I am in my mid forties and have been married for a long time. My husband and I met in a very fundamentalist church, where men were taught to be head of the household and women to submit, which we never questioned at that time. It worked for us. We were happy, busy raising a family.
Sometime later we left that religion and belief system during some difficult years. Yet our marriage continued on in the same manner, with D being the head of the household (head of the household). I wondered if we needed to change in our marriage, and what and why.
After some time and lots of reading, I've come to the conclusion that what we have is right for us. He is a gentle, kind, dominant guy. I submit to him easily, I trust him, we can discuss issues, he listens to my opinion, does his best to fulfill my needs and lots of my wants, too. I know he has my best interests at heart.
I've never been physically punished, can't even imagine what awful thing I could do to warrant such measures. (An affair? Street drugs? Pretty much things I would never do, anyway!) I have had a lecture or two, and have had my spending curtailed, and that works for me. The disappointed look and stern voice—yup that works for me.
I don't really get the spanking thing some other Taken In Hand folk like, but that is probably because I avoid pain as much as possible. I can see it as sexual, I can see it as being cathartic, and I can even see it when trying to overcome a bad habit that nothing else seems to help. I've also seen grown women—and men—throw tantrums like a two year old, and I thought maybe they ought to be spanked!
But pain, giving or receiving, makes me feel rather sick to my stomach. Not sexy at all. SM, I'm not.
Do I feel like a servant or slave? Not at all. I do take care of the house, kids, pretty traditional stuff, but I'm good at that and enjoy it. And it is appreciated and rewarded. I see myself more as being treated like a princess, cared for, protected, loved, cherished.