Ask for what you want

I have taken some criticism in the recent past from men who think that women who need to instigate domestic discipline in their homes push their men into being head of household against their will. Their position is that the man must come up with the idea on his own. My response is that we aren't pushing anything at all and he probably has had the idea a time or two but felt he shouldn't act on it. Many of us were not blessed with a man who brought DD (domestic discipline) with them to the relationship and so women who want to live that way need to suggest it (and they have suggested it in increasing numbers I dare say).

Why is it the woman has to even ask? Why don't more men come to the relationship with domestic discipline in mind? I believe that society is to blame for that. Society has demanded that men be more sensitive than they have in the past (that's a good thing). But with all the attention that is being paid to domestic violence and the reprogramming of our men to try and prevent violence against women, some men are very reluctant to take the control back lest they look like brutes at worst and insensitive at best. Those of us who are involved with domestic discipline, of course, know there is a huge difference between it and abuse.

Some men may be reluctant to act on the desire to take their lady over their knee even when she has asked for a domestic discipline relationship. Younger men (an increasing number of whom are raised in a home with a single mother in charge) have been raised with the idea that it is never acceptable to raise your hand to a woman. Now here we go saying we want them to raise a hand to us, albeit a hand raised out of love and concern. It can be quite an adjustment for many. There is nothing that says these men don't want the power, they just aren't aware that they can use it successfully and still conform to society's expectations. It's my thought that men still very much have the desire to be king of the proverbial castle.

Personally, I was/am the instigator in bringing domestic discipline to my home. That doesn't mean my fiancé never thought about it before, I believe he still had the natural inclination to rule the roost underneath all the years of reprogramming. My fiancé is the greatest love of my life and exactly what I have always wanted and needed in my life. He is big and strong and handsome. He is very traditionally masculine and has a natural inclination to make his wishes known and I, as luck would have it, have a natural inclination to fulfill his wishes and am very much the nurturer/caregiver/homemaker. He is very supportive and protective of me and wants so much for me to be at all times the sweet wonderful person he loves and I think he is genuinely hurt when I act badly, unladylike, or disrespectful of him or myself.

Why did I suggest domestic discipline in the first place? Well, erotic spankings have always been a part of our repertoire. In fact looking back I seem to recall he smacked my ass well before we ever even had sex. I think his comment was “what a nice target.” Of course, in typical “female new partner OMG he's going to see me naked” mode I heard “damn that ass is so big I couldn't possibly miss.” Maybe he was even testing the waters back then. But I digress.

I had two reasons for suggesting it: 1.) because of my own personal wants and desires; and 2.) what I perceived to be his need. I know that I, like so many women, can be controlling to the detriment of my relationships. I am divorced and am smart enough to know that although my ex was not the type of man worthy of a whole lot of respect (abusive/alcoholic), he probably did deserve a little less of a control freak for a wife. This time I chose much more carefully and I want to grow old with this love. (it is a far better thing to be someone's last love than their first – don't know who said it before me but I'm saying it now) I want to be loved, respected, adored, cherished and taken care of. I don't want to be the one who has to worry over every detail and make every decision and control everything. This is not, I repeat not, to be confused with never having to think for myself (as some would like to tell you).

What I saw in my fiancé was a man who needed to be respected and who was worthy of so much love and devotion. He was raised in a home with no father and with an overbearing mother and much older shrewish sister. Neither his sister nor his mother, incidentally, has a man and they will tell you they have no use for men. (I believe the reverse is more true.) Both of these women continually undermined my fiancé's authority over his own son and in my opinion tried to emascualate him in front of his son. They simply do not respect him as a father. It hurt me very much to see it. Also the son, of course, has a mother and she also tries to continually make my fiancé feel as though he is wholly unnecessary to raising the child they created.

I know that my fiance needs and deserves a happy home where he is loved and respected and where his maleness is well appreciated. He deserves a home without the constant friction of wrangling and wresting for control. I know now that the best gift I can give to my future husband and subsequently our future children is to show him how much I respect his authority as a man, a husband, and a father. I would like to think he was pleasantly surprised at even finding a woman who would allow him to be a true HOH (head of the household) in today's climate and that he recognizes and appreciates that I saw the need in him and responded to it because I love him so very much.

One of my detractors told me that I was abusing the concept of domestic discipline by asking for it. I believe it is a wonderful thing that so many women are shunning what feminists would have us believe is the right (only) way and are instead reaching back to another time and another place where women can feel truly liberated because they trust their men to lead them and protect them (even, if need be, from ourselves). I think these women are doing such a great service for the men who love them by creating an environment where the man can be in charge and can rule their home as is their right and duty as men.

Daisy

Have you seen the following articles?
What kind of site is this? D/s? TPE? CP? DD? ABCD?
Secretary: a deeper understanding
Maybe these surrendered women are on to something
What does the man get out of it? Many things!
Melanie surrenders
Ever-deepening total love
The Surrendered Wife, by Laura Doyle: a critique
The coming battle
About Schmidt: choose engagement, not withdrawal
Leadership, strength, emotional intimacy

2003 Oct 23 - 10:06 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

feel wanted

I feel if a women feel in need of discipline meaning spanking it helps both no need to hurt .

by ShadowMan on 2003 Oct 23 - 16:51 | reply to this comment

Great article! How I wish I'd...

Great article! How I wish I'd read it years ago. It might have helped way back then in the dark days before.

by tap dancer on 2003 Nov 15 - 03:17 | reply to this comment

You said it sister

I am an intelligent, independant woman. I am so independant that I am completely isolated. Every man I date, I wither, inmasuclate and diminish. I desperately want someone strong enough to see through me and realize that my tongue earns me bottom a good whipping. THAT'S A MAN I WOULD RESPECT AND CARE FOR.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Jan 3 - 07:54 | reply to this comment

Asking for what I want

I was delighted to happen on this web site. It sent tingles through me and I became totally aroused. A previous lover always spanked me when I behaved in some way to displease him. I have tried to encourage my husband to spank me when he was pissed off at me for some reason or another. He used to do it on occasion but he doesn't do it any more. Having read most of the web site, I intend to do something about this situation. I think I will encourage him to read this site and maybe his masculinity will come back to him. I'm not talking about being beaten up. Just putting me over his knee.

Anna

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Sep 5 - 05:44 | reply to this comment

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