It is not fair that my lovely woman (greatest gal on the planet!) follows my directions, but can't give me directions. She makes requests, that I consider. Usually she gets exactly what she asks for, sometimes she doesn't.
Nor is it fair to me that she isn't responsible for making decisions that I have to make all the time for our mutual benefit, so she doesn't have to worry about those things.
I do listen to her, and discuss things with her, but when it comes down to significant decisions (and even not-so-significant decisions), I'm the one making the choices, easy or difficult. I also accept full responsibility for making those decisions and any consequences for them.
How is that fair to me? It's not. We're simply taking advantage of our strengths.
Mind, I'm not complaining about these things, I just don't look at it as being a fairness issue. Fairness requires one to count and tally things but a Taken In Hand relationship should not be like that. As I see it, a significant part of Taken In Hand is acknowledging that one person is to be the leader, and the other person will follow that lead (by force if necessary!). It's a matter of authority and power. I've seen plenty of relationships (and been in enough of them) to now recognize that many conflicts are about power, or who's leading in any given moment.
What Taken In Hand offers is a clear definition of who is the final authority, who is going to take responsibility for decisions that aren't easily made when such decisions would often involve conflict when discussed among peers attempting for consensus. I don't expect or look for consensus, but then we have an exceptional amount of trust. She knows I will listen to every one of her concerns, and do my best to address them as (I see fit) in my decisions. She trusts my decision making. She can express disappointment in my decisions, and we may discuss how my decisions affect that disappointment. But she doesn't second-guess my decisions—she trusts that I have her best interests at heart (that's a big responsibility for me).
Think about work...are the decisions your boss make always fair? No. They can't be, because someone will always not get what they wanted. Your boss's primary responsibility is to the business needs, not the individuals. Just as the husband's responsibility in Taken In Hand is to the relationship.
(And before anyone jumps on it...I know our relationships aren't the same as work, but the leadership aspect is applicable everywhere.)
Fair? I think not.
Just? As just as I can be.