When I finally met my husband, we had had an internet/phone relationship for about eight months, the last three focused on a permanent relationship. I knew we had several things in common: a first marriage disaster, a strong dedication to family life, and a similar belief system and lifestyle. But, would he be the one?
In the ten years since my divorce, I had had plenty of time to think about what I was looking for in a husband. I had read this website and dreamed of finding a Taken in Hand man. I knew wanted a man to take care of me, but I was a strong-willed, overachieving single mom. How in the world could I get from point A to point B? How would I even know how to react if I met such a man? I had spent so much time being the head of the household, I might even react as if someone had stolen my job! (And yes, to skip ahead, that’s exactly how I reacted. To hear me yell, you would have thought I actually wanted to keep the job!)
The first night we were alone together, we sat talking quietly on a couch. When I recounted my suffering with men, his reaction was, ”So, I’m basically the exact opposite.” In the wee hours, he kissed my forehead and gently ordered me to sleep, because otherwise I’d be tired in the morning. As I drifted off, I wondered about this confident, strong man who seemed to think so highly of himself. Did he have anything to back it up, or was it just talk?
The next night, we got a little closer physically. I decided not to be the ”sex police”, since we both knew that our religious beliefs do not include sexual activity before marriage. I just let myself melt into his arms and relax as we talked. After a while, he started kissing my ear, and my whole body reacted. I wondered how the evening would end. Would I be disappointed? Would he be an immature boy-man who would try to steal home base? Would I have to step in as a mom-woman and control the situation? Honestly, it’s what I expected. And if that happened, I would fly home and stay single.
But no. From my ear, he moved along and started kissing my neck, first softly and then intently. He held me tightly and, finally, I turned my head in an effort to get away from the intense feelings. And that’s when it happened.
Most men, I imagine, would have politely stopped, since I was pulling away. After all, we had just met. Most would at least have asked me if I was OK. But he didn’t. As I squirmed and turned my neck, he readjusted his grip, held me a little closer, and started kissing the other side! I was not getting away! In a few minutes, when I had given up all ideas of escape, and when I realized that if he had wanted to take me sexually, I could not have resisted (because of what was happening in me, not physical force on his part), he gently stopped and sat up again, smiling down at me. He didn’t go any further physically. He was true to my trust.
As we talked a little more that night, he told me there was one thing he wanted me to know. It was that, yes, he believed that men and women were equal, and that women were very capable. But, in his own home, he would wear the pants. There would only be one; the other one would wear the skirt. He would take care of me, not the other way around. This is how he wanted it.
I found myself in a strange position. For years, I had been rehearsing how I would tell a man what I wanted in a relationship. I had tried to figure out how to word it, how to make it sound acceptable. Now here he was—telling me, and bluntly. I think I nodded and said, ”Me, too” or something lame like that. Nothing articulate, nothing bold, nothing even remotely brilliant. I was just sitting there being myself. And my Self felt totally at home with him.
So that was it. Recognition. I wish I could tell you that I have been graceful in face of his leadership and acted consistently thankful that this wonderful man is finally in my life. But I have often tested and questioned and struggled. In response to this, he has, well, been the strong man I have always wanted in my life.
But that’s for another day. This was just about how I got from point A to point B. Turns out I didn’t even have to figure out how to get there. He took me.