Setting the record straight about punishment spanking

I often see posts from people in the DD community saying things like “punishment spankings are feared and dreaded and in no way erotic” and “there is never any sex after a true punishment spanking” and the like. One of the differences between DD and Taken In Hand is that DD people are urged to take care to separate so-called “erotic” spankings from “real punishment spankings”. D/s people often advocate withdrawing affection or sex as a form of punishment, another thing that is definitely not advocated in Taken In Hand relationships. And both D/s and DD people often stress the need for the man never to spank in anger.

This might work for some people, but personally I only find spankings erotic if they are for punishment, I do not find purely “erotic” spankings erotic at all. If they are purely for enjoyment then I don't really enjoy them.

I tend to get punished for anything that my husband is annoyed by. The more annoyed he is the more soundly I tend to get spanked, but it isn't generally anything very drastic. Usually it's something like me having let the children do something he's said they're not to, or me forgetting to do something I'm supposed to. or it might be rudeness or sulkiness or disobedience. And he generally spanks me when he's still angry, otherwise much of the point of the spanking would be lost. If he waited until his anger had passed, then there wouldn't be a lot of point in him spanking me, since getting rid of his anger is one of the main reasons for the spanking.

And my husband will certainly have sex with me afterwards if he feels like it—it would never occur to him not to. I tend to be feeling very submissive, and therefore very sexy after I am spanked, and he is usually happy to take advantage of that. When he as sex with me I feel he is asserting his dominance over me, just as he is when he spanks me, and I love that. I would hate it if I thought he was deliberately withholding sex from me as some sort of punishment. That would tend to create barriers rather than bring them down.

However, there is no way he would ever sooth my bottom after spanking it, he tends to make me lie on it afterwards, and he also likes to squeeze it and scratch it in order to increase the pain, he doesn't think I should get any pain relief!

Louise C

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Punishment spankings and sexuality are all bound up together

Good article. For me too, punishment spankings and sexuality are all bound up together. I'm the same way as your husband: if I wasn't mad, I wouldn't use the strop! And the act of stropping almost always leads to sex.

Yes, I agree

In a general way, I find all spankings erotic, but absolutely much more so if they are for discipline. The challenge (LOL) for me is that I can often avoid earning one. I'm basically a pretty good girl, too much so sometimes I guess. So, having a pretty strong spanking itch, I've encouraged my husband to consider maintenance, pre-emptive and other non cause-effect spankings. I refuse to intentionally disobey him just to get a walloping; it would be too much like playing a game that way. And like Louise, if I know he's also getting something out of it, the sting is all the sweeter.

I feel the same way, Lucy. My

I feel the same way, Lucy. My husband doesn't get angry easily and I hate it when he's upset with me. I wouldn't want to provoke him into spanking me. There seems to be something dishonest about that. I'd much rather have him do it just to assert himself.

Being good

Being too good has never been a problem for me. It is a very rare day that goes by without there being some reason for my husband to want to spank me, even though it can be something that was entirely unintentional on my part. As with the somewhat one-sided conversation we had a few days ago—"I'll teach you to tell people on Taken In Hand that I'm afraid of spiders!"

However good I may intend to be, there always seems to be SOMETHING.


parent-child vs. husband-wife

Although discipline spankings are the most satisfying, and although my husband has overcome any initial issues he had with "hitting" me, I think sometimes he still equates spanking as punishment too much like a what could occur in a parent-child relationship. He would never think a child deserving of a hard bare-bottom paddling for something as simple as using a disrespectful tone or other seeming minor infraction. He was spanked as a child and I have a feeling he remembers those punishments as being for major things and probably as a last resort. And none, I believe, were bare bottom. So, his knee-jerk reaction is to apply the same gauge to spanking me. Let's face it, spanking your wife for ANY offense is generally considered absurd, let alone for something minor. Long story short, we're working through this and trying to view spanking as for discipline as more of a symbol of his authority that he can demonstrate at will, not necessarily directly related to a specific "crime."

A quandary

This is a quandary I have. I love the just spanked feeling I get after a strong and long punishment feeling. I generally feel all warm, cuddly, submissive and very much in love. Almost like love is in the early days. I walk around on a high for a few days and there is nothing I won’t do for him.

I don’t really quite get this feeling with any other type of spanking. (erotic, maintenance, stress relief, requested). My husband is really very laid back so doesn’t very often get cross enough to want to spank me. So where does this leave me?

I can either brat to get a spanking which I don’t want to do because I do not see this as productive for our relationship and it is manipulative or I can just accept that I am not going to get punishment spankings. Then I don’t get that lovely warm feeling I was talking about earlier. As I say it’s a quandary that I don’t think has a solution and a situation that I am going to have to learn to accept.


A quandry / reply

Dear Sully,

My husband is really laid back too. I wanted him to spank me more often, longer, and harder so I just told him after he had just spanked me and we while we were cuddling that I enjoy it when he is a brute and the more he spanks me the more desirable he becomes in my eyes.

I told him I would obey him and never disrespect him if he gave me a daily preemptive spanking. He liked the way I behaved after a spanking too. He also enjoyed spanking me and giving me a taste of his authority so after much working out what number of strokes and how hard they should be to fully satisfy me, we arrived at about 100 from a corporal ruler leather paddle from thelondontanner and forty swats with the leather loopy johnny from the londontanner also.

Wow, they keep my bottom feeling sore and my attitude quite submissive. Of course if I do something to displease him he gives me a punishment spanking on top of the daily one and owwww! since my bottom is already very sore it really is a good deterent to keep my promise to behave!

I am a happy wife with a warm tail and a sweet spirit. You'll have to work out the number and type of punishment you need to keep you and him happy. My husband is very satisfied with our life and marriage now.


Hi Teri

Thanks for your advice and thoughts.

We've tried the daily and maintenance spanking route and it doesn't give me the same thrill. In fact I end up being a bit resentful. There needs to be a reason for me to be spanked for it to have the full effect.

We still have spankings that I initiate and some that I playfully minx for on a regular basis. It is like many things in a relationship Taken In Hand waxes and wanes sometimes he is quite full on and other times it is almost like he has forgotten all about it.

This does not come naturally to him and I am grateful and appreciate that he is trying as hard as he is. It is what it is now, and we will see where it goes. When we are full on he is at his happiest but it is an effort for him to sustain it in the same way that it was an effort for me to try to be actively submissive.

We go with the flow now and I believe, over all, we are much happier than trying to both be something that we are clearly not.


To share love

From the other comments on this article one can tell that there are not many ladies who wish to disobey their husbands or to intentionally earn a punishment spanking. I too feel a great desire to please my man.

My man never spanks in anger. In fact I have never seen him angry with me, believe it or not.

Making love is neither out of the question after a punishment spanking, nor a necessary consequence thereof. The main purpose of spankings from my gentleman, whether they are as punishment, play, motivation or arousal is always the same—to share love. He by giving me what I need to thrive and I by accepting it graciously.

I differ

I know people won't agree with me but I think either spanking is erotic and religious and other people who say it's because God says so or it's proper punishment etc are just conning themselves whilst getting aroused, or else it's abusive.

I don't think adults need to punish other adults ever if they love each other. We're beyond that. Good communication is a better method. Happy to be spanked for his sexual pleasure of course... a very different thing.

hmmm. I'm not always physica

hmmm. I'm not always physically aroused by punishment. And sex doesn't always follow it. In fact when sex happens or doesn't happen seems to have very little bearing on punishment or vice versa actually.

But I also do not believe that I'm in any way being abused. Some people really want another person to control and punish them when they disobey. My being an adult has nothing to do with it. Love has nothing to do with it. That my husband and I love each other is a given.

Good communication and spanking

Well, communication has improved greatly between my husband and me since we started Taken In Hand, and spanking is one method of communication that we find very satisfactory.

If my husband is annoyed with me (a not infrequent occurence) giving me a good walloping definitely does give him satisfaction, and me too. The angrier he is then the more satisfaction he gets out of it, and so do I.

Spanking for sexual pleasure was always something he did more to please me than to please himself, but spanking for punishment is often as much or more about pleasing him. In fact, the more he is thinking of punishing me rather than pleasing me, the more pleasure I get out of it. The thrill I got when one day he said to me after giving me a particulary vigorous walloping "I really needed to do that" was intense, and still is whenever I think of it. Being spanked purely for pleasure is something I find rather dull by comparision.


We spank because it is what h

We spank because it is what he wants. My man finds spanking me a great thrill and it is never about me acting up. He spanks for connection. He spanks to demonstrate his control of me. He usually makes me cry because the pain makes me angry and this releases my frustrations. I would never act up to recieve a spanking as I find the actual spanking to be quite painful and could do without it. I only find satisfaction in the breaking down of my emotions and the closeness afterwards that is shared. If he didn't make love to me afterwards this would be hard for me to deal with. It doesn't matter if it is a continuation of his physical control and is delivered roughly or if it is gentle and tender but I need that connection with him.

Thank you Precious Baby

Thank you Precious Baby, for your comment above. While I mean no offense to the many others on this site who desire to be spanked, I appreciate hearing from a woman who is taken in hand that includes discipline spanking yet "could do without it." You see, I have a taken in hand relationship with my wife that involves discipline spankings. Yet just as you described, my wife does not act up to receive spankings and, if asked, would likely also say that she could do without them. However, despite this, her mood, attitude and behaviors clearly benefit from them, as does our relationship. For example, because of this control/power dynamic (a few simple rules, the threat of discipline, my evident concern for her well-being, etc.), she feels more cared for, I feel more in control, she feels more loved, I focus more on her positive qualities than any annoyances, she sees me as being more masculine/exciting/etc. The net of it is that we are more connected and attracted to each other than we have been in years. It is clear that this is working for us.

But I digress. With respect specifically to discipline spanking, much as you stated, we do it because I want to and believe it to be helpful to us both. I find it allows me to more easily ignore petty annoyances and focus on the positive. And knowing my responsibility as head of house forces me to keep my wife's best interests and needs in mind. Keeping that focus allows me to not have to be concerned about minor things because we both know I have the final say and can exercise my authority, as needed and when appropriate of course.

As for my wife, and as is merely human, none of us always does what is best for us. In particular, she has difficulty with self-discipline which oftentimes causes her to not follow through on things she should or has previously committed to. Note that I'm talking about important things such as healthy eating, reasonable amount of exercise, getting to bed at a decent hour, putting her own needs at least equal to if not ahead of others' (she tends towards the opposite), etc., as well as a few things that we have agreed are important to our relationship such as showing me reasonable levels of respect and affection. If these things slip or are not attended to, then we address it. Wishing to avoid this is generally motivation enough for her.

And when she has needed to be corrected, while willingly going along with something that she would rather not do, she has blossomed. She says the spankings don’t bring us closer together. However, her attitude and behavior say otherwise. She becomes calmer, more willing to please, less likely to present excuses, etc. It’s like we break through all the mental walls and bullshit and get back to the truth.

Further, as indicated above, because she wishes to avoid spankings in the first place, she does better at self-discipline and lives a better life, both in her own right and as a wife.

Okay, by now you may be wondering why I’m writing all this. It’s simple. Your comment struck a chord with me as sounding more like my situation with my wife than do many of the other comments from wives who seem to derive more direct pleasure from being spanked. As such, I guess all I’m asking is that you continue to post your thoughts, feelings, comments and experiences so that my wife and I can hopefully benefit from them.

And thanks again to everyone who has posted on this site. We may all have somewhat different feelings, motivations, actions, and needs, but we all benefit from the open discussion of them.

How can something bring you closer together if you really hate i

What I always find very mysterious about the business of avoidance of spanking being a motivation is, why would anyone need the threat of a spanking to do something that they really believed was the right thing to do?

I mean, if you believe that healthy eating and exercise are good for you, why do you need the threat of spanking to do those things? Surely either you believe in doing those things, or you don't?

My husband does tend to get pissed off if I stay up late after he's gone to bed, so I don't do that (the one time I stayed up late because I was doing my emails, he made his displeasure very clear). But it's not wanting to irritate him that is the motivation rather than the threat of a spanking, which I don't mind in any case.

I mean, either doing something because it's something you think is good for you (as with the healthy eating etc if you really believe in that stuff), or not wanting to displease your spouse (as with not staying up late when he's gone to bed), these I can understand as motivations. But doing something because you're scared you'll get spanked if you don't—that I don't get at all. If I was genuinely fearful of being spanked then I cannot see how it could be anything but a barrier between my husband and me, and like your wife I certainly wouldn't feel as if it had brought us closer together. How can something bring you closer together if you really hate it?


bringing you closer together.

If your wife says that spanking doesn't bring you closer together I don't understand why you still wish to spank her.
Just because she has what you consider to be a better attitude that does not necessarily mean you are closer. It may just mean she is behaving to avoid another spanking. You really do need to be careful as she may end up resenting you and I cannot see how that will be good for your relationship at all.


Thank you for your kind comme

Thank you for your kind comments. I do feel as though I am a loner on this site because of the fact that it was my man who wanted a Taken In Hand relationship as opposed to me wanting it. I do still struggle with it and spanking is one of those areas.

So why do I do it? Well it is simple really--it is because he wants it and needs to do it, and as you have said, this makes us different from most of the other posters. I do it because I love him and I desire to make him happy! I do it because he is worth it to me!

He is adamant about being in charge! He contends that not only does he have to be in control of our relationship but it is a need. I was very struck by that thought because what do men do when it is them that want a Taken In Hand relationship? And how do they convince the woman they are madly in love with to give it to them? I tell you what-- it is not a simple process for them as my man can attest to! He had to prove that he was worth it before I could come on board!

He introduced me to this site to open me up to the idea and I come here to seek knowledge, bounce around ideas, and mostly because there just is not anywhere else to go. Not that has these dynamics in place.

Do I hate getting spanked? I believe a more appropriate word would be dread. I dread getting spanked! Sometimes more than at others-- depending on circumstances! This is a tricky one because in a sense I would say yes I do because I dread the pain! And the pain I feel makes me angry! So to get past that frustration he has to break me down and make me cry! I also dread what it means to get spanked! I am in charge of many projects and have many people depending on my leadership and who in there right mind would ever again take me seriously if they knew that I allowed myself to be spanked. But, and here is the tricky--it does make us more connected to each other and our sex life soars as a result! I am still perplexed as to why but non-the-less it does, and that is what I love!

As far as punishment spankings go they only happen rarely and it is usually to diffuse an argument run amuck! He eases the tension between us by spanking me and therefore releases our anxieties by allowing him to vent and allowing me to release emotions. These times are hard for me because I sometimes feel that it is unfair that I get spanked over an argument that we both created. In these times he is very attentive to me! He validates my feelings and admits his faults but gently reminds me that it is he who is in charge and he will decide how to end the tensions between us! He spanks much more for connection than for punishment. They feel as painful as a punishment spanking but without the feeling of I did something wrong.

My man doesn't try to change my behaviors so changing my behavior to avoid a spanking is not to much concern but maybe if I needed help in certain areas he might voice opinion then. I am only able to consume small amounts of alcohol before it affects me and he does let it be known that he does not like it if I indulge to much. I rarely drink so it is not really a factor. I do find it interesting though that I now consider my thoughts and actions and his interpretation of them more carefully whereas before I would be more inclined to do what I wanted and assume he was fine with it. I was concerned in the beginning (and somewhat still) that when I agreed to try a Taken In Hand relationship that he might try to make me change but he makes no expectations and loves the way that I am. He says if there is something he needs or wants he will assume responsibility and just take it or make me do it!

I don't know why some posters find it strange that I would submit to a spanking if I would rather not. I am, after all, in a Taken In Hand relationship! It is what he wants and needs, and more importantly, it is what he is deserving of having.

So there you have it! He proved his worth and I am giving it a go. So far it has been bliss!

Finding it strange

Well, I found the whole concept of Taken In Hand pretty strange when I discovered it, and I still do. That it seems to work for me is even stranger.

The spanking thing is very personal to me, and I am apt to recoil somewhat when I read of women putting up with being spanked when they hate it, because I have always found being spanked very sexy and romantic, and therefore am somewhat appalled by the idea of a woman submitting to it when she hates it. However, you evidently find the results worth enduring the experience, which is good.

I hope your husband appreciates how lucky he is, many women (me for instance) would find it impossible to submit to a physical experience that they really dreaded. there is absolutey no way I could endure being spanked if I felt about it the way you do.


Finding it strange?

Louise, thank you for your comment. Yes, he is very appreciative of me. He calls me his Precious Baby and treats me as such. He tells me often what a precious gift I have given him.

I also, am very lucky to have a man who has taken such care in making sure that I feel safe, and loved, and validated by him. He wanted something but put me first in his quest to getting it. I love him so much for that!

I am however, a little confused by your recoiling comment. Are you not the same Louise C. that posted on Don't forget your whip that " I don't feel ecstatic while it's happening, I just feel pure pain. I absolutely hate it, and yet I would be disappointed if my husband stopped before he decided I'd had enough." "Anything is better than having him go back and start again. I know I want him to do it, I know I need him to do it, but I don't feel ecstacy while he is doing it, anything but."?

It sounds similar to what I am describing! It is the after-effect that I find happiness with. The exhaustion of my emotions and his authority well established that brings my romantic feelings out.

You say that you could not endure being spanked in the manner I have described but your posting on the other article states otherwise. It is an older posting so I assume your experience has changed over time? If so, then maybe mine will as well. We have been together for three and a half yrs. and have been initiating Taken In Hand principles for two and half of those.

Only time will tell!

Precious Baby


Well, I 'hate' the pain while it is happening, but I feel no sense of dread beforehand, only mild apprehension. And although I may squirm and wriggle and plead with my husband to stop, I know that if he did stop I would be very disappointed. I never actually feel I want to AVOID getting spanked. Spanking is something I definitely WANT him to do to me, and if I go more than a couple of days without being spanked while he is at home, I tend to start to feel quite frustrated. if he's away it's okay, because it tends to be his physical presence that makes me desire spanking, among other things. I can manage all right without when I'm on my own.

But anyway, spanking is something I have a definite craving for, I want it, and I could never say I dreaded it, or that it was something I wished to avoid, because I don't want to avoid it. Ever. I mean, generally my husband spanks me when he feels like it, and I prefer it when he initiates it himself, but if I am being mildly provoking as I sometimes am, and he looks me in the eye and says sternly "Do you want a spanking?" I always feel obliged to give a truthful answer, which is "Yes." I have always felt that the God of Spanking, who has always been jolly decent to me, requires that I be honest on this subject.

I have no physical courage at all, and a very low pain threshold in general (nothing would induce me to go through childbirth without anaesthetics for instance, as some women have written on here about doing), so my own craving for spanking is a complete mystery to me. Why someone who is extremely cowardly about pain in general should have an almost insatiable hunger for this particular kind of pain, I have no idea. It's one of life's many msyteries.


Thank you for your reply, Pre

Thank you for your reply, Precious Baby. And thank you for recognizing the difficulty in being a man introducting a taken in hand relationship. I've read comments by others that seemed to imply that it should be easy and if not then the man is just not cut out for it. Yet in my view, there are considerable responsiblities and a great many considerations that go with that role. So as much as I feel right in the role, it is still a bit of work at times.

And kudos to you for your willingness to do what your man says he wants and needs. And let me say that I applaud it (compromise for the sake of our partner and the relationship is a part of a long-term successful relationship) and presume (without seeking your confirmation) that you do so with the knowledge or belief that it will be for the greater good. And in that sense, you have chosen to participate (consented) and are not in any way being forced.

Lastly, I am glad to hear that you are enjoying this newfound arrangement and all the benefits that you mention are flowing from it. So, keep posting your thoughts, experiences and any ideas or suggestions you may have so we can all benefit from them. I, for one, look forward to reading more from you!

Good communication and spanking

I agree with you Louise, a spanking is always more pleasurable if it is for your husband's pleasure rather than your own! I also liked where you said in your earlier post that after a spanking your husband will sometimes make you lie in it or squeeze it, to make the pain continue. A little sadism in a man has always filled me with awe!

A little sadism

I totally agree with you about alittle sadism in a man being a good thing (if you are that way inclined).

However, many people in DD relationships are genuinely appalled by this idea. When, a while ago, I mentioned on a DD site I belong to that I get a kick out of the fact that my husband enojoys spanking me when he is annoyed with me, most people were horrified. They were adamant that they much prefer that their husbands should hate spanking them, only do it with reluctance etc. I felt quite at sea, my own viewpoint being totally the opposite of that.


This article speaks from my heart

This article speaks from my heart (except for the remarks on D/s in the beginning).

In response to Louise, surely

In response to Louise, surely you understand that although one may believe in doing something, that doesn't guarantee actually doing it. As humans, we all know lots of things are better for us, and we completely agree with and believe in them, yet regularly fail to do those very things. And when some of those are things one really wants to do but fails to follow through on (e.g., due to laziness, poor time management, forgetfulness, temptations, whatever), surely you can see the benefit of having some consequence in not doing so.

In response to Sully, I see your logic. However, there is a link that is missing in that logic. It's not the spanking itself that brings the closeness. It's the attitude, actions and viewpoint I have towards my wife, due to being the one in control and having the ability to exert my authority and the attitude, actions and viewpoint my wife has towards me, due to her feeling cared for and supported and held accountable, that make us feel closer. So it's not just behaving better to avoid a spanking. And it's not just me going around threatening her with a spanking. It's our whole set of expectations, viewpoints, commitments, attitudes, behaviors, etc., that make us feel closer. Hope that better clarifies what I was trying to convey earlier.


Well, when it comes to exercise and 'healthy eating', I would have thought that the consequence of being less healthy (if you really believe that will be the consequence)would be motivation enough for keeping up with the exercise and eating whatever it is that healthy eaters eat. "I will do exercise because it is good for me and will keep me fit" "I will eat healthy foods because they will keep me healthier" rather than "if I don't eat this or do this exercise I'll get spanked." Those type of things I would have thought required belief in their effectiveness to make them doable, certainly one would have to have a sincere belief in the benefits of health foods to keep on eating them. No amount of spanking would make me eat them, I can tell you.

And with the going to bed thing, if my husband says to me "Come to bed" then I come because I know he wants me to, and I get a pleasurable thrill out of obeying him. I don't go because I'm afraid of being spanked, because I'm not afraid. Fear of punishment has always seemed to me a very poor reason for doing, or not doing, anything that is to do with a personal relationship. I used to be afraid of my husband getting angry and shouting at me when I did things he didn't like, but the fear never made me want to be co-operative with him, it is the lessening of fear that has produced that result in me. However, your wife is obviously different, and evidently responds well to fear. It's the psychology of the individual.


Wow! Great posts

Frankly, I want to dread a discipline spanking. I thought that was part of the point. I want the corrective love that my husband is free to exert over me. If I looked forward to it, it wouldn't be discipline. I don't think discipline is supposed to be comfortable.

I guess it goes to show that all of us came to this in different ways and with different expectations. I can see the importance of making this personal and not cookie cutter.

One day, I know, my husband is going to not hold back any longer. He still does a little, but hey, we've only been doing this a month. More and more I can feel that he is studying me. He is studying what I can handle, how it changes me, how I respond to him. He studies how long it takes me to respond in that melting way.

My husband told me he now has hope. Do you know how crushing it is to me that he had lost it? Here I thought we had a great marriage and I didn't even know what I was doing to him or how I was making him feel.

He's a strong man. He's athletic and good looking and incredibly intelligent. He's a professional and a great provider. He has the respect of countless people for his degree of integrity. He is known as an amazing and patient father, and not a few women have commented that they wish they could have a husband like him.

Now he's the boss, and I want him to be. I don't want to be a 'slave', but I do want to be controlled. I want to be spanked to tears and beyond. I want to dread it enough that it has transforming power over me. To me, that's the point of the matter...restoration and change.

For certain, I do NOT want to drive this thing. I don't want to tell him "I think you should have spanked me for that". I want it to be his own thing so he knows he never has to live the way he was living before. I want him to feel just like he should and a strong, competant, and in control masculine man.


Change and dread

For me, it's not about change, except in the short term. It's about making my husband feel better when he's pissed off with me about something 'taking it out on your bottom' as he puts it, does him a lot of good, and makes us both feel better. It 'restores the connection' as Frank Nelson puts it, and makes us feel closer together if there has been any tension between us. My husband doesn't expect to make any permanent change in mew by spanking me, because he knows that my character is not going to change completely. He knows I am still going to be sulky, difficult, absent-minded or disobedient at times, and he expects that. Perfection is not on offer.

Somebody on another site I think, suggested that there is a difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment(in the context of a consensual adult relationship) is given for some offence committed and makes both participants feel better. 'Discipline' is given with the intention of causing some long-term behaviour change and ultimately eliminating whatever behaviour the personis being spanked for. In that context, what I get is generally punishment rather than discipline, and I most certainly do look forward to it. I adore being spanked when my husband is really annoyed with me about something and puts real vigour into it, the more I feel he means it, the more I love it.

Dread is something I have sometimes felt when he was really angry with me and shouting at me about something, I have felt sick with fear at such times, and it wasn't at all an agreeable sensation. it is not something I wish to ever experience again.


Dreading it

I think many of us want to dread a spanking, but that just never happens because it's a turn-on at the same time, no matter how intense. At the same time, there are many men like my husband, who, no matter how much they are told otherwise by their wives, would just feel abusive if they spanked her to tears. My husband can deliver a good walloping, but doesn't care to see marks the next day. He's a fine leader in our family but spanking me as discipline isn't something that comes naturally to him, though he's made great efforts to meet my needs for it. They will just never be HIS needs, no matter how much I might wish for it.

Every relationship and man is different. If there's one thing I've learned it's that it's one thing to relate to the women, stories, etc. on sites like this. It's something different to wish/hope/expect your spouse to precisely fill a role as described in many Taken In Hand posts. You make the best of what you have and go from there. Or so that's how it's been for me.



I enjoy a good spanking when I am being rewarded for soemthing good. But when I have done wrong, I cannot shake the feeling that is in my heart...I have disappointed him :( and when I get that spanking for being bad, I will cry because my heart is breaking for acting up.
I do not see how anyone gets pleasure out of disappointing their husband/Sir.

My 2cents

But I have grown since then and do not get spankings for being bad.. I get them for being good and being a wife and adult


You seem to have misunderstood this article. Nobody is suggesting that it is a good thing to disappoint your spouse. However, most rational men are not 'disappointed' simply because their wives occasionally get bad tempered, irritable, show signs of defiance etc. And if a man is naturally dominant by inclination, he will enjoy exercising his authority and bringing his wife back into line.

It is the fact of having your man exercise his dominance and authority to take control that is pleasurable, if you are the kind of woman who takes pleasure in that kind of thing. Speaking for myself, spanking as a manifestation of my husband's dominance/control/authority etc is sexy and exciting, and it helps to bring us closer together. Spanking as a 'reward' is an idea that does nothing for me at all, and in fact appalls me, since I find being spanked extremely painful, and in no way can think of it as a 'reward'.

A man who wants a woman to be always placid and docile, and never in need of any display of his dominance or authority, may still be a very nice man, but he's not, to my way of thinking, a Taken In Hand sort of man. I see a Taken In Hand man as a type who enjoys exerting himself from time to time to reestablish his authority. And who isn't 'disappointed' when he has to do this.

The idea that my husband should be 'disappointed' every time I show a flash of spirit, or that I should be heartbroken every time he feels the need to remind me "who's master" as he puts it, strikes me as frankly absurd.