My husband and I moved 4 months ago, into a brand new home. We moved to a town neither of us had ever lived in, where we knew NO ONE. Before this move, I lived 1 block from my dad and my brother. They are now 30 miles away.

I would very much like to do away with moving, ever again. I was raised by a woman who thought she was in the military: we moved no less than once a year, and often more than that. The very sight of boxes used to put me into a panick. I despise moving.

I tried to be positive about this move -- it was a good one, and we needed it, but I know I was often a horrible grouch.

While we took this enterprise on together, I have had a lot of homesickness. There were many moments (especially while unpacking) when I felt I was coming completely unraveled. That we'd made the biggest mistake of our lives and we were in debt to our necks and I couldn't stand him.

We too sent back and forth emails (somehow it really helps eliminate the emotional tension and helps further understanding) and found ways to settle the frustration.

I understand that relief -- that complete relaxation -- when you understand that despite the crud, your guy still loves you.

Much Affection,
Quietly His

I’d so much rather have a good hard paddling than have bad feelings between my husband and me. We had a bad episode yesterday. I slept on the couch for the first time in so long. He was really angry with me and said some mean things. I said a few mean words of my own. No reconciliation occurred until morning. Even then I think we both still felt bad.

He could have easily led to me to the bathroom for a bit an attitude adjustment instead of going into a tizzy. The fight certainly wasn't all my fault but being the submissive one in the relationship I don't mind being the one to give in. In fact I am happy to when forced. I generally apologize right after the spanking or more frequently in the middle of it all. Then when we are kissing and hugging afterwards he tells me he is sorry too. We both seem more or less appeased and happy at that point. I feel better because the spanking has released a lot of the emotionally unhappiness I was feeling. The emotional endorphins have kicked in and I feel subdued, relaxed, and happy at that point. He feels happier because I am no longer being bitchy and things have been resolved emotionally at least.

There still may be other issues to be resolved; whatever the issue was that caused the fight. Yet those issues are usually easily resolved when we are in a more civil mood. It is not the issue itself that is hard to resolve it is the negative feelings that we both harbor. The spanking seems to remove those nicely. Frequently we end the evening with a nice sexual encounter where we both feel an even deeper sense of closeness than usual.

So anyway I feel I should ask my husband to “beat me really, really hard when you get home tonight.” as Louise said. I’m afraid I will regret it in the middle of the event but afterwards I will get to enjoy a special closeness with my husband that has certainly been lacking today. Now that I have experienced the closeness that occurs from a taken in hand relationship it is very difficult to go back to the old way. The old way included a lot of fighting, a lack of emotional closeness, and days and weeks of negativity over little or nothing. Again, it’s worth a spanking if that’s what it takes to reconnect the emotional closeness. I’m happy to have such a simple solution to a difficult situation.

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments. I did feel really quite panic-stricken after we had this terrible row, because it was the first time it had happened since we started having a Taken In Hand relationship and I thought for a while that it was the end of everything. But it wasn't.

I still feel homesick at times but it's getting better, the children are happy at their new school, and that is a big weight off my mind. It still feels strange walking out the front door and finding myself here, rather than there, and I find the almost complete absence of aeroplanes very strange. I lived almost all my life until now directly under the Heathrow flight path, and the roar of planes was simply a background noise I took for granted. My husband was always complaining about the noise "What noise?" I used to ask, puzzled. It's odd not to see them overhead, and the vapour trails criss-crossing the sky. No ducks or swans or green parrots either. Lots of seagulls though. I don't think I'll ever like it here as much as there, but my husband and my children are here, and that (I keep reminding myself) is what matters really.

My husband is here, he still loves me, in spite of my maddening behaviour, he still wants me to be happy, and he still (as he proved on Tuesday night) wields a mean paddle. If you ask for it, you'll probably get it (fortysomething wife, be warned). What more could I want? The setting may be different, but the people who matter are still the same.

Thank you so much for your extremely kind comments about my postings on this site. It's extraordinary how this always seems to happen, just at a point when I become discouraged because somebody has said that I shouldn't have said something or other, and I think "Oh hell's bells, I must stop going on that site, my comments just annoy people, I must NOT go on there any more", someone comes along and says they like my stuff, and there you go egging me on again!

It's a funny thing about moving house, I hadn't realised until I did move how fiercely territorial i was, and how much I minded living on HIS territory rather than MINE. I hadn't expected to be ravaged so fiercely by pangs of homesickness. I never thought the sight of a plane coming into land at Heathrow Airport could make me burst into tears, like it did the first time we went back for a visit after we'd moved here. Living in a small town after being used to the suburban sprawl of south-west London is a strange experience. I look out of the window from where I am sitting at the computer and I can see hills, and it's real countryside, this town just comes to a stop about a mile from here, and you are actually in the country. I'm used to living where one place just merges into another.

But yes, I am happy most of the time. My husband and I get on a lot better than we used to, having a Taken In Hand relationship has definitely improved things between us, though as I have realised since reading comments from other people describing their lives before Taken In Hand, things were not actually that bad between us before, compared to some.

We certainly still have arguments, voices get raised from time to time, but nothing ever gets as bad as it used to, things just don't escalate. I don't always submit willingly, I mean, last night for instance he told me not to do something that I wanted to do, and I didn't, but I felt quite sullen about it and he knew it. He sorted me out later on, which was a lot better than having a flaming row, which we might have done in the past.

That flaming row we had when I told him i wished I could turn him into a rat and set the cat on him, that was the last row we had before we started the Taken In Hand thing, it was that row, and its aftermath, that gave me the impetus to talk things out with him.

I am so glad that you and your husband are working things out, and I hope everything continues to improve for you. I agree with you it's the people who matter, not the place,I still have to remind myself of that from time to time, but it's getting better.

I don't mind about not having a career, but I still quite regret my lack of martial arts expertise, maybe I should start taking classes in karate or akido or bonsai or something.

I'm quite overwhelmed. This could turn a person's head!

Taken In Hand is sort of what I've always been looking for too, though it took me a while to realise it. I was very disconcerted when I discovered this site. I couldn't really visualise my husband being the sort of calm, authoratative person that I hankered for, since like me he is very highly strung with a tendency to fly off the handle rather easily. It turned out though that I was quite mistaken about this, he can actually do it very well.

I do find myself in a state of rebellion from time to time, especially when he's complaining about something I've done or (more often) something I haven't done. I still get those turning him into a rat and setting the cat on him fantasies occasionally, but they don't last long. I agree with you about chanelling the negative passion into a more positive one, it seems to work like that for us too.

I hope you enjoy the martial arts class, it's nice that your daughter wants you to do it with her, it's great that you have an interest you can share. I'm sure you'll manage to refrain from beating up your husband!

Well, I really was very deeply touched by your comment. It was funny how it happened. I had reached the state I have reached several times before where I have commented on something and it has turned out to be quite other than I thought it was, and I've been told I shouldn't have said whatever it was I did say and I was thinking; "Oh, **** this, I'm not going on there again, I never get it right, I don't understand these people, I have nothing to say that's relevent to them at all. I must just forget about Taken In Hand, it's not me at all."

And then curiosity gets the better of me and I log on again and the first thing I see is your comment telling me you like my stuff, and there I am hooked on it again! And if I really had kept to my resolve and not logged on again I'd never have seen your comment at all and I'd never have known. So thank you very much, you really cheered me up!

And I do hope you will enjoy the martial arts, it's nice if you can share something with your children, it's easy when they're young, but it gets harder when they get older.