Why do rules often not function the way some couples new to Taken In Hand expect? The core difficulty may be confusion of means and ends. In theory, rules become a means to an end. The desired end is a secure—and, therefore, a solid—relationship. When that does not happen, then frustration occurs because the rules get in the way of achieving the desired goal.
Another difficulty is that the concept of rules is borrowed from a source. If one considers that marriage and family are primal, then, rules borrowed from more complex structures may become burdensome. They simply do not fit the purpose.
Taken In Hand is much like sex. It works best when it is organic.
A couple can have textbook perfect sex and still have a rotten marriage. The same is true for Taken In Hand. It is simply one of those things which unlike—combinations of flour, sugar, milk, and eggs—cannot be put into a book of recipes for all to use with marvelous success.
Instead, successful Taken In Hand has to originate from within the couple.
As I pointed out before, I almost ruined my marriage by trying to do follow socially acceptable rules of engagement. It took my wife showing me this is what women need to straighten them out before I could even come close to saving our marriage.
For Taken In Hand to be successful, a man must get inside the woman's mind. If he fails to do that, the rest is wasted effort.
I found formalized rules to be burdensome. Instead, things have worked best for my wife and me when we simply did what was necessary to work out our difficulties at the time things needed to be straightened out.