SM / D/s / BDSM in a Taken In Hand relationship?

SM / D/s / BDSM in a Taken In Hand relationship?

If you are gagging, suspending and bullwhipping your wife, does that mean that your relationship can't be a Taken In Hand one?

If you are a woman who sometimes kneels before your man and reflexively submits to him, can your relationship still be classed as a Taken In Hand one, or are we now talking D/s or M/s?

If you have a closet full of BDSM paraphernalia or a dog cage in your bedroom (but you don't own a dog), can your relationship be a Taken In Hand one?

Actually, yes, it might well be a Taken In Hand relationship.

There are many readers whose skin would crawl at the idea of some of the hardcore sadomasochistic practices some Taken In Hand folk employ, and there are other readers who disapprove of the use of any physical techniques of control at all, even spanking. However, despite what some readers might think, there are many couples in loving, considerately and consensually male-led, male-dominated, male-controlled (and thus Taken In Hand) relationships, who engage in all sorts of shocking sadomasochistic practices and overt control and submission.

Some think of this merely as sexual play; but for others, such activity develops as an inherent part of the control they both desire. On the Taken In Hand site, we focus on the psychology of control, and on issues pertaining to relationships, rather than on particular details of how the man maintains control, or what form his dominance or leadership takes. That is because Taken In Hand is not a sex site but a site about the underlying dynamics of male-led relationships. It is also because the underlying dynamics are present in a much wider range of relationships than those involving BDSM-style physical techniques. For example, you won't find any hint of bondage or whipping or in books like Laura Doyle's The Surrendered Wife or your average romance novel. But many of those who read these books have Taken In Hand inclinations, whether or not they like the idea of any particular techniques. Techniques are about form; this site is about the underlying substance.

But what determines whether or not a relationship is a Taken In Hand one is nothing to do with whether or not this practice or that is used. Those things are an individual matter. It is about whether or not the relationship is male-led because both the man and the woman prefer that, and it is about whether or not the relationship is psychologically healthy and fulfilling for both persons—the husband in a Taken In Hand relationship puts his wife and relationship first. And it is about sexually-exclusive, long-term, monogamous relationships, as opposed to “open marriages” or relationships in which one or both partners are sexually-intimate with others, or casual sex.

On this site, we value privacy and a certain modesty. There are many sites that clearly welcome exhibitionistic posts giving every last detail of posters' sexual adventures. This is not such a site. But although you won't see posts about BDSM sexual practices, there is a lot of sex happening in Taken In Hand homes, including, in some cases, hardcore BDSM.

Why do we ask readers not to post sex posts? Partly, it is a matter of taste. Many readers do find BDSM literature a bit repulsive rather than erotic. Many readers of this site strongly prefer not to read or post exhibitionistic material, and exhibitionism is huge in BDSM culture. We get many complaints whenever anything exhibitionistic does get onto the site. The other reason is that we are trying to keep the site focused on the relationship and the psychology. Blow-by-blow accounts of last night's hardcore BDSM sex would encourage further such posts and before you know it Taken In Hand would have become a sex site.

I hope this reassures all those who have asked or wondered if their relationship can be Taken In Hand if they employ BDSM techniques or play.

The Editor

Taken In Hand Tour start | next

Comments

No Impact Until Now?

I must have read this article about a dozen times. Periodically I review the "zero comment" articles to see if I can gain some new insight to something relating to my personal life. This time I read a sentence that up until now seems to have eluded me; the one that says "Taken In Hand is not a sex site but a site about the underlying dynamics of male-led relationships".

HOGWASH! The "underlying dynamics of male-led relationships" is *all* about sex, the irresistable erotic undercurrent, even if sex is impossible for whatever reason.

An extract from one sentence reads; "it is about sexually-exclusive, long-term, monogamous relationships". Some may disagree, but I call that quality erotica. In my not-so-humble opinion, it doesn't get any better than that.

KrosRogue