A new way for us
Recently, I expressed my desire to be seriously Taken in Hand to my hubby. He has a strong and already dominant personality, he is a natural leader.
I too, am an alpha personality. I make my own way, own my own business and am very independant.
Hubby and I have been married 6 years, we have 3 children aged 8, 4 and 2. Until I told hubby that I wanted to be taken in hand, our average sexual relations where dwindling to once a month or less.
I wasn't sure how he would respond ... he is a "pleaser" in bed and likes me to tell him what I like. So telling him that I wanted him to have total control ... hmmm how would he react.
To introduce him to the idea, I let him read my journal entries for 2 days. These entries where almost totally about wanting him to have control over our daily lives and about giving myself to him in every way.
This opened a door, it flipped a switch in him and we had amazing sex where he totally took the lead and did exactly what he wanted.
I also have a great desire to be spanked or disciplined, I want to feel his authority. This aspect was scarier to introduce than just the sexual part. But, I had an advantage ... he would rather be controlling in everyday life than in bed. In fact, in the beginning of our marriage he tried that ... not the spanking ... just the dictating. I put a stop to it. Even though I would have liked a Taken in Hand relationship then, his temper was too bad then, he had issues to work through before I could trust him in this way.
So, this time instead of a journal entry, I wrote him a letter and expressed how much I loved him and admired him for the man that he is. I explained that I wanted him to have the authority to discipline me when he saw fit. Hubby is very disciplined and organized ... I know that I can learn from him. So he read the letter and was moved by the gift I was offering ... he said it would take a little time to get used to.
Then I waited ...
He liked the idea, but was slow to respond. I waited and waited and waited for him to assert his authority and dominance. Eventually, he started.
It has been a little over a week and our marriage is ten-fold better than it was.
Until hubby gets comfortable with discipline, he isn't cutting me any slack, I got another spanking yesterday for doing something that I said I wouldn't do. I feel better knowing that we can adjust to our roles in a way that doesn't include anger. He is growing more comfortable with this each day. We are connected and very happy for the first time in years.
Tess
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#1 It Helps If The Man is a Born Leader and/or willing...
Hey Tess,
Sounds great, I'm glad that things are working out for you.
I think it makes all the difference when the man/hubby has a strong & dominant personality, a natural leader. Or if the hubby/man initiates the Taken In Hand relationship.
It's much harder for us woman whose husbands DONT want to do this, yet the woman wants some elemement of control by her husband (no other man though) in her life.
My husband rarely if ever shows anger, which is a good thing as he is usally calm, but calm to a point of letting things go right over his head. I'm fiery and strong by nature, definitely an alpha female so you can imagine the conflict I live (and other woman like me in a similar situation) with who want some element of control and hubby's who dont want to or are unwilling for whatever reason.
I hope things continue to improve for you and your husband and that both your needs are met by each other.
Grace :-)