Quietly taken in hand

I am in my mid forties and have been married for a long time. My husband and I met in a very fundamentalist church, where men were taught to be head of the household and women to submit, which we never questioned at that time. It worked for us. We were happy, busy raising a family.

Sometime later we left that religion and belief system during some difficult years. Yet our marriage continued on in the same manner, with D being the head of the household (head of the household). I wondered if we needed to change in our marriage, and what and why.

After some time and lots of reading, I've come to the conclusion that what we have is right for us. He is a gentle, kind, dominant guy. I submit to him easily, I trust him, we can discuss issues, he listens to my opinion, does his best to fulfill my needs and lots of my wants, too. I know he has my best interests at heart.

I've never been physically punished, can't even imagine what awful thing I could do to warrant such measures. (An affair? Street drugs? Pretty much things I would never do, anyway!) I have had a lecture or two, and have had my spending curtailed, and that works for me. The disappointed look and stern voice—yup that works for me.

I don't really get the spanking thing some other Taken In Hand folk like, but that is probably because I avoid pain as much as possible. I can see it as sexual, I can see it as being cathartic, and I can even see it when trying to overcome a bad habit that nothing else seems to help. I've also seen grown women—and men—throw tantrums like a two year old, and I thought maybe they ought to be spanked!

But pain, giving or receiving, makes me feel rather sick to my stomach. Not sexy at all. SM, I'm not.

Do I feel like a servant or slave? Not at all. I do take care of the house, kids, pretty traditional stuff, but I'm good at that and enjoy it. And it is appreciated and rewarded. I see myself more as being treated like a princess, cared for, protected, loved, cherished.


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You never know what works..

In many cases I am very similar to this writer. Gary is well aware that the biggest punishment he could ever give me is to say he is disappointed in something I have done or said. That would absolutely crush me and I would be good as gold as an outcome.
But I do like spanking. I don't know why. There is just something so damn good in that tactile experience. He says I like all forms of intensity. I love to eat, I love to smell different things, (part bloodhound) I love to experience sensations, and I love to be spanked. Not because I am 'bad' persay, although that has reared it's head and I can go with the tumble. It's more of the recipe of what it does. To have accountability is partly an adrenaline rush. Secondly for me the submission is acute. I need to be able to give up in a large way. And then there is the sting. Which despite the reason, seems connected with my sexuality. Even if it doesn't at the moment, it will an hour later.

Gary and I have discussed what would happen if we were to stop spanking, or if it became something one of us didn't want to do anymore. And after a moments thought from each of us, we came to the same conclusion. We would not stop being us, nor loving each other. I would only be totally shocked if Gary stopped being the head of the household or lost his dominant edge. That would almost do me in. But if he never spanked me again, it would not stop us from going forward nor loving as hard as we do..........Blush

To Blush: On not wanting to disappoint

Blush, what a beautiful point about not wanting to disappoint your man. I'm interested in developing this kind of relationship with a man I knew years ago, long before I knew that I felt this way. I've done 'the spanking thing' and don't feel I necessarily need or want it any more, though with the right man, I'd abide by his wishes—of course. We aren't that geographically close (UK and mainland Europe) but have spoken on the phone, and I didn't bring it up then. We left it that I would write a letter, but then to my amazement as I put down the phone, he (semi-jokingly?!) said, 'Write down your erotic fantasies'. It was kind of a joke, I'm sure, as we were never intimate with each other ... but ... what an opportunity! I have nothing to lose, so I have told him, expressing some gentle controlling fantasies with no hint of physical punishment at all. He's someone who I now realise I respect enormously and the idea of disillusioning him or disappointing him is very strong in me and I made this an element of the fantasies that I wrote down. If we do ever meet, I want to be honest about the physical side that I've experienced in another relationship, but then I'm in his hands as to whether he wants to make that part of what we become together ... if we become anything together.
So good to read that a regular contributor such as you can find more to it than the spanking.
Every happiness to you both.

Treated like a princess?

I've seen comments before on this site from women who talk of being treated like princesses, and I must say it always makes me wonder a bit which princess they get treated like. The late Princess of Wales? The former Duchess of York? The present Crown Princess of Japan, constantly being bullied over her inability to produce a male heir?

Being treated like a princess doesn't strike me as an enviable state of affairs, judging by recent holders of the title. And while I do realise that those who make this comment aren't thinking of an actual princess, whenever I see the words 'he treats me like a princess' I can only think of poor Princess Di saying with desperate jocularity "there were three of us in that marriage, and it was a bit crowded"

Any time my husband starts treating me like a princess, I'm getting a divorce.


Just so long as he doesn't treat you like a Stepford Wife. :-)

Treated like a princess

What I mean... What I want, need, desire, like, is important. I'm treated with courtesy, and not expected to grind myself away on tasks and chores or jump through hoops. I feel like I am precious to him, and that he respects me.

This is similar to the way my own father treated me (he was someone I listened to, also), and when I met my husband, I recognised that about him. He was also the first boyfriend I ever had that my dad liked!

I am not a fiesty woman, I've always been rather shy and probably not the type that commands much respect. I've always had a hard time saying no, though I'm better at it now (I was horrid at this in my teens and twenties, because I wanted to make people happy, and often made myself very stressed and unhappy.) I think with the wrong man, I could have turned into a real doormat, and an unhappy one. So I'm thankful that I am with someone who treats me like I'm precious to them.

Princesses unite..

Hi Bramble, I for one understand what is being suggested with the princess treatment. But then again, I too am given the royal treatment. There is nothing too trivial that Gary doesn't take seriously. He loves, respects, listens and dotes on me. Not in a vulgar way, but in a happy very much in love way, a man who wants to give me everything he can. And in return I give him my entire being. My heart, my skills at whatever makes him happy and of course my submission. His attention is focused on me full time. Nothing escapes his eye. But this is not negative. It's rather parental at times, but filled with love at all times. I am given almost everything I want and certainly everything I need. If this is not to the liking of some women, let them eat their own cake...lol..
I also had a problem with saying no, right up until I met Gary. He put a fast stop to that, and it was welcome.
I for one enjoy the attention (unless I'm being naughty) and wouldn't give it up nor the affection, or even the gifts, small and large, for anything. I know he does it all with such love and kindness that if me being responsive and gracious is being a princess, then princess's unite. I'm not ready for any alternative, unless it's more of the same or better.......Blush

Real princesses

I don't get everything that I want (and desire--lol!) but I have few unmet needs. The same goes for my husband and kids.

I don't sit around all day filing my nails and eating bon bons or anything like that. I work full time and have a houseful of kids, so have little leisure time. I worry about college tuition, the pile of laundry, my weight and the obnoxious co worker. My time at home is generally spent on house stuff or kids activities, which seem to increase in number and cost as they get older.

I'm pretty much a middle aged, middle class, ordinary small town wife and mom.

But my husband makes me feel like I am special, someone to be cared for and protected.

Special kind of princess

Obvioulsy we are not talking about real princesses because who would want a life like that.
It has been said and should not have to be said again that "princess" refers more to the fairy tale princess, or in our case the taken in hand princess.

Fairy tale princesses

Well, they can sometimes have a pretty rough time too. They can be abused by wicked stepmothers, or cast off by vengeful fathers, have to wander the world begging, or forge iron shoes and climb glass mountains, or make shirts out of nettles. Sometimes they can be abused by their husbands too, the prince is sometimes too willing to believe his wicked mother when she tells him his bride has been up to no good. A lot of scary stuff happens to princesses in fairy tales.

I always prefered the stories with the tough kind or princesses who didn't let themselves be pushed around but got out there and did stuff themselves, like Kate Crackernuts, Tatterhood, Molly Whuppie etc, but those are girls who are fending for themselves rather than being looked after.

Either way, for me, the word 'princess' does not conjour up images of being cherished and looked after, but rather a world of peril and uncertainty, fraught with danger on every side.

Fairy tale princesses?

I fail to see what this discussion about the "tough" lives of real princesses has to do with what Bramble meant. Are you willfully misinterpreting her meaning? I believe she was using the term figuratively. What Bramble clearly describes is a marriage where her husband cherishes her. She submits to him "easily" because he has proven himself and knows he has her best interests at heart. It sounds like a good marriage to me.

Bramble's post is a reminder that being taken in hand does not begin with the use of physical force, but has a deeper source. So much depends on the character of the man who assumes the role of head of the household. Can he be trusted to lead the relationship with the qualities that Bramble's husband evidently possesses? The threat of a spanking can not be the source of his authority. Any fool can beat his wife. I believe that is called abuse. The source of his authority to lead and discipline must derive from his strength of character and the caring concern he has for her. Once he has proven himself she will gladly submit. How can it be otherwise?


I know Bramble was talking about her husband cherishing her, my comment (which was intended to be light-hearted) was merely that I find the remark 'treated like a princess' conjured up other images for me, not indicative of cherishing, since princesses, whether real or fairy-tale, generally seem to have rather gruesome lives.

In other words, love and cherishing is not usually what princesses get, and if my husband does anything particularly nice for me, I never think of myself as being treated like a princess, just as being treated like a human being, which I prefer. I never suggested there was anything wrong with the way Bramble's husband treats her for heaven's sake, I KNOW she was using the term figuratively, it's just that it's a figure that always strikes me as inapt when indicating being treated with love and kindness, oh hell's bells I wish I'd never mentioned it!

And certainly the threat of a spanking cannot be the source of a husband's authority, but some of us enjoy it all the same!