Do I have to be a control freak to take my wife in hand?

Submitted by Robin F. on Tue, 17/04/2012 - 16:31

Robin F. asks what, if anything, is in it for him if he takes charge in his marriage, given that he is not a control freak, and given that the argument that men who take charge have more and better sex in their marriage has not overcome his feeling that being in charge sounds like a chore.

Can I still take charge if I'm not a superhero?

Submitted by Robin F. on Sat, 17/03/2012 - 08:31

Can a man take charge in his marriage if he is not a super-confident, impossibly firm, always calm, take-charge superhero without needs?

Do women really want to defeat men?

Submitted by Suz on Tue, 13/03/2012 - 14:24

Women often think they want to defeat men, yet oh how miserable they are when they succeed, as Suz says.

Advice for women: how to find and marry Mr Right - step 1

Submitted by The Editor on Sat, 10/03/2012 - 15:42

Make the mistake of ignoring this step or assuming you have already taken it, and you might be setting yourself up for decades of misery.

My testing is of myself not his control of me

Submitted by Um on Sun, 26/02/2012 - 17:49

Um points out that what might appear to be a wife's testing of her husband's ability and willingness to take and keep her firmly in hand, can in some cases be actually more about testing herself, her own identity as a woman.

It's NOT too late to stop living in conflict with who you are

Submitted by Mariela on Fri, 17/02/2012 - 09:55

Mariela and her husband lived in conflict with who they are for many years, with disastrous results. But once she realised consciously that that is what they were doing, Mariela boldly proposed a change, her husband gladly accepted, and their marriage is now vibrantly happy.

To be a man in a Taken In Hand relationship is to be the engine in a ship - if you’re not running then the boat isn’t going anywhere

Submitted by Trife on Tue, 14/02/2012 - 22:31

In this love letter to his wife, Trife draws attention to the importance of actively engaging in a marriage if you want the relationship to be a good one.

The heart of an alpha wolf

Submitted by KoiKitty on Sat, 28/01/2012 - 17:42

An incident that made KoiKitty swoon.

Why does it work?

Submitted by retiarius on Sat, 21/01/2012 - 03:30

This site is full of testimonials to how well Taken In Hand works, but why? Here are some thoughts on the matter by Retiarius. Why do you yourself think Taken In Hand works?

How my husband took me (in hand)

Submitted by sskk on Tue, 06/12/2011 - 13:15

Don't miss this rather exciting account of the events of one evening in the life of sskk and her husband.

I am an animal!

Submitted by Mrs Lucky on Tue, 11/10/2011 - 09:43

The dominant male in animal dominance hierarchies achieves his status by actively dominating, decisively overcoming all challenges to his position. Husbands, take note. Wives—at least those of a Taken In Hand persuasion—really want you to be firm with them, as Mrs Lucky's brilliant article makes clear.

From abject loser to young man

Submitted by Andrew on Sun, 18/09/2011 - 19:18

Andrew found Taken In Hand via a pickup artistry site. In this fascinating piece he writes about his journey through pickup artistry literature and other material aimed at men wanting to be more successful with women, and about how Taken In Hand has helped him too.

Taking myself in hand: a personal journey with shared results

Submitted by Kimmy1 on Mon, 02/05/2011 - 16:16

Stressed by arguments between her husband and herself, Kimmy1 searched the internet for helpful sites and advice... and found Taken in Hand.

How cool is that?

Submitted by Mrs Lucky on Thu, 24/02/2011 - 12:31

Mr and Mrs Lucky had been married a long time and things were generally good, but they wanted more. Enter Taken In Hand...

My husband being in charge helps in stressful times

Submitted by Taken In Hand Wife on Fri, 18/02/2011 - 23:05

If your wife were stressed and sleep-deprived, would what this husband did help (or not)?

I won't settle for anything less

Submitted by Fyrespryte on Sun, 16/01/2011 - 14:47

Don't miss this piece by FyreSpryte.

Movie review: Stardust

Submitted by HerMan on Mon, 20/12/2010 - 15:26

Stardust is a great Taken in Hand themed movie that HerMan is sure you all will love.

I'm not supposed to tell you this...

Submitted by HerMan on Fri, 17/12/2010 - 18:27

HerMan on male competitiveness and its effect on relationships.

Discovering who we are

Submitted by Joseph_K on Fri, 03/12/2010 - 12:08

Joseph_K's account of how he and his wife discovered their Taken In Hand inclinations.

Husbands getting started at taking charge

Submitted by a Taken In Hand reader on Wed, 01/12/2010 - 10:40

If you are a husband who would like to start taking charge in your marriage but don't quite know how to begin in practice, read this extremely helpful article by Socrates, who is writing from his own thoughtful experience.

Checking his suitability

Submitted by Static on Wed, 21/07/2010 - 08:52

Why does your wife seem annoyed when you want her to decide which movie to see?

Taken In Hand relieves tension and increases goodwill

Submitted by a Taken In Hand reader on Mon, 21/06/2010 - 16:01

In a perfect world, no one would get angry or bear grudges and any problems arising would be solved instantly, but in the real world, in real relationships, life is not always quite so perfect, and spouses sometimes make mistakes. The Taken In Hand idea doesn't just take this into account, it provides a brilliant—not to mention exciting—solution to the problems and tensions of real life in real relationships.

Alpha male in life clueless in love

Submitted by Zephyr86 on Wed, 16/06/2010 - 12:09

Sometimes what she wants is for you to think a lot more about what you yourself want instead of endlessly worrying about what she wants.

How I overcame my obsessive-compulsive disorder

Submitted by Lo on Fri, 28/05/2010 - 12:46

Contrary to what many believe, control in a relationship can be genuinely useful and good. For individuals with this inclination it has the power to solve real, intractable problems and even to treat or diminish the symptoms of OCD, BPD etc that make life so miserable otherwise. This, of course, goes against everything social workers have been taught, but the facts speak for themselves.

The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman: a review

Submitted by Nartie on Thu, 04/03/2010 - 18:35

Nartie likes this book.

He was horrified but now he is very happy

Submitted by Taken In Hand on Tue, 02/03/2010 - 19:42

How things have changed!

Passionate conquest

Submitted by Jacob on Thu, 11/02/2010 - 20:20

Jacob prefers another name for that intense kind of interaction that looks like rape except in its most important respect—that it is deeply consentual—the wife wholeheartedly wants it.

Hoping for a happy marriage?

Submitted by Jenny Girl on Tue, 09/02/2010 - 09:49

What makes a happy marriage?

Recognition

Submitted by hikitty on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 08:37

Hikitty's account of her first meeting with her take-charge husband.

Be patient!

Submitted by Nartie on Wed, 03/02/2010 - 05:13

Nartie's honest and human piece is not to be missed.

Pages

What people say about Taken In Hand

“[Taken In Hand] is not a regressive return to patriarchy but a more nuanced, sophisticated, informed form of relationship that is far more equal than mechanically-equal relationships! Bravo.”
- saint_UK

“[U]ntil 2 days ago I thought I was a crazy, ... abnormal
woman. [T]hen I stumbled onto the Taken in Hand website. I have never felt such relief, such internal peace in my life. This whole idea of being loved and trusting enough in another to place my, his and our well-being into his hands was exactly what I have been searching for my whole life. I spent 16 hours just reading... It is like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders.”
- Melissa

“It was my wonderful husband who made me ...see how a Taken In Hand relationship would be everything I ever wanted... Nothing... has ever changed me to such an extent... nor has anything been as liberating.”
- Peach

“[Taken In Hand is] a site advocating male led relationships, and it doesn't suffer from the flaws of BDSM that we've identified... It's a little too general, and too focused on marital relationships. But that aside, what it describes sounds a lot more authentically dominant than the BDSM I've seen. The [man is in control of the woman] in all spheres. But because he loves her and cares for her, he will behave within reason. Also, neither party has a way out, because they are married and believe marriage is for life. All that together makes this sort of relationship a lot more male dominant than typical BDSM ones. It's subversive, yet healthy and natural.”
- basilransom

“‘How does Taken In Hand help the man to feel positive about his relationship?’
Because it's SEXY. Because it allows him to dominate his woman in a loving and romantic way, which turns them both on and heats their love life up to a toasty sizzle. I see [Taken In Hand] as a chance for him to have fun flexing his manhood muscles and enjoy the thrill of dominating the woman he loves. That way it's a win-win situation for both of them. And it deepens the romantic bonds of love between us because few things can liven up a marriage like deep sexual passion.”
- DeeMarie

“[I]n Taken In Hand, I am enhancing and extending my power as a woman, and enriching my life and personality. I give up NOTHING, and gain the world.... [M]y perception of Taken In Hand is that there are few other venues that can compare for teaching men the responsible, healthy uses of power. It gives men skills and confidence they can use not just in their sexual relationships, but also with their children, in their professions, and out in the community. Taken In Hand requires a far higher level of courage, sacrifice, responsibility, and personal integrity than many [men] will even think to aspire to.”
- Sara

“Taken In Hand is about having the man in charge because you like it like that, it's not about blind obedience or never having your own way about anything.”
- Louise

“First of all, all you guys should check out this website, www.takeninhand.com, very interesting stuff here, check out the Commanding Presence [and] Alpha Males articles, [...] very valuable insights. [...] I'm taken by this site.”
- Eric

“Taken In Hand is serious about the nature of male-female relationships, [...], in way I find exhilarating, honest, refreshing, courageous, and exciting.”
- HoneyBun

“Taken In Hand: Fascinating... blog that deals with difficult and hot topics!”
- Polly Peachum

“The Taken in Hand website has proven to be a valuable source for intelligent and well thought out articles exploring [male-led relationships]. [...] For women who have longed for a relationship such as this and have no idea where to start, this is a great site for you. For men that want to better understand the whole concept from a women’s point of view, this site is a must read.”
- Michael Masterson

“If you think my perspective on dating isn't politically correct you should go read Taken In Hand. [It has] posts with titles like, When rape is a gift. You go, girl. Defy those hairy-armpitted feminists and enjoy yourself. :)”
- Jacqueline Passey

“There are lots of websites for people in the BDSM, D/s, DD (domestic discipline) and spanking communities. There are websites for people who belong to religions that advocate male-head-of-household marriage. There are even websites for Christians who are interested in BDSM. But there are very few websites for people who are interested in male-led intimate relationships but who are not interested in all that the above communities associate with this kind of relationship (jargon, clothes, etc.)
    Some of us don't even like thinking of this as a lifestyle. [...]
    If you are interested in this kind of relationship but are not interested in BDSM or D/s or DD or spanking websites, there's a new website for you: Taken In Hand”
     - Tom Newman

“Taken in Hand is a fascinating site. It’s refreshing to hear women speaking in those terms, standing up for core desires that are, for many people, an unpopular view...
What these women want, and apparently have found, is an experience and feeling of freedom to simply be who they desire to be. They have found REAL MEN.”
- J. Martinez

“If you're looking for real people who live a "male-led" relationship... check out the Taken In Hand site, which I found so much more colorful than Fifty Shades of Grey.”
- Kim

“[Taken In Hand is] a necessary read... Very complex, lots of power shifts, combining respect with [control], and pleasure. [...] The whole shebang. I'm glad I found it.”
- Dutchman

“Taken In Hand... is the name of a website that I discovered less than two years ago and which made a big difference to my life. It made me understand what it was I wanted and helped me to come to terms with my own feelings and gave me the impetus to talk seriously to my husband about our relationship for the first time ever really.”
- Louise C

“[Taken In Hand is] one of the most exciting sites on the internet!”
- Malcolm

“[T]he whole damn site really is one of the most well articulated (pro/con) loaded blogs I've seen. It provides a cross section of how people are feeling out there even amongst those who are “seemingly” natural allies.”
- zbigdogX

“As I view it, I'm a control freak. I love to be in control. However, I fantasize about that control being stripped from me and handed over to someone else....namely, my husband. I'm just glad I found a site that makes me realize I'm not a freak for wanting [a Taken In Hand relationship]”
- GypsyGirl

““[Taken In Hand is] a wonderful website [...] [I]t's about the interpersonal dynamics of loving relationships where the man is the boss. [I]t's assumed that both partners are in it because that's what they want and have chosen. Also, unlike many other “traditional marriage” sites, it's not coming from any sort of biblical perspective. ... Some of the best writing I've seen on these topics, from a variety of authors.”
- Dee

“Taken In Hand is actually a very important site for me and it helped a great deal in realizing how much women in general like to be dominated in their sexual relationship.”
- Athol Kay

“A very cool site”
- The Yeti

“Thank you for providing such a positive, validating place for like-minded people to talk about this in a way that affirms the dignity of both men and women”
- Mary

“fantastic site”
- Danevah

“Taken In Hand is male led but male intimately led. ... I do like the Taken In Hand focus on family and the focus that marriage is between one man and one woman. That is actually very important to me.”
- Frank Nelson

“Innately, women look for men able to take charge and come to despise the man failing to live up to that instinctive expectation.
Over the next several years—as footloose and fancy-free lifestyles become increasingly fraught with dubious outcomes amid turbulent circumstances—finding and maintaining stable relationships will become imperative. Although by no means a perfect solution for all problems, Taken In Hand can solve or reduce many marital difficulties.”
- Noone

“Un site remarquable”
- Camille Meudon

“Visit Taken in Hand for a lot of good thoughts. I think you'll find them useful [...]”
- Katy

“a wonderful site”
- CoHC

“The answer to every single discussion is there. Best piece of text I read ever...And it rings SO true.”
- Revan

“What a wonderful website. ... [S]o much of this I can relate to my life. ... It has been a while since I have read a website that was “different” than most.”
- Carla

“This website is just what I have been looking for for ages—but did not even know it! Have become weary of [other] sites, etc. They never really properly address the psychological components, all the subtleties [...] [A]nyway, thanks so much for existing, I have been telling my friends...hope your website sticks around forever!”
- A Girl From Texas

Taken In Hand