We have just begun our Taken In Hand relationship, my wife and I. She doesn't yet know she's in a Taken In Hand relationship. We've been married for over six years. And I can only describe our existence together until now as annoying! In a lot of respects I am a traditionalist. And she is too. We have both had our internal struggles regarding the roles of men and women in society and marriage. And our struggles—due to societal pressures—have caused us quite a bit of trouble.
That part of me that desires to be distinctly male and masculine has always been met with society's pressure to be soft and gentle and tender. I can be all of those things—and have been—and even enjoy being them. The problem is that the assertive, aggressive problem-solving part of me, that is, the real and true me—has no place to express itself when problems arose in our marriage. It seems I couldn't get my wife to comply with my requests—no matter how many times I made a particular request gently and sweetly and lovingly—until I raised my voice!
She would then feel bad for forgetting and I would feel bad for yelling. We would both hibernate until we could effectively and emotionally sweep the unsolved issue under the rug. Sometimes we would be gone for a day or more. This facilitated growing resentment. She was an expert at walking over the humps in the rug—seemingly without feeling a thing. And my emotional feet were sensitive. I couldn't take a single step without feeling the slightest discomfort from unsolved pebbles.
The part of her that desires to be distinctly female and feminine has been met with the same kind of pressure for independence and aggressiveness (as opposed to assertiveness: an excellent trait). The imposition has caused her confusion and lots self-esteem issues. And too many a time she wondered out loud, often and seriously, “Why do you love me?” Boy oh boy what a mountain to climb!
Well, just as I was about to become resigned to the fact that this was the way it was going to be for the rest of my life (I convinced myself that most if not all marriages are probably this way), I stumbled upon your website. I was looking for something on self-discipline and as I search I was eventually wallowing in the myriad of spanking sites on the internet.
My wife had asked me to spank her about a year ago so that was running through my mind as I surfed. But when I spanked her last year it was so against the grain of everything that I had been taught at home and in society, that I was very uncomfortable with it. Yet I was intrigued—and excited at these images. But I confess this stuff was much too strong for me. I love my wife and I didn't want her to lose herself. Result: the spanking thing ceased to be exciting for me because it seemed to me that it would be emotionally injurious to her.
But when I stumbled upon Taken In Hand I learned that I could (and should—and I do) love, cherish, respect and lead my wife and yet still give her the female charge she needed from a spanking while paradoxically receiving the male charge I needed.
One night we were sitting in the den. I had been hanging around your sight for a couple weeks. I was beginning to again appreciate my masculinity. I'd wanted to make a move on the first day but was a little too nervous. But this day— all of sudden—I heard myself saying, “———, come over here” with a firm gentleness. I had her stand next to me as I sat on the sofa, and made it clear that I was going to spank her. I had her lay across my knees with her bare behind exposed. With shock (and excitement) she obediently (submissively) complied.
But it wasn't just her behind that was exposed. It was also her heart. And I considered it the greatest gift that a woman could give to her man. And that's exactly what I told her. And as I gently caressed her “heart” I told her how much I love her. I told her how much I cherish her. I told her how much protecting her heart was a privilege and that this deep exposure of her inner being would be protected for life and at all costs. I let her know that it has brought out the man in me and my desire is to protect the woman in her. And I meant and still mean every word of it.
After warming her up I proceeded to assert my authority as lover, leader and head of our household. I told her, “You are under new management.” To my surprise she said, “I like that!” She turned to face me and gave me the biggest, warmest, most connecting hug we had shared in a long, long time. The rest of that night is history a blind man can see!
It's been 6 weeks or so since we began a Taken In Hand relationship. We have not made any rules. But I have had to put my hand over her “heart” a couple of times a week. Both sexual excitement, connection and love; and because (we both agreed) she had disappointed me about something.
Prior to having this outlet for my natural masculine assertiveness, I would have been ticked off about every little thing. The pebbles that went under the rug prior to this aren't really pebbles anymore! They just don't seem as big as they used to. They are not spank-worthy. I think it would have been a mistake for me to make a bunch of rules spawned by these little things. I cherish and value her freedom. She respects and submits to my authority.
I am leaving Taken In Hand in the history on our computer hoping that one day she will stumble upon it. I'm curious as to how far she wants to go. It would seem odd for a man to introduce this style of love. But, I think, if we went no farther than where we are—we're doing OK. Darned OK!