Taken In Hand relieves tension and increases goodwill

Taken In Hand relieves tension and increases goodwill

Taken In Hand is not about morality or imperfection (the faulty woman idea). I think it's more about managing the tension that comes about through the natural differences between us, between people first and foremost, but men and women in particular. The biggest difference between men and women lies with how, within a loving relationship, we handle conflict and the difference of opinion, that can lead to argument.

Now, if instead of getting into a huge conflagration at the slightest sign of trouble (which often happens when a disagreement blows out of proportion and out of control), instead what you have is one rather simple answer: "take it out on my hide." Or, if you're not into spanking, then a firm statement like "you will stop that right now." In other words, the goal, as others have said, is not to become better people (although, from an objective standpoint, that might actually happen over time, as we learn better ways of expressing anger and frustration with each other); instead, the ultimate goal is to learn how to enjoy each other more, and avoid breaking up, with all the pain and loss associated with endings. Relationships are not difficult if you have a reliable way to resolve conflict.

In the best of all possible worlds, no one would hold grudges, no one would threaten divorce, and no one would betray or abandon anyone. In this world, however, we do all of those things, but we do them less when we have effective ways to channel our innate aggression, resentments, fears, and doubts about each other.

That's why I like the Taken In Hand dynamic. It gives the man a way of expressing frustration, and maybe even real anger, without destroying the connection between you. In fact, the connection is strengthened through spanking, discipline, and control. It's a complicated recipe, in some ways, and in other ways, it's simple and makes complete sense, to have a man express his strength in this very physical way. It makes sense for a woman to be the recipient of his authority and control, since it's safe and containing, and allows me, for one, to feel protected in a world that is quite lonely otherwise.

It's an addictive feeling, to have my man spank me very hard at the end of the day. All my resistance fades away, and I open up to him in ways that simply don't happen as easily any other way. I know the science of this, I understand the psychology, but I still cannot explain it adequately. All I know is, he says he likes to do it because he likes to dominate, and I know I like to do it because I like to be dominated. In no way are these 'moral' or 'immoral' truths. They just are. I'm not becoming perfected when he spanks me. I just like the way it feels, and so does he.

I have noticed two things since we begun this. One is that my significant other is much more solicitous. He sees me as a woman, rather than as a girly-looking guy, as so many men have been trained by society to see women these days. So he opens doors for me with alacrity and attention he had not shown prior to this, brings me tea, carries heavy objects, and never lets me feel like I'm on my own, dealing with life without his supervision and concern.

The second thing that has become obvious is that although when we started spanking, he was not consciously concerned about hurting me, now he has made it clear that it's okay if spanking causes me pain, but he won't do it if it hurts me, and I understand the distinction. The former is physical, and expected; the latter is emotional, and potentially damaging to our connection, and to be avoided. Tears are not a reliable indicator of being hurt, of course, so we're not talking about tears (which I haven't yet felt like shedding during a spanking). Being hurt is in the heart, and there's nothing about being taken in hand that hurts me. In fact, I feel wonderful knowing he's in charge of me and of my body.

There is a morality to being taken in hand. It's subtle at times, and overt at others, but it's always there, under the surface. The morality is what guides us and being taken in hand is necessary for both of us to be happy. We have been in relationships where the dynamic is irresponsible and self-serving. Within a taken in hand setting, however, neither of us feels out of control, and we both know the connection is strong and focused on each other, and focused on making the relationship work.

Rainbow

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Comments

Taken In Hand makes men more moral

Funny how she behaves so much better after being corrected. And he behaves better because he wants to be honorable enough to deserve the right. When a man is responsible both for his wife and for himself the magnitude of his responsibility forces him to elevate his own moral standards. But if you want to call it relief from tension and promoting good will, that's OK with me. As long as I'm in charge in my own marriage.

More Moral Men

One curious phenomenon is that men with more education tend to be more faithful. In my experience, they are also the ones most likely to understand women. I suspect that, over the long haul, it is also much easier to fulfill one woman than it is to try to please a dozen.

Cathartsis

The cathartic aspect of *Taken in Hand* is probably the least understood and, after the marriage is straightened out, the most important. In order to stay healthy, women must dump their emotional baggage cart. If they are unable to do this, eventually there will come that proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back.