I have found that it is possible for my husband to spank me when he is angry, and yet still be in control. Indeed, one of the most remarkable things about the relationship we have now is the degree of self-control that he possesses; it's a quality I never suspected him of having before. In the past, when he used to lose his temper and rant and rage at me I used to feel utterly miserable, and it was because I had this only half-acknowledged longing for him to be in control, not just of himself but of me too.
Now I find that he can keep his temper even when he is seriously angry about something. The first time he ever spanked me when he was really, really angry about something I felt a sense almost of exultation at realising that, in spite of his anger, he was keeping it under control, and although he was (as he puts it) “taking it out on your bottom” he was totally in command of the situation. I was completely and utterly thrilled by this.
In fact, I think I really prefer him to spank me when he is angry, if he is genuinely angry about something, because then I feel both of us get more out of it. He gets to relieve his anger by thrashing me soundly, and I get that deep sense of peace and pleasure that, no matter how much my bottom is hurting, comes from feeling that he is in command of the situation. I don't actually want him to be angry with me, but if he is, then I want him to able to find release from his anger through spanking me.
If he waits too long after his anger has cooled, it can sometimes have a slightly anti-climactic effect. For instance, he was abroad last week when he found out I had done something he specifically forbade me to do, and he was very angry. Now, if he had been home that day or the day after, I'd have got spanked hard, and I would have felt really, seriously punished. As it was, a week went by before he got home, and although he did spank me, his anger by them had cooled and I didn't get that sense of emotional intensity that I do get when he spanks me when he's angry. The edge had gone off it.
There was an occasion a while ago when he spanked me when he was really pissed off about something, and after giving me twenty extra-hard whacks with the paddle without any warm-up (the most brutal form of spanking) he put the paddle down and said, “I'm not doing any more because I'm too angry, I don't trust myself not to get carried away.” I was grateful for his control, and also rather guiltily intrigued by the thought of what he might do if he did get carried away!
But the thing that has wrought such a change in our relationship is feeling that I can trust him not to get carried away, and to keep control. I can trust him to spank me when he's angry because I know that, along with the anger, the control is there too.