How to not to please a Taken In Hand customer!

I know that some couples do not need or want simple shows of affection or even consider them affection at all. But in my world, those small actions do count a lot.

Gary has been ordering for me for a long time in restaurants. It started with my not being able to relax and trust he would do what was best for me. In my need for control, he recognized it was because I wanted to feel safe, and the only way I could get that security was to do things for myself. Well he went about changing that. What he did was say if I wasn't able to allow myself to be taken care of, he would move it to the next level. If I couldn't let him order my meal, then he would cut the food up and feed it to me! Such lessons I learned back then.

I never had to experience that, but I did learn that he always asked me what I wanted, and how I wanted it – and then the restaurant found out and he insisted I got what I wanted and how I wanted it as well. And I learned to trust him to take care of me.

Now, when the choices are too many – he laughs as we eat out a lot – I tell him my choices 1, 2, and 3 and please decide for me. Any of them would be fine. And if I am not having a craving, he chooses where we go to eat out. But he also does open all doors, holds my hands at all times, puts on my coats, puts me in and out of the car, and my safety is secure always. As well as getting kisses, hugs and sweet touches all the time. And I am a vacuum for it all. And yes it does cause a more submissive trend to look for him to make my choices, with my input on favourites.

Last week on vacation he took me to this ritzy steakhouse. It was great and I was starving. Our server took way too long to get to us and he called the manager to complain. When the server finally showed up, she was in a big snit. She didn't like anyone complaining about her. So in her effort to ‘show him’, when the time came for us to order, she asked me first.

When I looked at Gary, as he does the ordering, she told me, “Don't bother with him! In fact, he should be asking you for permission on what to have.” So I gave her a long look that said “You are sooo wrong, so very wrong!” and smiled.

She got it. She apologized in her own way and we got along. But there was no way I was going to let a waitress show him lack of respect. Especially since I'm not even allowed to do that! LOL! But when Gary comes into a room looking for me, and all I have to do is submit to his love, in all the forms it takes. It makes for a much stronger connection. Trusting he knows me so well to do things for me, it allows me the freedom to change my mind so he can pick up the pieces. Submission comes with its own brand of rewards sometimes.

Blush

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
Make each other feel the luckiest person alive!
The erotic power of unshackled male power
Giving each other what we need
Impregnation
The Taming of the Shrew
Are you the Conan the Barbarian type?
Taken In Hand has changed our marriage
I want... to be possessed
Do you have unrealistic expectations?
Equality isn't all it's cracked up to be

2005 Sep 9 - 17:59 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

A gentlemanly thing to do

Blush,

I always smile when I read your posts about how Gary cares for you so. I just wanted to remind folks that treating a woman in such a manner is not only "taken in hand" it also a gentlemanly thing to do.

My hubby and I have 3 small children so although I am always expected to wait for him to open doors for me or pull out my chair at dinner ... right now, we have too many mouths to order for, too many little ones to buckle in etc ...but when we are alone on a date night my hubby treats me very much the same ... he always has ... long long before we introduced the concept of Taken in Hand into our marriage.

My 8 yr old son, holds doors for the fairer sex of any age. He does it because he is taught that it is the proper thing to do. His daddy would teach him these things regardless of the dynamics of our relationship. My husband grew up without the benefit of the mother in the house - raised by his father and 3 older brothers and he still knows how to treat a lady.

I hope anyone reading this, even those that might disagree with this way of life, will understand that the gestures of opening doors, ordering, holding a coat etc. don't have to have anything to do with equality, or lack thereof, in a relationship (and as in mine and Blush's relationship our husbands are the HOH and that is great for us and makes us happiest).

I have seen women get irritated with a man for opening doors etc. and its such a shame because it isn't that the man thinks she can't open the door herself, he knows she can. It is that he thinks she shouldn't have to bother herself with it! It is a sign of respect and adoration for the wonderous opposite sex.

Ok, I'll hush now :)

Miss Tess :)

by misstess on 2005 Sep 11 - 02:54 | reply to this comment

A simple thank you..

Dearest Miss Tess, I know that how I live and what I do are not always what other people approve of or even find acceptable. But you have read between the lines and see exactly what we do, as well as why. I cannot think of one thing that Gary and I do that is not done from the purest of heart or love. As a result, there are times when Gary or I have accidentally hurt the other's feelings, and oddly enough this does happen, while infrequently. But the first time this happened, and I was the guilty party, I had a desperate need to fix it. But Gary in his own way, told me that he knew I 'never' do things from a malicious point, and therefore he has to dig deeper to see why I said or felt the way I did. As the same with him. He would Never deliberately do something, anything to hurt me. So I have to search to find out why it happened.

So many couples have resentments or small triggers that lead to hurt feelings. But in letting go and submitting, one of the greatest joys and discoveries has been to know that every tiny detail is done from sheer and pure caring.

One of our more signature moments (okay fine, there are many moments) is I was so very angry with him. I felt he was rushing me through an activity to get me to a less busy place. And when he questioned me on 'how much longer do you need', in my own aggravated style, told him 'This is not an exact science ya know!'. In another language that means 'fuck off'. But he got the message as he tried to hold in the laughter..and I got as long as I needed with no more added (internal) pressure. He was simply worried about my physical endurance. So now time has passed and I only have to give him my 'look' and he knows this is not an exact science...lol..

...Blush

by Blush on 2005 Sep 11 - 16:40 | reply to this comment

Balance

Blush,

Thank you for your thoughts and comments. I have always enjoyed reading your posts they come from your heart and are insightful. I respect that.

Every relationship is different. We are all different people with desires and needs. In reading your posts what I have seen is that you and Gary have a deep and profound love for one another. I undestand your submission to Gary and how important that is. And then I enjoy how you are free to speak your mind.

Taken in hand doesn't mean that a woman is not an individual. A woman has the right to stand up and be counted . She has the right to be who she is yet choosing to submit to her husband. In my opinion it is a balance.

I hope you will continue to write. Thanks.

Kat

by Kat on 2005 Sep 19 - 20:48 | reply to this comment

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