A D/s person on the yahoo group wrote:
The site professes that [Taken In Hand] is different than a D/s lifestyle. Someone want to explain how this is so? Because I just don't see the difference. From what I see the dynamics are basically the same. Whitewash it any way you wish . . . The problem [Taken In Hand] people seem to have is accepting their roles and taking responsibility in those roles.
D/s is very much in your face in its approach to specific roles. They advertise. In reality, D/s has simply taken one aspect of the Taken in Hand relationship and exaggerated it. “Dominants” are proud to be dominant. “Submissives” are proud to be submissive. When compared to Taken in Hand relationships, there is too much he and she and not enough we in the D/s lifestyle.
On the other hand, Taken in Hand is very low key. Taken in Hand couples are very difficult—if not impossible—to spot in a crowd. One woman might be the young mother wearing a Big Ten alumni sweatshirt, blue jeans, and sneakers holding her child as she stands in the checkout line at the grocery store. Another might be that nice older lady conducting historical tours and patiently answering the same inane question four dozen times a day—five days a week.
Moreover, despite the stereotype of the stay-at-home mother with minimal marketable skills, Taken in Hand women can be quite independent. One might be an MBA. Another could be a former beauty queen running a successful dance studio. Still another might be a pediatrician. Most of the men are equally indistinguishable from their peers. One might be a steeplejack during the week and a Little League coach on the weekends. Another may be a bookish professor of anthropology at a local college. These men are quietly self-confident. They have little need to impress anyone with their authority—especially if it involves pointing out that they run the show at home.
Women in Taken in Hand frequently report that their husbands are both patient and complimentary. Words of praise are profuse and sincere. A helping hand is readily available. In Taken in Hand relationships in which spanking occurs, it is merely one means among many to making a stronger marriage. A very private spanking to straighten out a marriage does not a lifestyle make! Thus, while, these couples seldom stand out in a crowd, they tend to stay married and remain faithful to each other. In fact, Taken in Hand is so normal and natural that it often has no name.