Some possible benefits of taking your wife in hand

One thing I do differently now that my husband is taking me in hand is to give him the respect that he deserves. This is a complete change of attitude for me. I used to be one of the people in the complainer clubs. You know—a bunch of moms together talking badly about the bumbling fools who were their husbands. I think my husband would be shocked to know some of the things I shared about him in these "bit**" sessions. I have stopped doing this. Not out of duty, but out of respect. Also I feel I have little to complain about. I no longer see my husband as the bumbling fool who does these inexplicable things. I no longer roll my eyes at the things he decides to do.

I think one thing I do for him is to always be available for sex now. I do think this is an important part of my husband's wellbeing. I had heard old women talking about this, and I had thought it was absurd. Why would I have sex just because he wanted to? I have learned that it really makes him happy, and I have found that making him happy makes me feel good too. What is different now is that I consider his happiness at all. I never really put much thought into it before.

Being taken in hand has completely changed the way I think about my husband and our marriage. My whole outlook is completely different. I never really considered what he wanted, now I consider what he might or might not like in most of what I do. He does not ask this, but I find myself doing it anyway. It is a big change. It is the opposite of the way we were before. Only now instead of neither of us being happy very much, we are both happy most of the time. Funny how it is working out that way.


Take the Taken In Hand tour


Sexual give and take

None of my three wives has been a complainer. My present wife has always been available for sex, I don't think it has ever crossed her mind to refuse (she likes it frequently, anyway!) Why should she refuse? Simple consideration for one's spouse dictates that one should always try to fall in with his/her desires, if possible. Why get married if something like this is not your intention? Sometimes my wife wants sex when it is not in my own mind. Of course I co-operate, it's always very delicious anyway. As I'm a lot older than her (74) there are occasions when I feel it requires some effort, but refuse? Of course not. I wouldn't dream of it, neither would she.


Why get married?

Hi Malcolm,

What you have sounds very peaceful. You asked, “Simple consideration for one's spouse dictates that one should always try to fall in with his/her desires, if possible. Why get married if something like this is not your intention?”

It is a good question. It was one we never really considered quite that way. Marriage for me was not about making him happy. It was about finding someone you loved and trying to forge a life together, with kids and responsibilities. Doing the little things that make one another happy seems obvious, but it was not the basis for us getting married. I think we just thought that if we were compatible and loved each other we could get our way through life and that happiness would automatically come to us. We were not naive enough to think "happily ever after" but we did not really understand what we needed to do to be happy as a couple. We are learning, even if we were late to start!

Take care,


Yes, I now respect Q more than ever before. I would often find myself in the same type of groups of 'husband bashing' women. However, I didn't really participate—just listened, and occasionally laughed. I guess I always just loved and respected Q too much.

But the being available for sex, I never did. If I didn't want to, that was the end of it. Now, I do make myself totally available to him at all times.

And with being Taken In Hand, I now consider what Q wants as well, and I find myself respecting and loving him more deeply with each day—even after 20 years of a great marraige. Taken In Hand has enhanced everything.