Love Is A Decision, by Gary Smalley: a book review

An excellent book I'd recommend to all married couples is Gary Smalley's Love Is A Decision. He claims that love is a verb, not an emotion. That tingling feeling you got when you were dating or newlyweds was hormones. True love comes from what you do. When the typical "honeymoon" period is over, and the body's juices stop flowing when you look at the one you've vowed to love, honor, and cherish until death, that does NOT signify the end of a relationship, but rather the beginning.

I remember hearing Gary Smalley talk about his book on the radio one time, and share some of the success stories from married couples to followed his advice.

One woman was married to an alcoholic. She wasn't sure she even still loved him, as his self-destructive behavior was affecting their whole family. She wanted a divorce. After counseling with Gary, she decided to ACT as though she still loved him. She LISTENED to him when he talked. She cooked for him, kept house, stopped nagging... don't remember what all else she did. And for weeks, even months, her husband was just taking all she had to give. But then one day he walked in to Gary's office and said, "I just love my wife so much. Whatever you told her, I don't know, but she has just been giving me so much. I feel special. And I want to do something for her, to show her how much it means to me. What can I do?" And Gary told him to get help with his alcoholism. And he did.

That story made me cry, and I was driving the car! I felt like such a fool, my eyes spilling all down my face, my nose too (I can never cry “pretty” like the actors do on TV), and all because of some soppy story on the radio! But the old adage, you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, sure holds true today!

Courage

Take the Taken In Hand tour


Have you seen the following articles?
Acts of love
Do you need more attention in your relationship?
There is no knight in shining armour
To be taken
Respect and responsibility
Cherishing the family: little things have big effects
Actions speak louder than words
The anchor of love
Keep your sense of humour!
Help! The one I love nowadays rarely wants sex!

Inspiring article

Kat

My husband and I really enjoy Gary Smalley. Thank you for your article it was indeed inspiring.

There is so much to Love and Marriage. It has not always been easy or even fun . From the time my husband and I met (in our teens) to now in our (50's) it has been quite a journey. Through the wedding, honeymoon, kids, dogs, Christmas, birthdays , anniversaries etc there has been a lot of life that has evolved.

I must say that I loved my husband when we were first married but through the years and all of the stuff I love him far more to day. I loved how that women in the story decided to love her husband and stick with him. She ended up loving him right back into wellness. Just think if more people didn't simply give up and tried what she did, more marriages might be saved.

She didn't give up hope no matter how desperate she was to end her marriage.

You know, there are times when it is okay to stop a relationship depending on how destructive it is. But it is truly inspiring to hear of a story such as this that gives hope. Love endured through the toughest of times with this couple. I am sure that love wasn't much of a feeling that she had for a long time. I imagine there was a crippling type of hurt in her heart that couldn't be extinguished. The pain had to be devastating. However, she decided to try again. I don't blame you for crying in your car.

It is wonderful to know that there are still happy endings in a world filled with chaos and tears. There still is a light at the end of the tunnel. Love, Hope, Peace and Joy and the greatest is Love. Love is a decision not just a feeling. But when you couple them together making the decision to love it creates a powerful experience and tremendous relationship.

Thanks for sharing.

Sweet story

But not often the case I don't think in such a situation as the lady you heard about.

Over the past few years I have read many such book, 2 or 3 from Mr. Smalley among them. They all basically said that same thing. Act the part. After 4 years it just couldn't be done. I left him and have since fallen in love with a wonderful giving man. Some people will only ever take. Its a beautiful thing if you try and do succeed. Just know when to draw the line.

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