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When I first came to Taken In Hand, I read through the various posts. I noticed that some people were talking about the idea of spanking and discipline as fantasy or erotic foreplay to sex. Some women long for a man, strong and true, to use spanking on her, but could wanting this encourage bad behavior? Foreplay and sex is one thing, but spanking should be a serious matter. Though spanking can lead to great sex later, the sex should come out of appreciation and love from a firm spanking, not a soft erotic spank.
Now, to me, it's one thing to want a strong man you know you can depend on to put you in your place on occasion. It's another to want a man to use practices meant for discipline as erotic ways of foreplay or fantasy. To me the idea of being taken in hand and corrected by your man is important. It establishes the authority of the man over the woman in the home. It must be used sparingly and honestly so that the woman knows he is doing this out of love, not lust. When a man spanks his wife, he shouldn't be thinking about sex, he should be determined to discipline and correct them. Spanking also should be followed by direct communication. His proper domination over his wife should make her grateful to him and want to please him or do the right thing. That could then lead to sex, not because she enjoyed the pain of spanking, but because she is hot for her strong, responsible man who just disciplined her. The act of spanking is not meant to be pleasurable; it's meant to wake someone up. As if saying, “This is not a game, you had better listen to me and change your attitude!”
Hopefully spanking will not be necessary because the man and woman should talk things through. Men need to know their wife well enough to determine if spanking is appropriate.
There are some women out there who have no intention of being corrected: such a woman may turn the tables on her husband by claiming abuse or assault. With the amount of injustice to men in the courts, a woman can easily use the police to damage her husband and get him put in jail on false accusations. So a man must be careful about the frame of mind of his wife before using spanking as discipline. It is also widely known that many women fantasize about being raped. When women get into these types of fantasies, it is destructive and not healthy to serious relationships. I think couples need to be very careful not to cross moral lines when playing out fantasies.
A woman who knows her husband is reluctant to use forceful discipline, like spanking, should tell him that she is open to it. Men need reassurance that she will respect his authority. However, if there is a woman who takes too much pleasure in spanking, and maybe uses bad behavior to get a reaction out of her husband, then she is asking for trouble. That sort of foreplay won't last forever and by the time the joy of the fantasy is expended, then they both will likely not take real spanking or discipline seriously. What happens when the husband is serious but she wants nothing to do with his discipline? She can't just say, “Oh I have a headache, not tonight dear” or “You'd better not lay a hand on me, I am not wrong.” Spanking is an establishment of authority and an act of discipline.
Spanking is meant to correct bad behavior, not to encourage it. Use spanking the way it's meant to be, for discipline and not for fantasy. Maybe women should not dwell on the fantasy of being spanked. Instead, appreciate and encourage your husband to communicate authority the best way he knows how. I believe once the woman is respected and knows her place next to her husband's authority, she will want to be held close in his loving arms, in and out of bed. For the loving act of spanking is not a kinky feeling, but a painful reminder on her bottom that the head of the home requires a change, and if words won't get that point across, a strong, caring hand should.