I've got to laugh about this business of a man telling you how to dress because you are too feminine and this reinforces stereotyping of women. If he isn't being a male oppressor by doing that, what is he?

Instead of dressing to please this confused man (who is probably secretly drooling over you in the dress, unless he is gay), dress as you wish and when he tries to lecture you, point out that he is telling you how to dress just as if he were some mullah declaring you have to keep a veil over your face. I'd love to see his reaction!

I am amazed by situations like this. No one has ever suggested to me that my dress is too feminine, not feminine enough or even, like little Goldilocks, "Just Right." It boggles my mind that people have the nerve to say this.

I did once or twice get a negative reaction because I stay home with my son, but so what?

As far as mentioning that you are not a feminist, I can understand a certain amount of anger directed at you. After all you have benefited from feminism. You wouldn't have a job, you wouldn't be able to afford that oh-so-feminine dress without a man buying it for you, if women hadn't taken up the gauntlet and fought for their rights. You wouldn't be allowed to vote or own property and you would probably not even be able to read this.

So I can understand feminists being irritated. However, it might help if you were more specific. Since you have reaped the benefits of economic feminism it is impossible to claim you aren't that type of feminist. Do you know any women who hold jobs and feel they "should" make less than a man in the same position? Every working woman has to be an economic feminist or else she'd be a fool.

So why not explain that you agree with economic but not with some of the social goals of feminism. This might lead to a discussion and not to your being the object of scorn.

"Pat"

The story about the ardent feminist harassing you about your clothes makes me laugh. But on the other hand, it´s not a laughing matter, you know, do we want girls become women? (?!?what type of question is this?!?)

Personaly speaking I am quite disappointed to see that in my neighbour country (Germany) very few girls wear skirts now-a-days. Isn´t that a pity? (We say they are ugly, but that may be a simple prejudice:-) )

Here the fashion is very free and open. You can go sunbathing topless at many public waterparks and nobody harasses you (ussually). That´s something Americans envy us so much.

I cannot imagine in my wildest fantasy that somebody would accuse me of looking "too feminine". I am a little weirdo because I prefer kind of hippie/medieval style but I can bear the giggling.

What offends *me* are girls and women dressed as sluts. Can´t you see this is what lowers us and makes more stupid me feel we are sex toys? I feel like an Arabian woman next to a woman dressed solo in fe stripes of fabric.

This is something different people can view in different ways but I am afraid of looking too "hot" because of the danger of harassment, which is very real.

So many times feminists have said to me what you said to the boss--that if not for them, women would not be able to vote, own property, buy clothing without a man buying it for them, etc.

Speaking only for myself, I would gladly give back the right to vote. I use it rarely because there is no one decent to vote for most of the time anyway, and where I come from women would usually vote for whoever their husbands were voting for anyway. As my mom used to say, "If you vote differently from your husband, you cancel out each other's votes".

As for owning property, all that has gotten me are many massive headaches, what with how horrendous property taxes are here in my state (of the USA). I have tried talking my husband into selling this blasted money pit of a house and rent a house instead.

As for buying clothing with my own money, I don't earn my own money since I'm largely a stay at home mother.

So what has feminism done for me?

I think it depends on the fashion and right now the fashion in Germany is that girls wear their jeans below their waists and their string tanga is showing, some of them also wear very short mini skirts. But I still don´t believe that it makes them look like sluts. If they look like sluts than what do the women look like that lay around naked at the lake? I just went to Munich to the English Garden last week and they have an Area in the Park just for people who like to sunbath naked. It`s not a closed up area, next to the park there are people walking around, riding bikes or on their way to work. The kids grow up with it and don`t think to much about it. For some reason in the States people believe that this would be harmful for children. I see no harm in it.

Autumn

I have to say, that the other night, the house was stifling I couldnt stand it any longer so I stripped off.

No-one was in the house and it was so freeing, so liberating. I didnt care what anyone thought even though I was alone, it felt good.

I wouldnt do it if my hubby were home as I would feel a bit self-conscious of my flabby bits and he is one to stay covered up.

I remember a few years back, stripping off and swimming in Loch Lomond at midnight with a friend (female). It was the most wonderful feeling (though we were conscious of any passing strangers). I'd love to repeat it.

I'm sure if we could go around naked, in certain areas then some people would have less hangup about their body, we would learn to accept ourselves and other's better than we do. We would learn that no-one has the "perfect" (and I use the word loosely here) body. It's our uniqueness as humans that makes us all beautiful.

Grace :-)

My husband doesn't seem to be much of a one for mystery, his one idea has always been to strip me naked as much as possible, and he still talks with nostalgia of the mini-skirts I used to wear when I was young. Far from wanting me to cover up, he wants me to reveal myself as much as I can. Last year he got me to buy a swimsuit that was somewhat more revealing than the one I had previously been wearing, and this year, making progress, he has got me into a bikini. What's next I shudder to think.

I prefer this attitude though to him wanting to cover me up, which I think is creepy. His desire to show me off is slightly embarrassing, but flattering too. If he started wanting to hide me away from sight I'd wonder what was wrong with me. It's quite touching really that, after 23 years, he still thinks I'm worth displaying!

Just wondering what you mean by that. the boss, if you beleive women should vote and should be free to choose their own lifestyles (as you freely do) you are a feminist. Don't let the male-hating, all-intercourse-is-rape vigilante variety change the meaning of the name. I am an ardent feminist, and revel in my choice to live my life the way I choose, in the relationship of my choosing and my partners. I would be shocked to hear that someone is not a feminist, because I could not wind through my head enough to understand what they were saying, and I would not beleive they understood what they were saying, either.

My response to the author of the post "Not a feminist?" comes more than a year late. (I just found this website). Nevertheless, I am compelled to restate what I've believed to be the definition of a feminist.

I'm the kind of woman who adores a man who embraces the traditional male role in a relationship. There is nothing more comforting than knowing that I'm safe, protected and cared for in a loving relationship. I enjoy being a submissive and very feminine woman who looks to a man for making decisions in our best interests. And, when necessary, I fully expect to receive the appropriate correction, punishment or discipline which he administers in a loving yet firm manner.

Sadly, the definition of feminism has been misconstrued by some women and dictated by too many women. A feminist is a woman who is capable of making her own choices.

My choice is based on what I believe and know is right for me: to be that submissive woman I know a man cherishes as his possession. I'm thrilled knowing I belong to him.

Another woman's choice may be different, and that's okay.

Please don't judge women who make the choices that you wouldn't necessarily make for yourself.

D