I don't see how it can possibly be of benefit to a relationship of a woman remaining silent in the face of decisions of her husband's that she thinks are wrong. The point about letting someone else make decisions is surely that you believe he is capable of making the right ones, of knowing what's best in a particular situation. If he's made a wrong decision, how can you relax in that situation?
Somebody on a yahoo group told me that she didn't think I was submissive at all, and I think perhaps she was right. I honestly cannot imagine ever attaining a degree of submissiveness where if my husband decided something and I really thought it was wrong I would just let it go. That would certainly not make me feel peaceful, it would just agitate me.
I do not think I would find it relaxing to obey if I wasn't happy to. “There are limits!” as my husband has said to me on more than one occasion. He would be as disturbed as I would if I let him make a decision that I really thought was wrong, and didn't tell him. “Why the hell didn't you tell me?” would, I think, be his response.
What I have found is that my husband can make me feel comfortable with submitting to him, by showing that he cares what I think. He expects me to tell him if I'm not happy with something. Rather than being punished for speaking my mind, I've several times been punished for not speaking my mind. “You're supposed to tell me things!” he points out. He would not appreciate it at all if I took the view that it will be his responsibility to sort out any problems caused by his decisions so I don't need to bother mentioning when I think he's making a mistake. Remaining silent would be rather callous and inconsiderate, I think. And when he makes a decision about an issue on which he knows we differ, I've found he will often make a compromise decision that I am happy to accept before I've even opened my mouth.
If I felt that I couldn't tell him when I wasn't happy about something, it would just make me sullen and resentful, whereas instead I feel relaxed about saying what I think. In relationships in which there is an element of control, it is surely all the more important for the person in control to listen to the concerns, opinions and fears of the other.
One of the best things about being in a Taken In Hand relationship, as far as I am concerned, is that it has made it possible for us to be more open and honest with each other, instead of letting resentments build up and explode into rows. If being Taken In Hand meant that I had to do what he wanted all the time without any regard to my own feelings, I don't think it would be a happy situation.
Rather than turning me into a silent, obedient automaton, being Taken In Hand has made me more communicative—I talk to my husband more than I used to, and tell him things that I never would have in the past. Silent withdrawal used to be something I did frequently—I was a champion at bottling things up—but now I never do that. If being Taken In Hand were about silent submission, it would have increased the tension between us, whereas instead it has diffused it. Being taken in hand doesn't mean being silenced!