great Topic!

It's true: some men are Men; some aren't. That's the reality of my experience. Others may choose to differ.

I agree with Rudyard Kipling's poem, "If". I found a copy of it here.

I'd like to hear from the men here. Is Ian the only one with the balls to comment? ;)

Christa

Ian

That was an awfully nice compliment to pay Ian, Christa! I second it, and I'll add a comment myself in a moment.
Malcolm

Alpha Males?

Some people have charisma and a sense of confidence. Yes it is sexy. What they make of it is more important. Power can be used in good ways and bad ways. Men and women can both have this kind of power. With a woman, it would be the one men can't resist, the one who can twist them around her little finger. There's nothing so magical about all this.

I enjoyed Ian's comments because they were so refreshing. Ian, I bet you can get a terrific lady, because you have a great sense of humor!

About the "Mac" story...where I come from, capitalizing Him in the middle of a sentence is reserved for God.

The Alpha Male / Masculine Power - Rare

I believe men like that exist, although they are rare. I have yet to personally meet one, BUT have come across one years ago while doing some grocery shopping. He wasn't really handsome. He just had that aura about him, his presence was undeniable and the power that emanated from him was strong. He commanded himself extremely well without even having to speak or move. He was simply reading the label on a can of food.

By the way, I wasn't the only one that was drawn to him. Everyone that saw him couldn't stop looking at him either, both men and women.

-Glory

Alpha male? No Masculine power? Maybe - PRIDE

You're confusing two things: the alpha male who gets the girls, and men with quiet strength and pride in themselves. They have what looks to me like masculine power. However, I think the main ingredient's pride. When the guy in the grocery store was reading the label, what else could have been showing but his pride? I don't mean misplaced pride, the sort that causes problems, I mean the sort that glows out of a person when they are 'straight and true'.

I'm not sure it's masculine power either, because women can have the same thing too, and it draws both males and females whichever it is that's got it.

- Pet

Charisma. What is it?

I wondered about confusing charisma with male power and then I wondered what charisma was. So, I looked it up. The OED defines charisma as:

divinely conferred power or talent; capacity to inspire followers with devotion and enthusiasm.

Yes, ok, that could fit Masculine power. But in truth, I have known women with charisma and none of them have had the instant powerful effect that the boss described in her article even though I have felt a sexual attraction to these women. That makes me think there is a difference. Maybe others have felt it in the presence of a woman. Have you?

A reader wrote

About the "Mac" story...where I come from, capitalizing Him in the middle of a sentence is reserved for God.

I guess we come from different places. Isn't it grand how diverse the world can be!

Charisma

People who are incredibly charismatic have personal power. That is, their life is so together that they are able to do whatever they want. I must say that charm is different from charisma. A guy/girl may be charming and that to me refers to the fact that they could be charismatic if they had their life together.

What I mean by personal power is that the choices we make. I think that charisma is something that anyone can develop.

Alpha males DO have Masculine Power

I beg to differ with the poster who said alpha males don't exist / don't have masculine power. My husband's work means he's continually facing armed confrontation; he couldn't do the job but for his abilities in regard to being calm and handling people with his commanding Presence. He often doesn't need to use force because he's a Man others obey. I wouldn't say he's macho but he's most definitely an alpha Male with Masculine Power. What I love about him is he's the kind of guy who can just by his presence calm a tense situation down. He's a real rock. This is what I call the essence of masculine Power. I wouldn't say he's Dominating, he's just naturally a Man to Obey. He's an Alpha Male because he's a guy people obey, that's it.

Georgie

If he is an Alpha male then are you concerned that he cheats. This is the most important feature of alpha males sexual access.

His gun is a lot more use in policing than his Masculine Power.

Another Man's View...

I can't speak for the boss or the other ladies that have commented, and I cannot feel what you ladies feel, because I am a man. I know what emotions are, but I also know that women feel and react to these emotions differently than a man. So, pardon me if I miss the mark, but here is my view:

I have been accused of being of the Alpha type and aggressive in what I hope is a positive way. (I find a way to get what I want—not by sheer power, force, or even manipulation—but by education, working the system, working the people, and leading others to achieve so that those that are with me can be their very best.)

To achieve these goals, a person must learn to control the situation, or to identify and gain control of the variables affecting the situation. The person that can accomplish this draws others like a magnet—both men and women—and while I'm not talking sexuality here, I sense that women feel very protected by this type of man and are naturally submissive to this leadership. From what I have read and have experienced with my wife, this form of "dominance" (dominating and controlling the situation) can be a huge turn-on to the woman.

I've been told that I'm Type "A"—whatever that means. I've led men in the military, in our church, and in my business. I guess you could say that I'm a leader.

A leader LEARNS to be calm under fire, solve problems while others may be wilting from the pressure, and leads and cares for those around him so that ALL will benefit. I don't know if this is what you ladies are talking about, but it seems to me that you are describing leadership characteristics and qualities—in your husbands, boyfriends, or men that you have known. You feel secure and protected by his ability to command the situation and this fuels the femininity of your very being.

(By the way, a person in a position of power isn't necessarily a leader, and a leader is not always in the position of power to exercise his leadership skills. So, I am NOT saying that every general or every corporate president is a leader—but, it sure is great when the person in power is a leader!)

Sam (of Sam & Missy)

Leaders

You hit the nail on the head. Seems like confidence is the main thread in all the comments. Confidence in taking control, confidence in speaking to women, confidence in a stressfull situation. Unlike most of the commenters, I've met several alpha-males in my life (I'm only 27). Just like most others, I'm captivated by their presence. Their self-belief radiates from them, pulling others toward them like a magnet. And leaders must be confident.

Alpha Males, Masculine Power, and Obedience

When I'm connecting with an alpha male with the kind of masculine power the boss wrote about, something happens. With other men, I'm pretty dominant and don't allow them to order me around. But with the alpha male, I find myself obeying them and wanting very much to obey. It's like, when other men tell me what to do, it's out of order, but when a particular alpha male does it, I become ..... obedient. It's like I have to obey, no question. I want to and need to obey in some primeval way and it feels good to do so.

Do others feel this same way?

Re: Alpha Males, Masculine Power, and Obedience

A reader wrote:

When I'm connecting with an alpha male with the kind of masculine power the boss wrote about, something happens. With other men, I'm pretty dominant and don't allow them to order me around. But with the alpha male, I find myself obeying them and wanting very much to obey. It's like, when other men tell me what to do, it's out of order, but when a particular alpha male does it, I become ..... obedient. It's like I have to obey, no question. I want to and need to obey in some primeval way and it feels good to do so.

Do others feel this same way?

Yes, I feel something not a like what you describe. Unlike the boss, I don't mind being asked to do things atall when it's an alpha male asking me.

In my opinion it's natural that women feel Obedient to their Men.

Ashley

Re: Alpha Males, Masculine Power, and Obedience

Ashley wrote:

Unlike the boss, I don't mind being asked to do things atall when it's an alpha male asking me.

In my opinion it's natural that women feel Obedient to their Men.

When I read this, my first reaction was that Ashley must be talking about someone else, because I definitely do like being told what to do—by the right man, in a non-gratuitous, understated, natural way. Under the right circumstances, it is very exciting and also deeply relaxing, and yes, it makes me feel obedient too.

What I don't like, and what I was referring to in the article Ashley linked to, is being asked to do things in a grumpy you-jolly-well-ought-to-do-this-for-me sort of way. It is supposed to be fun and exciting, not a means of extracting favours or service. I seem to have a bit of an aversion to being treated like a servant or slave or a BDSM bedroom sub. And when I am not attracted to and interested in the man, or if the man throws his weight around gratuitously, or if he demands obedience (or demands it when we have only just met, at least), or if he gets angry if I do not obey, I find it presumptuous, annoying, and altogether unappealing.

What I like is a combination of telling me what to do (in a natural, understated way), and a laid-back, easy-going attitude.

In a relationship, it is particularly pleasant when a man is bossy in ways that are also expressions of caring. For example, telling me firmly not to try to lift something too heavy for me, telling me to rest when I am exhausted, telling me to tell him what's on my mind.

Obeying an alpha male

Thank you Ashley for presenting this viewpoint. I also find that I am willing to comply if it is not asked/demanded in a demeaning way. If the request relates to my well being, I do respond well. Unless of course, it is something I really want to do LOL, then I become a negotiator.

Compliance to Alpha Males - "Do others feel the same way?"

I am a very strong and confident woman and like other women contributors here, the 'alpha' male can always bring out the desire to comply, yield, obey...submit.

Only the 'alpha' has this affect on me. Only it isn't mindless compliance and submissiveness...I am not talking about being mesmerized by a snake. A true alpha enables and empowers. My faith in a universe unfolding as it should is fully restored by a true alpha's simple presence, I find myself functioning with perfect clarity ... all doubts and insecurities in abeyance. This is true in both working relationships and in personal relationships.

I don't believe that 'alpha' males or females are simply born that way and live out there lives that way. A predisposition in infancy is logical, but 'alpha' qualities are built __ or lost__ over the course of a lifetime. It isn't about power or money, it is all about inner strength. Whether he is a labourer,lawyer or legislator, an alpha male is well grounded, sure of his place in the universe and happy with it. That is the draw. I am drawn to alpha males as I would be drawn to high ground in a flood or in the same way I would reach out to hold onto something solid when dizzy.

With a beta male I am always aware of the need to be strong and not only self-sufficient, but the supportive and grounded nurturer on demand. I cannot lean at need ... I can only lean when the beta is having a 'strong' day. As a strong female more like a female alpha wolf in the wild than not, I truly need to sense genuine and consistent strength before I can even think about leaning. I cannot be submissive in any way with a beta male because absolute trust is missing.

That absolute trust is key and the true alpha male inspires absolute trust as effortlessly as breathing.

This is how I feel as well

And I'm glad to see this subject raised here. I think there is definitely such a thing as an Alpha Male, and I don't think it's about sexual attraction. Recently, I worked late at school, and one of the administrators was there with some business associates. They were meeting to discuss some school matters, and every time I walked past them, I had an overwhelming feeling of submission. And I guarantee that I am not sexually attracted to any of them. They are old, they are wrinkled, and they do nothing for me except exude that Alpha stuff!

Sharon

'Alphas' and submission

For me, the feeling of submission is always sexual. I never have non-sexual submissive feelings. If a man makes me feel submissive, whatever letter of the alphabet he may be categorised as, it's accompanied by a sexual frisson. It's never entirely unsexual.

I agree completely. I had a

I agree completely. I had a supervisor at a job I had when I was younger that could make me blush just by walking by. He exuded maculine energy.

But it was his actions, not merely his presence that made me feel this way. He was the kind of man who would see us out to our cars at night, and in the winter when we walked out to our cars we would find them by some miracle to be free of snow and ice. He was protective of his employees and you felt a comfort just knowing he was on duty. I was rather young at the time (16 or so), and he was a bit older (I don't think more than 7-10 years). I was embarassed and confused by my attraction and reaction to him (which only served to make it worse by the way), but it was definitely there. As I begin to understand more about myself I am starting to get more comfortable around strong males but I think even today if I were to run into him I would probably react as my 16 year old self. Though I would like to think it wouldn't be as outwardly obvious:)

Directives

I don't find it strange that you would laugh at a directive from one man, and want one from others. I tend to feel vaguely submissive towards men I am attracted to, and tend to hope that they will get dominant with me. if I'm not attracted to a man, then I have no desire for him to give me directives, and I wouldn't much care for it if he did. These days, with my husband, I tend to be hoping all the time that he's going to get bossy with me.

Louise

Feeling Compelled to Submit

It's an amazing feeling...I've only met two men who have had this effect on me. One I met while I was in college. I was always the "tomboy", "one of the guys", "tough" as nails. Though I adorned myself in a feminine manner, guys knew...or found out...not to mess with me. However, there was one man to whom I felt compelled to submit...just by being in his presence. Sure, I could hide it well in public, but alone in a room with him the grand facade I had so carefully built crumbled to the ground. We BOTH knew that, when alone, he was in authority, and I was to submit. Honorable man that he was, he never pulled rank to my detriment, always treating me with gentle care and great respect. I always felt protected by him. Even the one time I pushed his buttons so far...in public...that he was furious with me, when someone in the group acted in a way that threatened to expose me as being less tough than I portrayed, he put a quick end to it with one word. No one in the room would have dared disobey him. I discontinued pushing his buttons when he looked at me in a manner that promised consequences the next time I found myself alone with him...he never said a thing to me...a look was all it took. I didn't think I wanted to know what those consequences would be...but I had a notion. We shared a close, non-sexual, non-relationship...that could never really be called a friendship...for years, and then life took us in separate directions without so much as a final good-bye. To this day, I have a great respect for him as a manly man.

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