Joyful submission

Frank and I were talking last night, and I said to him I was still moving around the idea of submission and what it actually is and how it actually works. We basically find our choices fit loosely into the HOH/HOR (head of the household/relationship) framework but with a different twist. We enjoy the dynamic because it empowers both of us in such positive ways.

I have known that I am not submissive in the way some are about following rules, or doing what he wants just because he has decided it is what he thinks would be most beneficial. I see lots of discussions on how a woman needs to submit, honor her husband simply because they have agreed he is the head of the household, bite the bullet sort of thing and good things will follow. So I began to wonder when I am actually submissive, because I know that I definitely am. I began to look at when it brought me joy.

When I feel submissive, it is a feeling of deep satisfaction, of receptiveness and seems to be in place when I am open to accepting the blessings of the relationship which Frank is offering me. He is dominant when he is able to offer me those blessings. It is mostly not something defined or something that could be listed on paper as what is expected to be followed, although there certainly are expectations of behavior that encompass considering each other and respect for the feelings and needs of one another in the many situations couples would find themselves throughout a day. Courtesy... but not because of obligation, rather because of our own need to love the other. I know this sounds ideal and of course we will slip into self absorbtion often... but are able to reverse that course easily in a healthy relationship that has someone to offer the blessings we have come to want and need. We recognize those blessings as emotional, spiritual and sexual openness with each other... and we both submit to the power they have to enrich our lives together.

This level of submission I think is different from following rules designed to improve a woman's behavior. Getting spanked should not be about punishing her for her choices or giving him a sense of satisfaction that he can simply DO something when she irritates him or he feels she has not honored his requests, that she be open to being punished. Stephen, you once said you spanked your wife because she speeds... and she no longer speeds. I would love to ask her if she no longer speeds because she is fearful of getting spanked... or because she knows it is distressing to you and actually causes you anxiety. Knowing she is no longer speeding must eliminate some of your stress. Is her submission to the rule you both have or is it to the joy she now feels in your lessened state of worry? Has she responded to the blessings of your relationship you were able to provide for both of you?

Just thinking again... and sorting out reasons we do this stuff.

Annie

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
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Dealing with a man who doesn't do as he's told
A reality check for critics
I don't want to be a servant or slave

2003 Sep 29 - 10:09 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Why we do it

Getting spanked should not be about punishing her for her choices or giving him a sense of satisfaction that he can simply DO something when she irritates him or he feels she has not honored his requests, that she be open to being punished.

If her choices are bad, why not? My wife chose not to go to bed until 6 AM one night, and she knows this could make her sick if she does it often. So I told her not to keep doing that and if she does, I'll be putting her over my knee.

Secondly, why shouldn't it be a way of DOing something when she irritates me? For us, this is one of the benefits: this is a way of ending little annoyances quickly and it stops resentment building up. If she doesn't honor my requests, like staying up all night, a friendly session over my knee seems like the ideal way to deal with the problem if you ask me! My wife and I are of one mind on this, it was she who showed me this post.

by The King on 2003 Sep 29 - 11:05 | reply to this comment

Of one mind

If you and your wife are of one mind on this, you have a good thing going there!

by Helen on 2003 Oct 3 - 01:40 | reply to this comment

Joy

Annie, you wrote:

So I began to wonder when I am actually submissive, because I know that I definitely am. I began to look at when it brought me joy.
Looking at when you feel joy seems like a good plan. One thing I want to ask you is, when did you first recognize you feel submissive? Did you always or did it grow thru time? How did you recognize it at first if it developed later in your life?

by Jenny on 2003 Oct 9 - 22:23 | reply to this comment

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