Now I want my husband all the time

Tevemer wrote:

I think one thing I do for [my husband] is to always be available for sex now. I do think this is an important part of my husband's wellbeing. I had heard old women talking about this, and I had thought it was absurd. Why would I have sex just because he wanted to? I have learned that it really makes him happy, and I have found that making him happy makes me feel good too.

My own feelings about sex since becoming Taken In Hand are rather different. Having sex just because he wanted to is something I used to do occasionally in the past because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. (I generally found that I got in the mood once we'd started anyway, even if I wasn't before.)

One of the big differences about being Taken In Hand is that now I no longer do this, because I find that there is never a time any more when I don't want to do it, I'm turned on by him now all the time. This is terrific. Having sex just because he wanted it is something that belongs to my pre-Taken In Hand life rather than the present.

Louise C

Take the Taken In Hand tour


Sexual Availability

LIke Tevemer, I decided to make myself available for sex whenever my husband wanted me. This was not a "chore," of course, because I do like sex. But like Louise, I found that very soon I started to desire HIM all the time. As she says, "there is never a time when I don't want him." That is absolutely true. I am so turned on by his devotion to me and his authority over me that I'm disappointed when he doesn't feel up to making love! If there are younger women reading this, don't despair. I'm 42 and have had a hysterectomy, so there are none of "those days" to contend with and my children are older and not hanging all over me. I found it very difficult to be sexually available when my children were nursing-but that seems like a lifetime ago. Charlotte

Your ideas about sex are not really too different


I do not think that your ideas about sex are really different from mine. Having sex because he wants to does not mean that I do not also want to. I had just never considered him wanting sex to be a good reason to have sex. I used to turn him down a lot, maybe more than half the time. He was a very sexually frustrated man.

I just do not turn him down anymore. I would have sex, even if I did not really feel up to it. It has only happened a couple of times in over a year. When I have done it, he was very pleased and he found it very sexy that I would say yes, even if I did not really feel like it.

I do not know how long you have been at this taken-in-hand stuff, but it took almost a year before I felt this way ever. When it did happen the first time, we had already had sex more than once that day. It was late, and I was already half asleep when he initiated. I told him I was not really up to it, and he said he wanted to anyway. So I said ok. Have you considered what you would do if it does happen?
Never is a long time.....:)

Take care,

Different attitudes about sex

I probably would still have sex with my husband if I didn't really feel like it and he wanted to, it just hasn't happened to me so far. As I've said, this is something I used to do quite often in the past. I suppose there would have been a discrepency in our desire to have sex of maybe one time in three (during the early years of our marriage, when we were going through a very ropey period with lots of rows etc, it was more like one in two). I would just do it because I didn't want to hurt him by rejecting him, and also because I wanted to keep him in a good mood.

But for the last few months, since we have been in a Taken In Hand relationship, this just hasn't happened. I just feel turned on by him all the time. He just has to come into the room, he doesn't even have to touch me, I just feel much more conscious of him sexually. Quite often he'll come downstairs from the office to make himself a cup of tea or something, and he'll grab hold of me and fondle me for a while, then when he's got me sufficiently worked up he'll go back upstairs and carry on working, leaving me simmering with unfulfilled desire. Swine.

There's an article on here by DG, I think it's called Taken In Hand relationships are hot and close, where he describes his wife as being eager for sex all the time since they started this kind of relationship, well that's the way it is for me now. So far anyway, touch wood.