Exit To Eden: the movie

Exit To Eden is not a Taken In Hand movie per se, but I got a Taken In Hand message from it that I much needed to hear.

It is about two police officers who are hired to find a smuggler/killer who is going to a BDSM resort.

In one scene, Rosie O'Donnell asks the dominatrix how she got into the business. She tells the story of her true submissive nature, but how she got involved with a Dom who taught her that if she is in control, she will never be hurt again (she had had hurtful experiences with men in the past). Hence, she becomes a Domme and evidently for the time being, sees this as a way to be safe – not to be hurt again – by being in control. O'Donnell asks her, “What about not being in control but still feeling safe?”, and the dominatrix concedes that would be a great thing, but when O'Donnell asks her if she has ever experienced that, she evades the question.

But then the dominatrix falls in love with a client who acts the submissive role while at the resort, yet leaves him after overhearing victims of domestic abuse at a police station. She decides that by giving up her control, even to a good man, she risks too much; she may end up like those women if she doesn't keep control.

But in the end, O'Donnell convinces her that a woman who has been hurt by a man or men must learn to trust the good guys – that giving up control can be a good thing, if it's the right man.

That was me (although I never became a professional dominatrix, lol). I always felt I had to be in charge in relationships, or that I risked pain and hurt again. I was sexually abused as a child by an uncle (something my father saved me from after he found out about it), and later by a boyfriend who date-raped me when I tried breaking it off with him. Because of this, I felt I needed to be in charge in all my relationships, or I risked that kind of mistreatment again. One thing I distinctly remember – and not feeling at all good about it – was that I felt powerless in those two horrible situations.

Taken In Hand taught me that, with the right man, giving up control can be safe after all. The movie Exit To Eden also teaches this, and I cried as I watched it because I finally realized just why Taken In Hand has been such a godsend for not only me, but also my husband. My husband is one of the good guys, and he didn't deserve disrespect because of what two other men did before him. My husband is very much like my father was – my protector, a good man who only wants what is best for me.

BlueRose

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2005 Jul 27 - 18:59 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Exit to Eden

Exit to Eden is a very funny film, but the man in the film is the one with the submissive desires, and there is no indicaiton in the film that he doesn't still have them at the end. I don't see the woman in the film as having become suddenly submissive, she may have learnt to trust that the man she loves won't be abusive or violent, but I don't see them as having a Taken In Hand relationship all the same.

I particularly enjoyed Rosie O'Donnel's performance in this film, she was very funny, and I loved the bit at the end where she said that the man who fancied her had had her house painted for her like she asked him to. I would have prefered it if the spanking scene had been the other way around, but you can't have everything! The film didn't make me cry at all, it just made me laugh.

by Louise C on 2005 Jul 30 - 20:34 | reply to this comment

for me,

it had nothing to do with WHO was the dom and WHO was the sub, but more with WHY the dom became a dom in the first place. Her reason (because being in charge made her feel safe and powerful), was why I was always so dominant outside the bedroom.

Rosie asked her at one point, Have you ever been out of control yet felt safe, and the dom evaded her by not replying. That was what I meant--that Taken In Hand taught me I could be the one not in charge yet still be safe...if the one I am submitting to is someone I trust.

by BlueRose on 2005 Jul 31 - 17:34 | reply to this comment

There's No Question

That the man in the film preferred the submissive role and the woman who fell for him preferred and would continue to prefer the dominant role. She did however learn to trust a relationship with a man.

It's very telling that when he came back and let her know he was not going to give up and he wanted to marry her, he put himself back in the bondage position he was in during the F/M spanking scene. (Which I found delicious..what a gorgeous butt on that man!).

I think the point was not so much that Dana Delaney's character learned to "give up control." I think the point was that what she was doing, domming lots of men and women and never focusing in on any one special person, was an avoidance of love and intimacy. She was likely to remain the dominant with Elliott, but she was now ready for a real relationship with one man, rather than a lot of shallow but exciting encounters with many in her role as Mistress of Eden.

"Pat"

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Jul 31 - 19:23 | reply to this comment

Well,I think each person

got out of the film what they were intended to, or what they were more likely to see in it.

One thing that bothered me...in the beginning it showed Elliot being spanked by his nanny, and the conclusion you are left with is, he became a spanko because of that. I don't know anyone (myself included) who likes spanking because they were spanked as a child. I was not spanked as a child, but for some reason as an adult I like it.

by BlueRose on 2005 Aug 2 - 00:58 | reply to this comment

The nanny

I think the beginning scene shows Elliot being spanked by a rather sexy au pair rather than a nanny, and by the smile on his face I guess he is realising for the first time that he likes being spanked. I think he's meant to be on the verge of adolescence rather than being a child, and he is discovering he likes it. Maybe he's already had spanking fantasies, I had them from the age of about eight.

I certainly don't get the impression from the film that Elliot has lost his taste for being spanked by the end of the film and become dominant, I think he is still meant to be sexually submissive.

by Louise C on 2005 Aug 2 - 04:53 | reply to this comment

Like I said

my point was NOT WHO the submissive person was or WHO the dominant person was... just that, FOR ME, I learned that it is ok to not be in control yet still be able to feel safe and protected (the focus of some of the film, esp. the meeting the dominant man had with Rosie and the other women.)

by BlueRose on 2005 Aug 2 - 13:26 | reply to this comment

Sexy Au Pair

Whatever you want to call her (I thought she was the maid), there was something extremely obvious to me in that scene. Elliott provoked that spanking. If you watched him carefully, he purposely dropped the bowl. He WANTED that spanking, he did not suddenly realize during it that he was enjoying himself.

"Pat"

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Aug 2 - 13:27 | reply to this comment

Exit to Eden

The Anne Rice novel was MUCH better that the movie. A lot deeper. I think folks here would love it

by AnniePie on 2005 Aug 5 - 03:35 | reply to this comment

I read the novel, actually

I have read other Anne Rice stuff too...my reasons for liking this film actually have to do with things other than BDSM.....although it's a comedy, there are some grains of truth hidden in the film...I'm thinking about recommending it to my sister for that reason.

by BlueRose on 2005 Aug 5 - 16:51 | reply to this comment

Exit To Eden

One thing that bothered me...in the beginning it showed Elliot being spanked by his nanny, and the conclusion you are left with is, he became a spanko because of that.

I think this is a common understanding in much of the psychology going around....if one is spanked as a child then one is more likely to become either a sadist or a masochist. I disagree with this proposal but I have heard it on talk shows, read it in magazines and this idea is even proposed in various family studies.

I thought in the film the implication was simply that Elliot has harbored this fantasy for a long time and now he is coming to realize it as a reality at the Island of Eden. Still, your point is well taken.

You also want to point to what you consider the theme of the movie that this particular dominant woman was dominant because she lacked the ability to trust a man completely due to previous bad expereinces. You point out that the movie made clear it is 'safe' to give up control if it is to the right person.

I can't say about any specific instance, but I can say in general dominance in either a man or a woman is not at all equivalent to an inability to trust one's intimate partner. Dominant men and women may deeply trust their submissive partners. Dominant men and women are not dominant BECAUSE they have a trust issue. People have trust issues because they have been hurt and they have not healed yet.

Yes, some people have issues with trust. In my experience, these people-both men and women-will generally be involved in a series of short lived and shallow relationships. I really do not think that varying degrees of submission is a measure of trust. Intimate partners, to be truly intimate, simply must trust each other no matter which one is the dominant or submissive. I think a better measure of trust is the value we ourselves place in the trust the other has placed in us. We learn to trust again at the point in our lives when we truly value the trust given us by others.

Frank Nelson

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Aug 27 - 03:45 | reply to this comment

when it first came out

I took a date to that movie when it came out...and it was my way of trying to open a door...

I do love how they portrayed D/s

by Katryn on 2006 Jul 29 - 20:01 | reply to this comment

The book was far superior

I found the book very erotic. There were both male and female submissives in the book, if there was some question. On the other hand Rosie O'Donnell is someone who is very off-putting to me. I don't find her funny or interesting in the least.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Dec 30 - 23:01 | reply to this comment

The film and the book

I tried to read the book but found it rather boring, there didn't seem to be any spanking in it so it lost my attention quite quickly. The film, however, I thought was quite funny, and I liked Rosie O'Donnell in it very much. I think without the stuff about Rosie O'Donnel and Dan Ackroyd the film would have been a bit slow. It's a pity, from my point of view, that the only spanking in the film is of a man by a woman, but I found it enjoyable in spite of that.

I wouldn't want to be a visitor to Eden all the same. The idea of being submissive to just anyone and everyone doesn't appeal to me at all, I find I can only be submissve to one person, and not always even to him.

Louise

by Louise C on 2006 Dec 31 - 07:53 | reply to this comment

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