Obedience - a curious and perverse pleasure

It is one thing to obey the laws of the land, but it is quite another to choose to obey someone when you need not. You have to obey the laws of the land whether you like it or not: you have no choice in the matter. A woman who enters into a Taken In Hand relationship does so of her own accord, often indeed (in my own case and others I've read here) at her own suggestion. This seems to me extremely perverse, even though I have done it myself. Why choose to obey someone when you need not? It is a curious choice.

Still more curious, from my point of view, is the fact that I positively enjoy having my husband tell me what to do, even when it is apparently to my own disadvantage. For instance, there was an incident recently at a French motorway service, when he forbade me to go in the shop. Even though i wanted to go in the shop, and was slightly sulky at being told I couldn't, i got a distinct thrill from obeying him in this instance. It would not have been at all the same thing if there had been a sign over the door saying "No wives allowed in the shop" (though my husband would probably say that would be a good idea). I would not have got any pleasure at all out of refraining from going in the shop in that case.

So for me, at any rate, there is a vast difference between obeying the law simply because it IS the law, and you want to avoid trouble, and obeying my husband when there is no legal obligation upon me to do so. It is a curious and perverse pleasure.

Louise C

Taken In Hand Tour start | next

Have you seen the following articles?
Do you 'meet as equals' or 'establish roles from the outset'?
Do you have the patience to make your marriage work?
How we have stayed happily married for over 30 years
How we stopped fighting and became happier together
Obedience and autonomy
Offering an olive branch
The crooked path to where we are
The dance of consent
Do you have a commanding presence?


it is odd isn't it

If anyone else tells me what to do I get really miffed about it and will often go out of my way to do the opposite. If my husband tells me what to do I feel a thrill and get instantly turned on.

I really don't understand this any more than I understand why being spanked turns me on. I've come to the conclusion it's just the way I'm made or have developed and have decided to go with the flow.

It can be frustrating at times as I am with a laidback man but it's the best and most thrilling relationship I've had.

I want to make him happy

I think the one thing that makes obeying a husband way more exciting is the intimacy of the consequences. If I rob a bank I will be separated form society and dressed form head to toe in prison issued neon orange jump suit. If I dis-obey my husband it will result in a intimate seen of spanking and hugging. I think it easy to see which one would be more of a turn on. For me the question is why is not getting that intimate punishment actually a turn on for me? Maybe because I know he will probably exercise his authority no matter what I do. But still what drives me to obey? Maybe it is not the punishment at all. I ultimately want to make him happy. Disobeying does not make him happy. So this is personal. Nothing like the state pen. I do not care what the state thinks of me. I mostly do not want the state to notice me at all. It seems to be erotic because it is both intimate and personal.


I think 'intimacy of the consequences' is a very good way of putting it. Though in my case, a recent conversation with my husband has left me not entirely certain that he would refrain from applying consequences in a non-intimate setting, if I irked him enough, which is another incentive for obedience!

I once got into a discussion with a group of women on a DD group, all of whom insisted that they would rather go to prison than face their husbands if they had done something wrong. I said I'd much prefer to face my husband than go to prison, but I was in a minority.

It seemed to me somewhat unsatisfactory to be more scared of your husband than of prison, but these ladies all swore that was how they felt. I think they were talking about major offences, like getting a speeding ticket or something, rather than something like going into a shop when their husband had told them not to, but it still seemed strange to me that they were more fearful of their husbands than of the nick.


To be afraid of your husband,

To be afraid of your husband, is very sad. What about love?
I don't think the reason people get married is to end up afraid.

Next, the part about being obedient and liking it, is the way it is meant to be. Most everyone knows the story of Adam and Eve (I hope!) and Eve was commanded to answer to Adam. It is the way the plan was set up. Being obedient is right. It took me a long time to understand this and I still struggle with it. Clearly we all do, as we are descendants of Eve.

The plan

I am not entirely certain that there is any plan for how husbands and wives should relate to each other, though I do derive a lot of satisfaction from being obedient to my husband. I doubt though if all wives feel the same way. I can't help feeling that many would be left cold by the idea of obedience.

Certainly I have found that I can only be really obedient if my husband takes an interest in keeping me that way, I need to have the desire to obey brought out in me in order for it to work. It has to be a two-way process.

When he is away, for instance, my desire to do what he wants lapses pretty quickly. And he's been so busy since he went away on his current trip that he hasn't even once asked me what sort of state the house is in!(which is probably just as well).


Laws and Obedience

In a round about way, I believe that obeying your husband and abiding by the laws of the land have similar payoffs.
The laws of the land govern social behavior, those that chose to break the laws suffer a variety of consequences that generally lead to isolation ... shunned by society they do not appreicate the benefit of belonging. Being "part of" the group, running with the pack offers safety, community and security.
In choosing a man who is strong and displays the qualities of good leadership women are essentially seeking the safety, security and protection for their own family within the larger community. Punishment or consequences for "misbehavior" are much like a climber testing his ropes "woman instinctively test" the boundaries and security of their nest. A woman is quite likely to draw attention to any area of "perceived" weakness. If she feels nervous or insecure, with or without cause she will be looking to her husband to shore up the walls, so to speak.
Understanding our own instincts and behaviors ... now that is truly a challenge. An evolution of constant and continual change where male and female dance together.

Not so intimate setting.

The thought of being punished in public could be both very exciting and very motivating. I do not see public punishment as less intimate. It is just merely more embarrassing. The threat of embarrassment can be a huge motivator for obedience and a turn on. Especially, if you are inclined to think he is not bluffing.

This leads me to a third idea. Maybe obedience comes from the knowledge that he is not afraid to act in whatever way is necessary. The kind of knowledge a women only gains form being consistently take in hand.

Embarrasment and intimacy

Oh, I definitely find the idea of being punished in public very exciting and very motivating. Since he might do it "given sufficient provocation" as he put it, that would help to prevent me getting sulky or argumentative while out. I am inclined to think he is not bluffing, when he said to me "Don't think I haven't been tempted" it did sound real to me. He probably wouldn't—but he might, and that is a great incentive to obedience!



Yes, it's good but some men like to obey women and some couples don't like or want or need this at all and I certainly don't think it was laid down in all women or by God. God was far too clever to zap the planet at one go via Adam and Eve. he created a range of sexualities in men and women. There are no shoulds and no one right path. We must never fall into the error of thinking all women submit and all men control.