If your guy insisted on taking you to an important meeting then failed to get you there on time, how would you feel? If your guy said he'd pick you up at 6 PM and called you at 5:55 to tell you he was running late and would be there in an hour… and then he didn't show up till 7:30, how would you feel? What if it happened often, not just a one-off? Would you be happy about that? Girlfriend, are you a floor wipe or what?

This is not about being made to stand in the corner or go to your room when you've been a naughty girl, it's not about being made to wait all day for a spanking, and it's not about waking up in the middle of the night and your guy telling you to wait in safety while he bravely checks out what sounds like a gang of housebreakers but is probably just your cat knocking over a pile of junk your guy left on the kitchen table.

And sad to say, we're not talking the kind of waiting that makes you tingle and shake. This is not about being expected to wait for your guy to open doors for you or put on your coat. I'm not talking about the time he tells you to wait in the bedroom while the visiting beauty therapist gets set up, and you're shaking with anticipation and the fun type of fear of the unknown because your guy hasn't told you exactly what's going to happen. We're talking about when you're made to wait around because your guy's unreliable or chronically late. If you hate waiting and your guy makes you do a lot of it, it's time to do something about it.

First, have you told him you don't like it? Sounds obvious but you wouldn't believe how often women forget to tell the guy there's a problem. Yeah, I know, he oughta know! If the boot was on the other foot, he'd be real pissed. But he's a man your man, so cut him some slack. He's well-meaning, or you wouldn't be with him, right? If his girl's not happy, he's gonna want to hear about it.

When you tell him, ya gotta do it in a way he can hear. There's nothing more confrontational than an accusatory opener. Give him that and he'll simply shut down all systems and prepare for battle. Don't go there. Be nice. And don't repeat yourself over and over. He heard you the first time. And the second. And the third. He has a functioning brain, right? So tell him once only, then retreat and let him think about it some. Men People need more processing time than we think sometimes. Give him that space and time. Wait!

When this has made no measurable difference after a reasonable amount of time (a decade?) has passed, if you're like most women, you'll go for The Suicidal Solution and tell him We Need To Talk. If you do that, you'll get to see how fast he can run. Then, if explaining your feelings over and over and trying to get him to promise not to be late again didn't work (duh!),

you can try getting mad at him and throw something. If you do this, be sure to duck. You're playing with fire, and you're gonna get burned. Some women swear by nagging and sulking. They want to make extra sure of getting a bad reaction. Let's face it, it would take a saint not to react badly to that!

The Suicidal Solution won't work except in cases of unusually good luck. It will make him either a) wander out into the back yard to find his missing running shoe (the one that went missing two years ago… in a different state),

or b) give a lot of plausible-sounding excuses, or dismiss your concerns, refuse to talk about them, and if he's really pissed, he'll accuse you of being controlling.

If your guy gives you the b) (that's ‘b’ as in ‘bullsh-t’) response, you have only yourself to blame. The Suicidal Solution could have been called How to Infuriate Just About Anyone In Microseconds. I'm not saying there's no case to answer, I'm saying that whining, nagging and sulking is counterproductive. Ya gotta get smart!

One way to get smart could be to use childlike anger (as in Helen Andelin's book, Fascinating Womanhood). That would be the soft, feminine little girl way. I'm gonna tell you the Str8 Talkin' Mutha way. If you can't take the heat, you know what to do.

A girlfriend of mine went through this with her ex (that's why he's ex). She told me that when she tried reasoning with her guy, he as good as accused her of being insufficiently submissive! He expected her to obediently wait around for him for hours just because he couldn't get his act together to show up when he said he would.

Then he accused her of trying to control him and of “topping from the bottom”. She calls this “the typical response of a passive-aggressive control freak.” Ouch! Anyways, the Suicidal Solution didn't work for my girlfriend. Trust me, it sucks. So what can you do instead? If you've told him there's a problem and he's shown no sign of listening, it's time to stop reacting and start acting.

While taking action, be your usual sweet self throughout. (If you're not sweet, that could be part of your problem…) Never get angry. Never act sulky. Keep it breezy at all times. Be unthreatening. Don't act like you're at war. This is not a war, it's education in a language he can understand.

What do you do? If he keeps you waiting for 20 minutes, you keep him waiting for another 40. What's good enough behavior for him is good enough behavior for you too, right? If he tells you he'll be there in 30, then calls you in 30 to tell you he's been delayed again and he'll be there “very soon” … and then calls you again 20 minutes later to say he'll be another half-hour, simply do the same to him.

Don't get mad, don't nag, don't sulk, don't cry, just do exactly what he does, only more so. Tell him you'll be there soon, assure him you'll be there momentarily, keep him waiting with any excuse you can come up with… and then sometimes (when it suits you) don't bother showing up at all. When he says he's coming over, and at the specified time he hasn't shown up, go out shopping. When he calls you on the cell to ask where you are, assure him you'll be there, and then continue shopping. When he calls again, say how sorry you are and that you are on your way – and try on another dress. Eventually, he'll get the message.
Unless…

Wanna have some fun? Then try this next approach too. Warning: high risk Str8 Talkin' Mutha strategy!

Sometimes, when convenient, like when he's coming home, instead of not being there, be there, and be prepared. Have a range of implements at the ready, and know how to use them. It's time the worm turned. He needs his hide tanned, and you're gonna do it for him. If he complains, too bad. He deserves it, and he knows it.

The details will depend on your relationship and the type of guy you're dealing with. You could try taking a very stern approach and appealing to his sense of fairness to get him to submit to the whipping. If that doesn’t work, you might need to try more devious means. Does your guy like being given a massage? Then offer him one and he'll bare his butt without a murmur. Does your guy occasionally let you tie him up and having you use his body for your (and more to the point, his) pleasure? Then sweetly beg him to let you now, then tie him up, face down or on his side, and give it to him good and hard. Does your guy sleep? There will be a way.

If you sense real non-consent, obviously, stop. But chances are, he'll be tickled by it and enjoy having an excuse to put you over his knee to re-establish his authority. That's where the real fun starts! You'll both be laughing, and he'll have got the message too, without any of that whining and sulking and endless complaining less smart women do.

If the high-risk strategy's too much for you, you could show him this article and merely threaten him (playfully!) with a good spanking or, if you want to scare him real good, a whipping.

If he reacts badly and he still keeps you waiting and it's still not working for you, then girlfriend, it's time for Plan B. You need to walk. And I don't mean walk to meet him.

Str8 Talkin' Mutha