First year trials

I had dreamed alI my life about a loving, strong man who spank me for my own good. Someone strong enough to be in charge, and to take me in hand. So how come my first year of living with my dream man was so damned hard?! I was out of control, fighting Robert, yelling and carrying on, as if I were trying to destroy the relationship I had most desired. I've always thought that it was an issue of trust – of learning that Robert could be my lover, protector, and the head of household. And partly it was – I'd been taking care of myself in my own way, as best I could, for years, and it wasn't easy trusting Robert to do that for me. I also think some of it was real resistence to being told what to do. After all, when you are deep into a great novel and want nothing more than to finish it, it isn't easy to be told to turn out the light and go to sleep! Instant rage...:)

But now, into our third year of living together (and we got married recently, too!) I think that there's a little more to it.

I think that most of us carry within our psyches powerful erotic images. For me, those images have been part of my deepest fantasies since I was a little girl, like the age of 3! When we as adults try to live our realities in sync with our erotic-emotional psyches, we at get frustrated when our partners are not acting exactly as our ‘needs’ – our erotic/emotional fantasies – dictate.

For me, that was a big part of my awful first year and a half. I think now a lot of my frustration was in response to those moments when Robert did not act like the fantasy men in my head; when he did not respond to me perfectly in concert with the endlessly patient, endlessly giving, all-knowing perfect Daddy/man/Dominant in my head.

Eventually I groped through all these powerful emotions and got sick of myself – thank God before Robert got sick of me! And I realized how selfish, childish and unfair I had been. And with a little bit of effort and some help from Robert, I learned to stop pressuring him (through my behaviors and attitudes) to act like a character in one of the stories we all love so much. (“Ok, Susie, now you've gone too far. I cannot allow you to be so out of control, it's not good for you and it's not good for us. You know you have this coming to you, so march upstairs right now for your spanking.”)

All I can say is it takes tons of patience to work out the kinks (pun unintended). It's really hard for us women/girls at first, because we have to be both real adult women (full partners in establishing a relationship) and be able to let go into the little girl/submissive/disciplinee regression that our partners also need and want from us. No wonder we get frustrated!

I don't know, it seems that a hell year or two is common. Maybe we have to get the brats out of our systems? My Robert had had his fill of “brat” after about a year, and when I realized how bad for us my brattiness was, I stopped. By then I had learned to trust him and I also learned that I could exhaust him! I didn't want to exhaust him anymore, I wanted him to enjoy me! So I cleaned up my act...:) I found a way to live with a real life man and thoroughly enjoy our relationship! It isn't exactly like the fantasies in my head, but it's real, and it's warm and close and loving, and I am happy. Happier than when I was out of control – out of control trying to control my partner!

Susie Joy

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
She wants to be taken in hand against her will?!
A strong willed woman wanting a man to lose against
How often do you have sex?
What is the secret recipe?
Is it true that a man shouldn't need to get physical?
A sword-wielding female warrior taken in hand!
My marriage is a safe haven
Do you need more attention in your relationship?
A reality check for critics
Is your new man dominant, domineering, or a dithering wimp?

2003 Nov 10 - 13:28 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |